I'm confused.....my husband is avoiding sex with me....?

Question

i had already asked similar question but lets see if you can help me again.....3 weeks ago i confronted my husband about the few phone calls he had with his ex girlfriend from 4 years ago.he said that they didn't meet only talked .this all happened while i was away for a week with our baby...so i decided to believe him even thou i smelled girls parfume on his shirt while doing loundry....then found her home# on a napkin and he said he doesn't remember that he had it....doesn't like when i touch his phone and after all the talk we decided to move forward and work on our relationship but now he is saying he can't get it up....this never happened before...he is very nice to me..we talk on the phone often,we eat dinners at home watch movies.....and tells me i'm beatiful,sexy,smart.....but he can't get it up...should i really be worried and ask him more questions or should i be more patient and wait and see??he is embaressed to talk about it....what would you do?

Answer 1

He may have a medical problem. Or then again, he may just be cheating. Follow your gut. It is usually right.

Answer 2

I would definitely check into it a little bit more. Did you have issues with that before you went out of town? It seems to me that something did happen between the two of them. Why would you be smelling womens perfume? I am the kind of person that if it doesn't feel right, it probably isn't. Trust your own instincts. More often than not, it will be the right answer. I know it's something you probably don't want to hear and face but better now then finding out he's doing it with her again or with someone else. You have a baby to think about too. Neither one of you deserve anything less than wonderful :)

Answer 3

I agree with emily on going with your gut. After all why should a husband even be talking on the phone with an ex girlfriend when he is now married with a family. Ask your questions and be prepaired for the answer. Or even better, if you can afford it get a pi to do a little "survailence". Tha way if your hunch is wrong you don't have to eat crow the rest of your life. Life is to short to go through what you're going through. I know. I just went through it with my wife and got divorced. Good luck,and God bless. I know you must need both right now.

Answer 4

He could be having a real medical problem and if thats what he's claiming then he should go see a doctor about erectile dysfunction. It could also be mental - if he's involved with this other woman he might not be interested in sex with you.
It sounds like there may be more going on with this ex gf that he isn't telling you. If he's apprehensive about you answering his cell phone or looking at his cell, then there is a problem. People who are faithful and honest with their partners don't need to hide cell phones or freak out if their partner touches it or looks through it.
You need to talk to him about his behavior and suggest marriage counseling. He is obviously heading down a dangerous road, which is only going to drive you both farther apart. The fact that you two aren't even being intimate makes things worse. Best of luck.

Answer 5

Whether he's cheating on you can be answered by a simple drill here. When he was single, did he have multiple girlfriends at the same time with whom he was intimate? Was he a player?

If he was a player, and you knew that when he was single, then this is your PAYDAY. You're getting what you always secretly wanted, a crisis over sexual fidelity. Enjoy yourself.

If he wasn't a player, then either he was infatuated with this other chick or he wasn't. If he wasn't, he has a medical problem with erection. If he was intimate with her, he's now guilty when around you.

No matter what's going on, you are the one in the driver's seat, you're the marital partner who'se keeping the contract and acting like an adult.

Answer 6

The phone number, the perfume, and the phone calls are more than highly suspicious. And he shouldn't be bothered if you "investigate" his phone; you're married and your transactions should be an open book. Still, you've no absolute evidence. I would recommend "lying low" for a while. Refrain from asking overly invasive questions, keep track of his comings and goings and of his suspicious behavior, and provide him with a false sense of security in regard to his daily routine (I say "false sense" in case he is guilty...although I do hope that he's not). This false sense of security will lower his guard and provide you the opportunity to gather certain evidence that will prove or disprove his loyalty. I do hope for the sake of you, your baby, and your entire family that he is a loyal husband who is temporarily suffering from mild stress, but do not feel for a second that you are not in your right to determine this one way or the other...you are his wife.

Answer 7

You're husband is cheating on you. Deal with it. Do you want to stay or go? You will not make him leave her. I further suggest some community college to build your self confidence and help you meet a better class of men. Good luck

Answer 8

HE MAY BE CHEATING-OH, YOU KNEW THAT ALREADY. THERE ARE TIMES WHEN GUYS CAN'T PERFORM. IF I DRANK TOO MUCH, HAD A STRESSFUL TIME AT WORK, OR SOME OTHER TRAUMA WOULD AFFECT MY ABILIY TO GET IT UP. ALSO, HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE AND OLD AGE WILL HINDER THINGS.
YOUR HUBBY ISN'T DRUNK OR ANY OF THE OTHER STUFF SO I THINK HE IS CHEATING AND YOU SHOULD CONFRONT HIM AND GIVE HIM THE BOOT.

Answer 9

don't feel bad...I've only had sex with my wife a handful of times this year! sex shouldn't be THAT important when it comes to a long-term relationship...it should all even out along the way. (i'm hoping thats the case for me! lol) good luck!

Answer 10

I would talk about it even if he refuses. If your husband really liked you or loved you, he would tell you anything no matter how embarrassing it is .. Don't you agree?