I've been married for almost 3 years but it seems like our relationship is going down the drain and I don't know if I should try to fix it. We argue all the time over the same things, we complain that I don't clean enough(which is probably true) and my complains is that I'm tired of him dissapearing(not completely he is at his mom's all the time) for days(like 2-3) without bothering calling or anything.he keeps doing it even though he promessed me numerous times he won't do it anymore, he even promesses it to our daughter who told him she didn't want to miss him anymore. Then to top it all he spends money like we have extra, we are suppose to save money and he just spent the phone bill money on nothing and gets all mad when I tell him it was wrong and says it's his salary for cleaning.
He always has stupid ideas about businesses and it never works out and then he accuses me off being negative for not believing in it, how can I be positive when I know it's only gonna cost us money?HELP
2006-07-30 13:13:00 · 10 answers · asked by leeloo1981 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
sorry I need to add.
I'm from a different country and have barely any friends here, my problem is if I leave, where do I go? I don't qualify for help here (not legal resident yet after being married for 3years!), I always told him that if we break up, I'll go back to my country but we now have a daughter, if I leave I won't be able to come back here for 10 years and his passport is suspended because he owes child support so we won't be able to come visit our daughter, and that it's only if he even let me take her and I will never leave without her.
My problem is that he wasn't like that the first 2 years, and I know that deep down he is a good guy and I do love him, but latelly the bad seems to have taken over the good in us.
2006-07-30 13:29:44 · update #1
adding again, his mother isn't a good person, she is mean and she is a crack head who lives in a crack house, he doesn't do drugs (I'm sure of it) but he likes to hang out over there with her and his friends who lives around.
2006-07-30 13:32:15 · update #2
The first question I have for you is the most important: Do you love him still? Because if you do, then you need to reconnect in a very big way as soon as possible. Resentment is one of the largest assassins of relationships around, and it manifests itself in ways that have you both doing little things you know will irk the other and treating each other with contempt. That can't go on for long before you reach a breaking point, and there's a child's welfare to consider, too. I strongly recommend counselling as soon as possible so that you can begin arresting this trend and reversing the effects that are damaging your relationship. Every couple gets on each other's nerves from time to time...it's difficult dealing with the day-to-day stresses associated with raising a child and earning a living, and it's important to know that your partner understands what you go through and has your back. When that evaporates, both of you feel empty and alone ( and you likely feel it even stronger not being from this country).So, before either of you takes any drastic actions that will likely destroy your union, see if reconnection is a possible remedy for you. I wish you both well in that regard.
2006-07-30 13:50:11 · answer #1 · answered by Captain S 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hey, When I Found Out I Was Expecting.. My Other Half Was Soo Excited! But Since Hes Always Finding SomeThing To Argue about.. Its Becoming Easier As Im Explaing All My Emotions And Wat Not To Him So Hes Starting To Understand How Im Feeling... Sex Is An Issue With Me.. I Lost My Sex Drive COMPLETELY! This Really Made The Other Half Think I Was Goin Off Him.. But I Wasnt I Just Cudnt Be Arsed WIth It. We Are Now In A Position Where... If I Want It We Will DO It... But Its Harder When He Wants It As I Dont Always Feel The Need For it. Wierd Aint It. x
2016-03-27 07:38:17 · answer #2 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Time to have another sit down with him. But first: Get with his mom and find out what exactly keeps him over there. Make it a family thing, all of you go over to mom's that way you are showing support for them both.When he comes up with these ideas, get involved! By that i mean do research on the idea or plan he told you about on your own. Then approach him with your findings. This will show him you are trying to support him in his endeavors. If they seem stupid, find a way to make them seem reasonable. Offer to help him do research. Explain to him how important it is to keep promises to you daughter.... Advise him that if he wants to be successful in his business endeavors, he has to learn to manage money and that you both can figure together how to do that. Take care and good luck....
2006-07-30 13:28:33 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he might have a drug or gambling problem. Are you sure he's at his Mothers house. Do some checking up on him. If his not up to something there should be no problem. If he is you need to know. Then you can decide what the best course of action is for you and your family.
2006-07-30 18:43:40 · answer #4 · answered by tammy s 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well - well -well ! You got a real problem. You got a mom's baby boy. He needs to help you around the house & you need to keep it clean. But if you clean and clean and he just throws things round you will never get done. This is what I would do. This would be hard but if you do not do it you will end up in a diviorce any ways. I would tell him you , and your child are moving out of state. I would tell him he is welcome to come with you. But if you don't move far away form moma things will never work . He is going home to moma and telling her ALL about you. Moma is telling him hoe bad you are. Moma is trying to break you up. Moma will do it too. So if you can't get him away from moma you are going to get a divorce. So it is up to you , What you going to do. First tell moma to get the heck out of your lives.
2006-07-30 13:29:06 · answer #5 · answered by ldp999000 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if your daughter was born here i think there is some rules to help you stay here. also check your local womens center for help im sure they have alot of resources for you weather its abuse or not they should be able to help with answers if you decide to get out on the other hand counseling for both of you if hes not willing to go then go by yourself it'll be a start and wont hurt
2006-07-30 16:11:28 · answer #6 · answered by betty c 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh, God, I only read half of what you wrote and already he sounds like a mama's boy. Dump him, terminate the marriage. Or you could leave the house as is and go to his mothers house too.
2006-07-30 13:17:27 · answer #7 · answered by florie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Marriage counseling and the book His Needs Her Needs for Parents.
2006-07-30 13:16:58 · answer #8 · answered by on my way 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey it sounds like you are describing my ex husband. He kept things in constant turmoil and you cannot believe in people's ideas that have no logic to them. They make everything look good on paper but when it comes to reality, it's like you wrote...it never works out. All I can say is...been there...done that and it never did work out.
2006-07-30 13:28:18 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like hell. If your not happy and don't think things will or can change, I'd leave.
2006-07-30 13:17:56 · answer #10 · answered by yooper guy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋