Principle Marlene Jahowski sat behind her desk, massaging her temples. Four adolescent girls sat in front of her. All different. Yet all friends. And all in trouble. “Girls….” She began in a shaky voice. The woman was forty years old, her brown hair was graying, and her pale blue eyes were stressed with seeing far too much injustice in the middle school education system. Trying to dodge the task before her, Marlene took a look around the room. Her office was about average sized, a window on the back wall that overlooked the driveway of the private school. The green carpet was old and had coffee stains from that morning, when she had heard. The file cabinets on the wall were fairly new, with pictures of her with her only son Edward atop them. Finally turning to the girls that were occupying the only other seats in the room. She decided to address them one at a time, for all the teens were in trouble for different reasons.
“Valerie, I realize you are at the center of this.”
2006-07-30 12:46:59 · 18 answers · asked by ~S~ is for Stephanie! 6 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Books & Authors
Valerie smiled sheepishly. So, she had been the one to somehow manage to get a hold of the pictures of Edward on Mrs. Jahowski’s file cabinet. The mischievous Valerie Handler had scanned them onto her computer and edited them to make the principle’s beloved son’s features contorted, or with hand drawn mustaches, and she had even went so far as to forward it to everyone she knew over e-mail, who each did likewise. What was most astonishing was the fact that Valerie had managed all of this in the time between Marlene left the school, around five thirty, and when she had gotten in that morning, at around six thirty when everyone knew.
For some reason, the principal could see Valerie Handler pulling a stunt like that. The girl was a total rebel, but to the point of becoming a disturbance. She would shout out rudely and randomly in class, deliberately giving a wrong answer to confuse her fellow pupils. Valerie had a long history with Marlene. Once, Valerie had pierced her ear in the
2006-07-30 12:47:38 · update #1
in the school cafeteria during lunch, causing two people to vomit and one to pass out. She had protested noisily at the championship game between their school and the school’s rival. A loud blow horn with vulgar language had caused a player to drop the football, and the team lost the entire tournament because of Valerie. Another episode involved a new teacher and a sparatic pencil sharpener and a ringing cell phone that scared the teacher away.
2006-07-30 12:49:35 · update #2
I like it! The beginning has me hooked. I wish I could read the rest. It was an excellent beginning...
2006-07-30 12:52:48 · answer #1 · answered by graciegirl@sbcglobal.net 2 · 5⤊ 1⤋
The writing is good. Very descriptive. I guess the story doesn't really appeal to me. School was so long ago. I like more action. Where are the characters going? Why is this story need to be read by others? It's just that it didn't hook me into wanting to read more. But you do have skills. Keep writing and good luck.
2006-07-30 22:24:47 · answer #2 · answered by RussellMania 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Two hrs ago you used the phrase " had went so far as..."
Pls use the word gone instead of went.
Explore other advice and maybe find a publisher willing to
edit your work..... Use teen terms Expression is good.
2006-07-30 22:15:38 · answer #3 · answered by nelly 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, you have to write more of this! It's so good! Maybe one day it will become a book and I shall say, "I read the first bit way before this was published!"
2006-07-30 19:57:21 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
girl u good i wanna b a writer 2 but u shouldnt put 2 much of ur story on here sum1 might try 2 steal it
2006-07-30 19:49:59 · answer #5 · answered by Cassa B 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
depends on who your writing for. i write storys and poems and the like and read all types of books. so if your going for a teen book, make the words fit (adolescent, it just doesnt fit with your writing style) and if your going for an adult book well, i hope not. i hope this helped.
2006-07-30 19:54:27 · answer #6 · answered by wy_oh_ming 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Needs more action going on but otherwise good begging.You should pursue you writing dreams.
2006-07-31 00:19:38 · answer #7 · answered by tushpush1966 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yeah it's good. i would say try and make it sound like you're writing more casually, but the basic story is ok so far.
2006-07-30 19:50:42 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You've got talent and good facility with language. I'd buy your book. Keep at it. I expect to see you in print someday.
2006-07-30 19:59:23 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds good....what's the plot to your story may read it when it's done.
2006-07-30 19:50:45 · answer #10 · answered by conundrum_dragon 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋