Is there something wrong with me?

Question

Why do i lose control?

The problem is i grew up in a violent family and im 21 years old and sometimes lose control but more recently its becoming very often and i scare myself and others.

I dont want to und up like my parents what can i do???

I usually lose my temper when im under alot of stress or had to much to drink but at the moment i get mad when some1 looks at me strange.

i know drinking doesnt help thats why i dont drink so much meaning i have 2 or 3 drinks.

Answer 1

You are a product of your environment. Growing up in a violent home groomed you for violence. Your explosive outbursts are just one of the many side effects from being raised within violence. Sure you lose your temper when you are stressed or have been drinking and yes it is becoming harder to control and happening more frequently. This is the cycle of domestic and family violence. It preys on families and disrupts the lives of all who are a party to it. As a victim's advocate, I have dealt with thousands of cases of family violence and since I have been doing my job for years I am now seeing the children of couples that I worked with years ago now come into the prosecutor's office with their own violent, criminal cases. This saddens me. The most encouraging thing about you is that you realize that you need to address your anger and violent tendencies. First of all, leave alcohol alone. No good will come from it. If you can already see at 21 that it tends to contribute to negative behavior on your part, it is a problem. Next, check on some good anger management classes. Also, check into conflict resolution classes. Here in my town, we offer it through the courts as well as make referrals to professionals. Some of it can be done at a reduced cost. Talk to someone about what you are feeling, an unbiased individual, not someone in your family. Just because you witnessed violence growing up does not mean that you have to live a life of violence, it just means that you are 50% more likely to. Defy the odds. You can do it. Don't be the next link in the chain of violence. One day you may be a parent, if you aren't already, and I know that you wouldn't want your son or daughter to have to endure whatever you had to endure. Take active steps. Just don't give in to the violence. Start practicing coping techniques. These can be found online and demonstrated in the anger management and conflict resolution classes.

Answer 2

It depends on what you mean by wrong with you.
If it makes you unhappy and makes you likely to hurt others then something has to be done.

I used to have a bit of an anger management problem and round about when I was 21 it was at its worst. I found alcohol made the problem about ten times worse. All in it got to a point where I knew something had to change.
I still get angry but I just do not show it on the outside.

I guess I always thought everything was very personal, so when some guy cut me up while driving I thought it was deliberate against ME. As soon as I realised the whole world was nto out to get me it made it easier to let things go. You may also have to have a think back because I found most of my anger issues were based solely on one event as a kid. Once I accepted what had happened the anger become much more controlable.

Answer 3

Have you talked to anybody about this? Maybe an older relative or family friend who knows your family background but is removed enough to be able to give you impartial advice.

You've recognised that your parents' behaviour when you were younger (maybe even now?) was less than perfect, and that's a great step along the way to modifying your own behaviour.

If you know that you lose your temper when you've had too much to drink, then...don't drink! Try not to let yourself get into situations which are triggers for your rage.

If you're really worried about this, you should definitely consult your doctor who will be able to put you in touch with a counsellor or therapist who will help you to learn coping mechanisms.

Good luck!

Answer 4

Sit down with yourself and brainstorm ideas as to why you are losing control more easily. See if you can finger something different in your life.

Drinking might have a lot to with it. Actually listening to how you describe your background and temperament I would strongly advise you not to drink at all. *Bows head* I know you are not going to like that, but you have a history of blowing up while under the influence, and you don't want to seriously injure some one physically or emotionally, and for sure you don't want to kill anyone.

Do you exercise??? A wonderful stress reducer is physical activity of some sort. Walk laps about the mall, lift weights, turn on your tunes and leap about.

Good luck. As in all things, admitting you have a problem goes a long way to finding the cure.

Answer 5

Listen, i think you better stop drinking. Number one being it makes you either depressed or is messing with your emotions in a different way. Number two, if you have a background when your parents were fighting, I think it will be good for you to do some heavy duty physical workout. Or join a karate club or somerthing. It will give you a mental discipline over anger, and wouldn't you like to kick the **** out of something anyhow ( not meaning a piecefully passing by human)?

Answer 6

Sounds like you would benifit from seeing a qualified counseller, they can recommend tips to help you recognise the signs that you are about to lose control and provide you with techniques to help you deal with your anger. Try to find some relaxing activities that suit you, I like yoga. Using lavender is also a great way to relax, bubble bath, room spray, sounds cliche but they really do work. Physical exercise is a good idea releases our natural happy chemicals and makes us feel better (I should take my own advice!)
I also have a parent with a violent temper and (although he never hurt me) he often gets himself into trouble, so I really feel for you.
You should definately congratulate yourself for admitting you have a problem and wanting to deal with it, it's more than some people do.
If alcohol makes the problem worse I would recommend not drinking too much or at all, I am a bad drunk so I gave it up and feel much better for it, I have the occasional drink and still enjoy a happy and fun social life (when I have the money).
This also helped me when I was angry with the world, I only ever surrounded myself with people who loved me for who I am, and I ditched the people who just wanted me for my entertainment value or for what they could get from me!!!
Last but not least...We aren't all destined to turn into our parents, my parents are nucking futs but I turned out ok in the end!
Hope I help even a little bit x

Answer 7

First of all give up drink.Then seek medical help (anger management)
The fact that you acknowledge that you are losing control means that you have gone past the first stage (Denying that you have an anger problem)
Now what you seriously need to do is talk to a doctor and get help before you totally lose it one day and hurt someone.It will be so much worse if lost your cool with someone close to you and then regretted it.
good luck.

Answer 8

Yes, I know exactly what you are talking about. I also grew up in a family like that and I would lose control. People and family were talking about me when I let this happen, they were calling me a real a**hole I found out later. They were right.

I finally realized that I wasn't hurting anyone but myself by putting myself under such strain. Heart attacks come to young people too.

It is part of growing up by not reacting to every little thing. Let it pass.

Answer 9

Drink isnt the answer only helps for a while but the longterm affects aint good and will get u down u should seek help and go to anger management classes best of luck to you

Answer 10

When I was that age I was hot headed also. I was a ticking time bomb!!.So its very common...But dangerous!! Because people tend to go postal for anything now a days!!! Be careful..

You might need to seek some anger management classes/counseling.. Oh and PRAY!!!