For 2 years I worked 1 full time job and 1 part time job to put my husband through college, so our daughter would have a better life. Now my husband is doing really well for himself, and just to keep my sanity I work 3 12 hour shifts a week at night. Since I have taken this job, my husband seems sooo different. Although, I have offered to quit my job. We have been married 4 years and together for 5. From watching my parents' relationship (there never was much love there to begin with but they have been marreid for 25 years) I never wanted my marriage to be like that, but slowly it is becoming that way. My husband is hurt and giving us a "trial period" until he packs his bags and leaves. He says things need to get better and I dont show him that I love him (which i admit i go through my routine and somtimes i forget to stop and take time for him). I hate that i hurt him and I love him more than anything, but he says words mean nothing. What should I do to keep from losing him?
2006-07-30 12:11:27 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
So once you hace worked and put him through college and he has the nerve to give a trial period. Does he not understand working and taking care of a home and child is not demanding? Sounds as if since he is doing so much better he wants to lay the blame on you, he is right words don't mean a thing and actions does so where is he showing his actions? Talk to him and tell him you love him and want this to work and see what he has to say, also show him you love him but honey don't bend over backwards and him not doing anything to save this marriage. Only you know how much you can do and that is the bottom line. It's your decision what will make or break this marriage.
2006-07-30 12:21:19 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Words are not as powerful as actions. However, words are powerful if you really mean them. Your husband should be more understanding about your time. Make sure there is not another woman, I hate to say it but, thats what it sounds like. But do not quit your job, you should be allowed to have your job and keep a man. Your husband should respect that. If he decides to keep this marriage alive just try and juggle your time and include him. But be careful because if he leaves you need to be able to keep your job. My parents have a healthy relationship and they both work full time. But if the marriage is going to work he to needs to be able to balance his time with you as well. From a personal perspective, no man should ever tell a woman that he loves we are on a "trial period." True love has no trial period. I think you should help him pack his bags and get you a real man! keep me updated!
2006-07-30 19:23:52 · answer #2 · answered by Erik R 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, you did not really hurt him even though he says you did. He wants the marriage to run his way (control) and will do anything to get his way. A marriage is give and take, and right now its all you giving. He has to give too, and learn to deal with dreams too. From what Im reading,you have not done anything wrong, but are going all out to make your husband happy. What about your happiness? If he would just give even alittle,there would be no problems. What he sees is that hes losing control of his macho male ego control crap and tells you he is hurt to make you feel guilty and change your ways and not his. Hes hurting alright by his own selfish ideas, not by anything youve done but he makes him feel big by blaming you. If he was really a he-man, he would be supportive of your ideas and actions and dreams and help you fulfill them doing whatever he had to, to make you happy. You can either continue on this path of self destruction or be yourself, knowing the above, and change. You can tell him you are you and have dreams,wants,needs too that you have to fulfill since he is not, and work out a compromise. In case there is something else here Im not seeing, just prepared to move on, worrying more about your children then him. If I can be of more help,email me Good luck
2006-07-30 19:34:44 · answer #3 · answered by Arthur W 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am so sorry to hear that you are going through this. By the grace of God you will get you man back!! First I suggest that you ask your higher power to help you. Then I suggest you really think about the kind of disagreements you to had,if it is your fault find a way to correct it. He wants you to work less hours and focus more on him then do it. This is the man that you went before god with so you must do what ever it takes before either of you through in the towel.
2006-07-30 19:25:32 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe he needs the trial period to correct his wrong doings and just shoving the blame on you. Give him his time. Just let him know that a marriage is a two way street. To get you must give. I know it is tough to make a living these days but when you think about it....each other is all you really have. God be with you...
2006-07-30 19:22:35 · answer #5 · answered by norwood 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Start Showing him that u love him, he's right words are just words, if ur neighbor comes up to u and says hi, i love you? does it really mean that they do.. no of course not, u need to show him u love him, prove that he is more important then all the work ur doing, not that its a bad thing to work, but its a bad thing if ur neglecting your spouse because of work.. time to figure out whats more important, ur family or money..
2006-07-30 20:00:02 · answer #6 · answered by brwneyedgrl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask yourself if the marriage is something you want to save. If so, FIGHT. Do whatever it takes to keep it going. Changing your behavior, changing everything. It's not as hard as it sounds. Divorce is the EASY way out. However, if you truly see no future in this, better cut it off now before it lingers and gets ugly.
2006-07-30 19:19:03 · answer #7 · answered by dante_cubit_3000 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he get hurt over you working, than he needs to deal with it. What if you didn't like his job would he quit. My wife cheated on years, until she pasted away. It was hard on me and she always carried sorrow in her eyes for doing it. Though, I loved her and she loved, me and never again did it. She treated my like a king, a piece of my heart was gone. I wish that my problem was over something like a job.
2006-07-30 23:26:40 · answer #8 · answered by niceguy 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds to me like you really love him but because of the way you were raised, showing emotions has never really been easy. You could try counselling and hopefully that will open up ways for you to do just that. good luck
2006-07-30 19:31:57 · answer #9 · answered by christina s 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
show him that you are serious about making it work. consider independent counselling, cut back on the number of hours you work and be a wife to your husband.
remember also you have to grow with your husband, now that he has finished college and working he will obvious change from the one you were helping thru school...so adjust. and love him.
good luck.
2006-07-30 19:24:01 · answer #10 · answered by Stacy J 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋