Oxygen
Without jealousy, there's no acheivment
Without lust, I wont enjoy the year round mating season
Without pride, my self-image won't be intact
Without sloth, I won't be able to relax
Need avarice to be sure that I'll survive
Need anger for my hope to stay alive
They call these sins deadly, but life's weight is heavy
And how can I can lift it if I'm not energized?
The same things allowing me to live and desire
Fuels the destructive, life-threatening fire
2006-07-30 11:30:58 · 7 answers · asked by Subconsciousless 7 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Other - Arts & Humanities
HI
Good poem and good subject matter.
I believe each of things are needed to round out our lives.
But a key word is MODERATION. A little pride is a must but too much of it becomes a problem. The same with all the things your poem mentioned.
Bob
2006-07-30 11:32:53 · answer #1 · answered by Mr Bingo 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take out the first person tense ...otherwise it's great.
First person tense...no I's or references to yourself...ie:something like
Without jealousy; no acheivement
Without Lust; year round mating season is lost
Without pride; loss of self image
etc...
2006-07-30 18:35:47 · answer #2 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Jealousy has nothing to do with achievement, desire does. Sloth has nothing to do with being able to relax, you're poem is really stupid to me, sorry to sound rude, but I'm sure you want honest opinions. If it fuels the life-threatening fire how does it allow you to live. It's contradictory and non-sensical.
2006-07-30 18:34:41 · answer #3 · answered by violindiva72 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It makes me wish I could commit a deadly sin, kill myself, and go to hell. I would rather endure an eternity of flames burning off my flesh, then read your lame, pathetic, excuse for a rhyme.
F.Y.I.: Intact and relax do not rhyme.
2006-07-30 18:34:34 · answer #4 · answered by ? 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
its kinda a written testimonial from you keeping the faith that you need to fight or flight right?
too bad it couldn't have been about blessings..and faith..which also can lift you up.. in at least the faith in yourself if not from a higher force..
excerpted from 1100 A.D. on a bishops tomb in Westminster's abbey
--And now as I lay on my deathbed, I suddenly realize If only changed myself first, then by example I would have changed my family, from their inspiration, and encouragement, I would then been able to better my country, And who knows, I may have even been able to change the world.----
2006-07-30 18:43:54 · answer #5 · answered by staciesweet 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it's not bad, you should had a few more line, make it a little more exciting.
2006-07-30 18:35:04 · answer #6 · answered by kimmie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not bad.
2006-07-30 18:32:46 · answer #7 · answered by kewlkat103 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋