My wife and I do not tongue kiss. Kissing, she says, is even more intimate than sex. What to do?

Question

She doesn't feel "comfortable" about us kissing. She has said that she's self consciece about her breath since she smokes.

I think that since I'm unhappy it makes me "lazy" cause I have no "fuel" to keep me motivated to do things that may make her happy and also have nothing to look forward to (such as an intimate and passionate night). I think that she resents me for not being the "husband" she expects me to be but yet she's no where close to being the ideal wife for me either. I just think she doesn't like/love me enough to give me what I need to make me happy.

She's often bitter but a woman obviously has a need to be satisfied sexually from time to time so sex (as seldom as it may be) is not a problem but she will not share a nice intimate kiss with me.

If someone had told me that I would marry someone that I could not kiss on a regular basis I would say they were crazy but this is exactly what's happened.

We've been married for 5 yrs and have a 3 & 5 y.o. at home.

Answer 1

I also believe that kissing may be more intimate than sex. The question is why does she have intimacy issues? This does not appear to be workable relationship for much longer. Maybe she needs to hear that.

Answer 2

Sorry that you are going through this. It really sucks a big one. You need to get her really hot and horny. You need to invest in some candles, oils and an electric massager. Go in the bedroom in the evening when the kids are sleeping for the night or napping. Light the candles, dim the lights and make the bed really comfy: got a velvet blanket? Tell her you need her in the bedroom. Walk her to the bed and slowly slowly start to massage her. Take off her shirt and make sure the room is dark so she can't see what is coming. (The element of surprise is what will rekindle your kisses and passion, baby.) When she is moaning and relaxed, but not sleeping, break out the massager. You're a grown man. You start at her upper back/neck and you know where to go from there....down down down. Don't be shy. When she rolls over kiss her slow and deeply. Best wishes darling. I'm praying that the passion will return to your home.
~Sleek

Answer 3

WOW. She claims that kissing is TOO intimate? Who is she saving it for? Kissing being the ultimate intimate act is precisely why you should share this with your husband or someone you love. But I'm a little confused... is this recent? Was she kissing you before you got married?
You two really need to be able to talk this out, perhaps with some outside help. You could really do some compromising here, but it sounds like it's becoming an issue of each of you refusing the other's needs out of spite.
Best of luck to you, I'm hoping you can work this out for your sakes and your children...

Answer 4

IF you are comfortable with her breath you should encourage tongue kissing with your wife -- it IS intimate, but why should you two avoid any intimacy? It is comfortable, not vulgar in any way, and need not cause problems with cleanliness or grooming. If she is encouraged she may very well become more self-confident with you.. Of course avoid tongue kissing when the children are watching. Be gentle rather than insistent. Try gentle "taeasing" kisses first: learn to laugh and smile as you kiss -- whatever way and however frequently.

Answer 5

I think she may be insecure with her kissing method. Maybe a bad experience has made her feel self conscience and she don't think she can kiss. A tongue kiss is very intimate, but your are her husband. Maybe she doesn't like the way you kiss her, a little too sloppy or some other reason.

Answer 6

wow......you say your not happy and you say she isn't happy. You both need help counselling and a doctors visit for maybe looking at depression. Has your wife heard of gum, mouthwash or brushing her teeth if it is just her paranoid about her breath. It seems to me you have little kids and they are hard work and you lack sleep and it's just plain all too much usually. Don't blame each other for unhappiness it is yourself that you need to use to make you happy a partner is just somebody you share your life with. Get a babysitter and go out hire a cheep hotel bring mouthwash talk, have fun enjoy and communicate with each other.

Answer 7

If my girlfriend didn't kiss me i would think she didn't love me as much. Smoking shouldn't be an issue love is love no mater how bad her breath is from the habit.