How can I save my relationship before September 1st?

Question

I got together with my bf about 3 years ago while he was dating someone else. They broke up and we began dating LD, he was in NJ and I in MD. Almost a year into dating officially he asked me to move in to his new house and I did. Things have been hard for me trying to find a steady job w/o a degree in a wealthy area of Ivy grads therefore paying my "rent" and half of the bills has been sporadic. For a while I was fine, then took about 5 months to get stable, then got downsized. That was 6 months ago and I just finally found a longterm job with a 3 yr contract. Also, I finally was awarded financial aid so I can complete my degree. I got a signing bonus and a very hefty salary making my money issues obsolete. I found all of this out on the day my boyfriend decided that hes tired of all the fighting about this and he cant be with me anymore. I dont move until Sep 1 and want to do what I can to turn things around before then. Not a miracle, just enough to give him a reason to try

Let me explain further. The first time the money was a problem was when I first moved here. Then it was 6 months later. Its been an issue for the duration of my time here. We have good stretches and then fall back down again - we always manage to get back up again, but its just been really difficult dealing with the disappointments over and over again. I get the impression that he would feel weak going back on his decision after the fact - particularly since it all happened in the same 2 days. Hes 29 and Im 23 - we are beyond the time that its acceptable to jump to the dump. You dont spend 3 years with someone, move halfway up the east coast for them, and then allow it to be disposed of after some bad times. I know for a fact that this good step for me will be great for us, I just need to get him to see that (and remember why he loved me in the first place) before the move-out date. Also, I need advice on how to get to HI cheap at the end of Aug for a friends wedding.

The wedding would be a good time for us to experience some real "couple time" without dealing with this house and whatnot. Anyone willing to give away flier miles or make a trade for them?

Answer 1

Whatever you do don't hand him over all your money that you will get for school. Not to say he will be that way, but just in case he won't agree for you to stay you will have some monies to get a home of your own. Right now be honest with him and let him know it will and can get better. Money always put stress in any relationship, hard times usually bring out the worse in someone, so after seeing that if you still want to save this one try talking to him and letting him know how you feel.

Answer 2

My cousin had a similar issue w/ her boyfriend. He had a good job for a while & then just quit it w/o consulting w/ her. His excuse for not keeping the steady job was due him finding petty issues w/ a job & just leaving it w/o something else lined up. It was a big strain on my cousin b/c not only did she have to support herself & her child but now a grown man. Their relationship started to break down from there and got so bad that petty things like leaving the cap off of toothpaste sparked big arguments. Now he has another good job and has started back helping w/ bills but the relationship is so damaged that she's getting her own place this year & he's real salty.

Hate to say it but you also may be better off getting your own place for a while. I'm not saying he's right for ending the relationship but understand the strain & stress it has put on him also.

If y'all intend on being together for a long time understand that money will strain the relationship & that y'all have to work through the hard times in order to maintain. If he doesn't get it now then he'll be doing the same to his wife one day.

This is definately not an issue anyone wants to deal w/ regardless which side of the issue you are on. Good Luck.

Answer 3

Wow. SO first of all good for you for not deciding to have an abortion as many would do in your situation. Kudos:) This is difficult as you both have a lot of growing up to do. What has happened is that one, you are pregnant and with that comes the major hormones! They really suck and unfortunately we tend to take it out on those that are near us and we love. The other side is he is not used to being in this sort of role. Even though he loves you and tells you that he is still on the brink of bachelor hood. THat is what he's used to. All men go through that, since you are not married he really isn;t tied down. The fact that you are now pregnant with his baby he feels trapped. Its not your fault. It's how the male's brain works. He on one hand, wants to be there for you and the baby. On the other hand he wants to remain free and to live his life. I had to deal with that even the first part of my marriage. I really didn't see that coming. I don't usually do this but I'm going to email you my yahoo IM. If you would like we can chat as I think that would be more effective than trying to type everything out on here. There is so much going on. I have some great pregnancy sites too that are fun and informative. Best of luck, blessings and I will talk to ya soon:) Ok so it looks like you don't allow email and IM. Smart:) email me then and I will give you my IM.

Answer 4

If the money is truely the only issue, then you shouldn't have any problem getting your relationship back on track. But myself, I think there are more problems than that. Life can be hard but you two are supposed to be a couple. That means that you take the good with the bad. You had a bad spell, instead of fighting with you he should be trying to help you get back on your feet.. I would seriously consider moving somewhere else and moving on with your life.

Answer 5

Here's what you have to do: You have to talk to him. tell him everything you feel. talk about love is making things work. you've survived long distance, financial stress, and probably other things not even in your post, and if you can get through that, chances are you're with someone who you can deal with things easily for the long run, especially since most things will not be so dramatic as all that.

talk about what aspects of the fighting you can work on - try to look at it objectively and see what will work out the best for the both of you - not just one or the other.

it's not about "winning him back" with a due date - you need to see him asap and just say, look, this is how i feel, and at any rate, no matter what we decide, i need to tell you how i feel, and i need to know what you feel.

you'll either get back together, or you'll have the necessary closure on that relationship. At any rate, the experience in solving difficult problems will give you what you need for a succesful future relationship, whether with him or someone new.

why are you still reading this? CALL HIM! TALK TO HIM!!

Answer 6

In my opinion, you should start over. I know you probably love your boyfriend, but you both need a new start and to settle down. Meet each other in 3 - 5 years, and see if your financial situation is more stable. Than maybe you can continue where you left off.

Answer 7

Just remember if you want something you are willing to take a risk, if you want something bad enough then you are willing to risk everything. Nothing is impossible and you have a whole month to do it. Use your imagination, but just dont lie to him or use false pretenses to entrap him. If this relationship was meant to be then love will find a way. It may not be easy but you can do it Good Luck

Answer 8

Lets face it, you may not be able to convince him. "Once bitten twice shy." Don't make a huge issue over the money. Pay as much as you are able and show him you can manage the money. Don't spend lavishly. Learn to budget everything and keep detailed records of your purchases. It is hard to do, but it will show him you are serious about getting your finances under control. It is up to him to decided after you show him you have changed.

Answer 9

Tell him all your good news and let him know the financial stress is now over. Ask him to give your relationship another try and remind him why he fell in love with you in the first place!!

Good Luck!

Aloha!

Answer 10

If he's not willing to be their for you through the rough times then he's not worth being with through the good times. F U C K him he's not strong enough to be their for you when you need him leave him. theirs a sayin I can do bad all by myself.