I was in love with a man when we were eighteen years old. We got engaged but clearly, I was not ready. I suggested we date other people for a while to see if we both still felt the same about each other after a few months. He was dead set against the idea but I forced him into it. A few months later he got another girl pregnant. He gave me an ultimatum - either I marry him immediately, or he would marry this girl he impregnated. After thinking it over, I declined figuring that was no way to begin a marraige. It is now almost 30 years later and I regret that decision every day, as I was never able to fall in love with another man. This has depressed me my whole life, and I feel like I'm not living amongst other happy people. Did I make the right choice. or have I really wasted my life?
2006-07-30 10:46:23 · 10 answers · asked by mirish55 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I am 29, and I did the same thing you did----thinking about this good man I had "let go" when I was in college.. But recently when I was talking to my mother about it, she said something to me that made me get over it. My very wise mother said:
"It was Not meant to be--if it was meant to be--It Would Have Happened".
He made the decision to have sex with that girl, and if it was meant to be, that baby would have never happened. Have you ever seen that movie "Like Water For Chocolate"? Its this great love story about this man who loved this woman soooo much, but her mother woulnt let her marry him..He was forced to marry another woman, and it took him almost 4 months to sleep with his new wife, and hated sleeping with her--because he only wanted his Love...
As for the "what-ifs": That man could now be bald, fat, with a big beer belly and blind from diabetes...he is no longer that cute 18 year old fine specimen that you fell in love with, trust me. People change.
As far you not loving anyone anymore. Look, its time to take control of this situation. So, you must be about 48, right?
Ok, there are many fabulous women at that age: Oprah Winfrey, Janice Dickesnon, and many others. 48 does not mean Dead. They say that "50 is the new 40"..So you should do something that Oprah Winfrey calls "Stage your own Comeback". That means, if you have "let yourself go", then its time to become your beautiful self agian. Whether you need to lose weight, get back in shape, buy an updated warbrode, or go back to school--its time to become the best "You" that you can be...Oprah has had shows that showed how women looked just awful, but they dieted and exercised for months, bought a new wardrobe, got a new hairstyle, got their self esteem back--and looked fabulous again..Its time to work on your life so you can attract that Great Love that is waiting for you...But dont spend your time going to singles bars and singles clubs--this is about YOU. Its about you becoming so full of energy, life, and fulfilling your career dreams, and having love for yourself that you begin to Glow , Shine, and attract that Great Man..
Let that 18 year old boy go...That baby and wife was HIS DESTINY. 18 was too young to get married, and you did the right thing by waiting to see if it was meant to be. He went out there and had sex with another woman--and his destiny was fulfilled.
.....BUT, Dont miss your destiny by not letting go of him.
Stage your Comeback and Fall in Love with life and yourself agian.
Peace
2006-07-30 11:38:16 · answer #1 · answered by Plus-Sized &Proud 4 · 7⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes, you have to love someone enough to let them go. I'm doing that right now, and its the most painful thing i've gone through so far in life. You made the right decision all those years ago. You may have loved him, but there would always be another woman in his life, the mother of his child. And 3 people doesn't fit into a marriage. I wonder everyday if i'll ever love again the way i loved the man I had to let go. But somehow you have to have faith, that things happen for a reason, whats meant to be will be. As for wasting you're life, you don't have to.
2006-07-30 10:59:06 · answer #2 · answered by smt1967 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You did the right thing. What is happening now, is you are still alone, and that's what's bothering you. Because things were never "bad" with you and your lost love, of course any other time something goes bad with someone else you immediately think of the good thing that you lost. My advice is don't look at the "good things" you might have missed, but be glad you DID miss the "bad things" of what would have happened - you were young - obviously then you weren't ready for commitment, he didn't have a serious commitment - and the timing was all wrong.
At any rate, as Tom Petty says, time to move on :) Don't worry if anything was wasted. Focus on your life as if the past never was there, shatter your image of "the perfect man" and open your heart to love someone. It will come. Hard to believe I know, but it will happen if you are ready to step into the present :)
2006-07-30 10:58:08 · answer #3 · answered by Chelle 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't say you've wasted you life, because it just went in a different direction that what you thought. As far as the situation at the time, you did right because the way things happened, you were not getting married for the right reasons to be happy, it was a force situation. You should have learned about procrastinating on matters that were important to your livelihood and got some of what you wanted by this time. Being depressed won't change anything except the way you carry your life from this point on to be happy, so keep things in prospective for that reason.
2006-07-30 10:56:20 · answer #4 · answered by msthinkpositive 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The past is something everyone wishes they could change. You made a decision years ago and wonder if it was the right one. It is too late to go back and change things. He may be very happy or he may be miserable, but he is not the same boy you knew all those years ago.
Remember the people change as they grow. They learn from their experiences and personalities adapt to them. You remember him as he was 30 years ago, but he is different now. You are not the same person you were 30 years ago either.
I would suggest you talk to a counselor about this love situation. You are holding on to the past and cannot move forward until you let the past go. A good counselor can help you do this.
2006-07-30 10:54:14 · answer #5 · answered by physandchemteach 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stop beating a dead horse.
The only way you've wasted anything is by obsessing about this ONE decision you made 30 years ago. Get on with your life, and stop living in the past.
I still think about the first guy I liked, but NOT EVERY DAY. In fact, I hardly ever think about him at all, because I live in the here and now, and don't have the time to waste on "shoulda - coulda - woulda".
2006-07-30 10:49:38 · answer #6 · answered by Nosy Parker 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, you made the right choice. That was not a good way to start a relationship. For him to force you to make a choice like that, be glad you choose the way you did. Now get out there and have a good life.
2006-07-30 11:02:58 · answer #7 · answered by doglady 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have wasted your life loving someone who is untouchable. Live your life today and not tororrow or what could have or should have been. Now is the time to move forward and not backward. I sure hope you can otherwise your life will always be miserable.
2006-07-30 10:53:33 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
whatever it was, was. You can not change the past. Get it over and let it go.
The only waste is the regret.
2006-07-30 10:53:24 · answer #9 · answered by Carlos 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Lots of matters however the largest one used to be to transport to the nation whilst i used to be environment myself up in London. Mistimed and really badly judged with disastrous penalties in phrases of individual existence, earnings and profession.
2016-08-28 15:29:51 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋