How can I stop my cruel husband calling me nasty names in front of our two young children?

Question

I can't divorce my husband because
a. I live in Malta and we have no divorce, but we can seperate.
b. I don't work so I depend totally on my husband financially.
c. My parents are both dead.

Answer 1

XXXXXXXXXX the truth is, he mentally divorced you the first time he disrespected you in front of your kids. He knows you are depended on him and he uses that as a crutch. No matter what it takes or what you have to do, I'd leave him and not take any more of his abuse. Not a moment longer. There are places you can go. Find a Red Cross near you, find a womans shelter, go to a church, stop using the fact that you don't have a job or a mom and dad to continue getting this abuse from him especially in front of your children. Wake up!!!!!!!! Think of yourself and your kids and pack now. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Answer 2

You must start somewhere in gaining your independence. I don't know what the thing is with Malta and divorce so I can't address that. With regard to you not working and being totally dependent on your husband financially, you need to get a job and start putting money aside. You will have to struggle but it will be worth it. Your two children are being shaped into the adults that they will be by the environment that they are raised in. If you don't show them a different way of living, they will think that this is acceptable or they will resort to what is familiar when they are grown even if they know that it is wrong. I am sorry about your parents being deceased. That's tough. How about a church or other family and friends as sources of support? If none of that is an option, take it to the Lord in prayer and have faith. If your husband refuses to respect you, you will have to remove yourself from his grasps.

Answer 3

this is a serious situation....I hope that you can find some help....
cause what your husband is doing is wrong. .......Try to find
some help there......a friend, an agency, a helpline....
I don't know how bad this is.....but finding a way to get educated
or work would be the best if it is bad.
If it is so bad you want a divorce....you need someone to help
There is always a will and a way.
A good story is by Carmine Bin Laden..she was married
into the Bin Laden family.......and did get away. If you want
help for your husband and children to stay....I hope they have
counselors in Malta.

Answer 4

You have to convince him to seek counseling. If this continues, your children will learn that his behaviour is normal and they will seek/build relationships like the one they see every day.

If you can't do that, you're going to have to take the children and go somewhere where you can divorce him.

Here's a list of women's organizations that may be of help.

The National Council Of Women
23, St. Andrew Street
Valletta, Malta


Nationalist Party Female Movement
Dar Centrali PN
Pieta, Malta


Socialist Women
I1-Macina
Senglea, Malta


Women's Aid Organization
P.O. Box 78
Sliema, Malta
Tel: 447310

Good luck

Answer 5

Oh My Goodness! Thats horrible!

Well, you should try to go to school or find a job so you can become INDEPENDANT..Its 2006, and women dont need to depend of their husbands anymore!

In the meantime, stop having sex with your husband. Teach him that if he wants to enjoy YOUR BODY--then he had better be nice! I'm serious.. When I get married, I would never give my husband my nookies if he was treating me bad. I am used to be treated with respect, love, and kindness..Let your husband have sex with himself until he treats you better. If you sleep with him while he is acting like this, you are a fool, sorry if that sounds mean. Put him on Punishment. He'll get mad at you, but dont even argue about it--just sleep in another room, and if he tries to touch you, dont let him.

Peace and Good Luck.

Answer 6

1. Are you allowed independency? Get a job and save some money, if you do want to seperate. 2. Do you have a friend or family you could stay with until you could support yourself? I won't divorce my husband because I believe it is wrong, but he too is verbally abusive. This is not a funny reply, have you tried killing him with kindness or reminding him you are a good person and expect and deserve better? Good luck my friend.

Answer 7

Move, separate, get a job. He has no motivation to quit no matter what you do because you have gotten yourself in to a situation where you have no options, not good ones at least. The only way to stop a thing like this is to refuse to tolerate it, but in order for that to work you have to be able to walk out if it doesn't stop. Besides its not about the fact that he does it in front of the kids, of course thats awful and they are going to be just as awful as he is when they grow up, its really about the fact that he shouldn't do it at all. If you can't figure a way out of this for yourself do it for your kids, they are being screwed up and terrorized by this, it is changing who they are and who they will become, so if you ever hope for them to have a happy and successful relationship when they grow up you have to have one yourself.

Answer 8

he has no respect for you , leave him go to a womans refuge, he has no right to disrespect you at all especially in front of your kids, your kids are going to grow up thinking calling you nasty names is ok, i mean do you really want the pain of hearin your own child called you B****, please you can find financial help some where, try looking for a job put kids in day care so you can work, save the money up, and become independent, you can do it, id rather be seperated from my abusive partner than to spend everyday being mentally abused and humilated infront of your own children..
have you explained to him how bad it makes you feel when he calls you that, have you tried marriage councelling, maybe he needs councelling hes prob heard his dad call his mum all the names when he was a child.. do you want you children to be like that to their partners when they are older?
-can you not go stay with a friend take your kids till you can stand on your own two feet?
please dont live a life you dont have to, think how happy ull be without demoralising comments being thrown at you left right and center everyday... leave him for your children.. leave him for you, i hope you get things sorted i wish you all the luck and happiness you deserve, be firm give him an ultimatum you can do it, treat you with the respect you deserve or lose his life

Answer 9

You have a few options:
1. Talk to him. Tell him the effect it has on you and your children.
2. Marriage counseling. Maybe a third party would help.
3. Get a job and start saving money. I hate to be a pessimist, but in my expirience, men like that don't change. If he doesn't respect you by now, he probably never will. For your sake and the children's, I hope he does. That is a terrible thing to deal with, and no one deserves that.
Also, check out these sites. They should give you more tips on how to cope, deal with the abuser, and other people to talk to!

Answer 10

sounds like you're in an abusive relationship. if you're financially dependant on him, then why don't you seperate? when you're seperated, you will still be taken care of financially, but you won't be living together. if not, do you have friends or other relatives to stay with? give your husband an ultimatum; tell him you will leave with the kids if he can't get it together. chances are, he can't get it together, cuz men who abuse are nothing but lame cowards themselves and don't deserve their kids or you. if all else fails, you can call a shelter....verbal abuse is just as significant as physical abuse, and it can eventually lead to worse. so get help and act quickly, cuz the longer you stick around, the worse it will get