Can you check my grammar for my fundraising letter?

Question

Do you want to save a good sum of money on your tax bill while at the same time helping some people who are in very serious need of your help?

Keeping to tradition, Buckeye Bread Basket, a nonprofit organization, would like to assist our community this year by hosting its Annual Thanksgiving Day dinner for the needy people, providing a free thanksgiving meal to them. More than 400 people are expected to attend the dinner, both families with children, and single member families.

However, today's tough economic conditions make it difficult for Buckeye Bread Basket to meet those needs without help from people like you. We will hold our holiday fund-raising sale of greeting cards to help raise the necessary funds. The greeting cards come in boxes of ten with green envelopes and feature an original watercolor scene, created by a famous Ohio artist.

Please share the many blessings you will enjoy on Thanksgiving Day. We would like to ask your help in raising money for our annual Thanksgiving Day dinner by simply purchasing these wonderful holiday greeting cards. With your purchase, you will receive a tax deductible receipt. For the price of $24.50, the money from the sale of a single box can feed a hungry family of four on Thanksgiving. Please place your orders by simply using the enclosed form and return envelope. Should you require further information, please contact 1-000-000-0000 by phone or at our mailing address.
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thank you for reading my letter.

Answer 1

As far as gramatics and spelling go, here are my two corrections...

"both families with children, and single member families." --> "both families with children and single member families."

"fund-raising" --> fundraising

Answer 2

Do you want to save on your tax bill while at the same time helping others in serious need?

Keeping with tradition, Buckeye Bread Basket, a nonprofit organization, would like to assist our community once again this year by hosting its Annual Thanksgiving Day dinner for the needy by providing them with a free Thanksgiving meal. More than 400 people are expected to attend the dinner, both singles and families with children.

Unfortunately, today's tough economic conditions make it difficult for Buckeye Bread Basket to meet those needs without help from caring people like you.

We will hold our holiday fund-raising sale of greeting cards to help raise the necessary funds on (provide date, time and place here). The greeting cards come in boxes of ten with green envelopes and feature an original watercolor scene, created by a famous Ohio artist, (place name here).

In the true spirit of Thanksgiving we ask that you share the many blessings you will enjoy this Thanksgiving Day by simply purchasing these wonderful holiday greeting cards. With your purchase, you will receive a tax deductible receipt. For the price of $24.50, the money from the sale of a single box can feed a hungry family of four on Thanksgiving.

Please place your orders by simply using the enclosed form and return envelope. Should you require further information, please contact us by phone at 1-000-000-0000 or at our mailing address.

Answer 3

Here goes - but it's screwed up because it's been reformatted so please excuse minor errors.
P.1, L.2 - delete "some". You could also use the word "amount" rather than "sum" in line 1. L.2 - eliminate "very serious". Too obvious.
P.2,L.1 "to" to "with", L.2 eliminate "the" or, in the alternative, make it "the needy." Last line, P.2-...and singles.

Also - ditch the pitch. This is not the place for it.

Answer 4

I think it;s fine as it is. It carries all necessary information and the plea is heartfelt. Good luck with your fund raising.

The only thing I would question is nonprofit. I would say non-profit making organization

Answer 5

It is perfect

Online Spelling, Grammar, and Thesaurus checking

Answer 6

How about changing: "Do you want to save a good sum of "

to

"How would you like to save a good sum"

Answer 7

Sounds perfect!!!!!!! I sincerely wish you all the best in your fund-raising endeavours.