My finance and I are having problems with regards to sex. He is never in the mood for it when I am and he attributes much of it to his youth; apparently he used sex in the past as a means to feel "needed". He is from an adopted home where he says that he never felt love and never received hugs. Now that we are together, sex seems more of a task for him. He knows that I love him and cherish him, but as he has pretty much stated, sex is not all that important to him. He loves to hug and cuddle, but now that he knows that he's with someone who loves him, he doesn't feel a need for sex. I on the other hand feel and know the importance of the intimate bond and closeness that sex brings. I have brought it to his attention that he as probably developed a warp sense of what sex really means since he never place much importance on it since he has used it in the past to complete a feeling of being needed.
I think would could both benefit from sex counseling at least. Any other suggestions?
2006-07-30 07:12:00 · 12 answers · asked by Kip T 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I think you are right, but I would choose a regular therapist and not a sex therapist.
2006-07-30 07:17:02 · answer #1 · answered by BoomChikkaBoom 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If the problems are as you stated, then counseling may help. But also, some people just have a lower libido than others. He may be one of them.
There is a supplement that actually helps men produce more testosterone. It is called Tribulex. It actually works. It may be something else he'd like to try. You can get it at body-building shops or even health food stores. And just try to remember that there are women out there dying for non-sexual attention and would trade anything in the world to be in your position. so try to look on the bright side. Everyone has their burden to carry in life.
2006-07-30 07:59:47 · answer #2 · answered by Mistress T 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well in my opinion...a relationship is based on what you make it and want it to be. I understand that you want to be intimate with your finacee but sometimes the past never fades away. Counseling is a great idea, but pressuring someone only makes things much harder. Talk to him about how you feel, and take his feelings into consideration as well....sex is just an added bonus, but love is more beautiful, and it weighs nothing. Good Luck with everything
2006-07-30 07:40:18 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you are absolutely right, a regular therapist can help you with sexual problems also, because they probably aren't actually about sex at all so no need to go hunting for a specialist. It seems that you love each other very much so if you stick to it and get some assistance you'll be fine. Good luck to you!
2006-07-30 07:43:51 · answer #4 · answered by dappersmom 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Counseling
2006-07-30 07:38:09 · answer #5 · answered by P K 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you are putting to big an emphasis on sex. If he is happy being intimate once in a while, you have a great man. Feed his imagination if you really want to get him going and feel you need more sex. He might just be bored. Men need visual stimulation and variety.
2006-07-30 07:22:03 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You say he used sex in the pass as means to feel needed, I don't think so. I hate to say this maybe u are of the wrong sex and he is having problems with his sexual identity and he is afraid to lose you or just plain afraid to let his true feeling out. talk to him and tell him in a nice way to tell you the truth. Since it is not fair for both of you to be in a relationship that is not going anywhere.
2006-07-30 07:38:15 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should get counseling,I also think he isn't telling you the entire story about his sexual issues. I don't want to suggest anything but counseling would be a start.
Good Luck
2006-07-30 07:34:24 · answer #8 · answered by GoldenGirl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
go for professional help and see a therapist.
2006-07-30 07:19:19 · answer #9 · answered by Dani 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
counseling should help.
try to seduce him.
2006-07-30 07:23:25 · answer #10 · answered by angel 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋