has anyone experienced a long marriage that has been successful?

Question

can someone who knows explain to me how a marriage can go from strength to strength? how do you maintain interest in each other and overcome the routine and people's faults? it seems to me that often one party takes the other for granted. what does it feel like to have a healthy stable relationship that works for both people?

Answer 1

24 years- give each other space (not to much), keep your identity and grow together.
the biggest success of a marriage ? RESPECT

Answer 2

I've been married for seventeen years. It's been amazing. There are ups and downs. Times when I'm ready to kill him and times he's wanted to do the same. Those things are bound to happen. It's how you get through them that really matters. What has kept us together is our friendship and laughter. I should add that we also both have the logic that "things could always be worse" when times are hard. And things will get routine at some point in time, but that's when it's up to both of you to spice it up a little. Try something new. For example, we use to walk after dinner every night to catch up on each other's days, that got old so we started bike riding to see more of the city, when that gets old, we'll try something new. We also have four boys that keep us pretty busy. It's also important to date your spouse once in awhile. It helps keep the romance and the desire alive. I thought this was odd too when I received this advice, but to get dressed up once a month, enjoy a nice dinner where you aren't cutting up someone elses meat, and then a movie or something really means a lot. It's been 17 yrs and no matter where we are, what I'm wearing, or who is with us, my husband still finds it necessary to race out of the car just to open my door. As far as the faults we each have? Rather than nagging each other about them, we tease each other. It's less harsh and there are alot more important things I need to worry about than him leaving his laundry three feet from the hamper. Marriage can be a difficult thing, but it can also be wonderful if you put your heart and soul into it.

Answer 3

Sorry, thought I had one but after 27yrs guess I was mistaken. I think because the times have changed so have values. I believe wedding vows have had the biggest hit. In the good ole days woman stayed home cooked,cleaned, and raised respectable children. The man brought home the money. Somewhere along the line came women lib which in my mind screwed it all up. Sorry gals that's how I feel about it. Children are now being raised by strangers in day care, or if they are lucky Grandma. Not much one on one attention for them in daycare. women work right besides the men now ,so who cooks anymore? that's why the fast food industry is booming. And if the house gets clean well you all are lucky but you still got the laundry to do. OK on the other hand since the the work field is full now the cost of living has went up. So now both mom and dad have to work to make it.I am a woman and have never thought myself less than a man even if I was cooking cleaning and taking care of the children. I enjoyed it. As far as working outside the house I have done that also after the children grew up. I guess I'm old fashion but I prefer home sweet home. And that is how I think marriage went down hill.

Answer 4

There is no ONE right answer, as each couple is different from the next. We have been married over 23 years with 4 kids, My husband is from the other side of the world born and raised, different customs,traditions, values,language and entirely different lifestyle all together. We have faught over every thing you can imagine yet we are still together and in love and have the absolute best sex life imaginable. Every day life is not a set thing with us as we take each day as it comes. There is no plateau, you do not get to a certain point and that is it, no every day is something new and exciting, as we each get older and our kids get older we change together. Our looks, our lives, our attitudes and our lives in general change. Yet we are doing it together as a husband and wife and as a family! It feels wonderful and comfortable to love and be loved by my husband who knows me more and better than anyone in the entire world (almost as much as my mother knew me) The trick is not to let it get routine, we have never been able to do that due to all of the differences between us....we still are finding things out about each other believe it or not. You can look for a good partner but I believe in fate and you will find exactly what you are suppose to find. You can make a "good" marriage and work hard at it, yet there is no guarantee, however there is fate and if it is ment to be and last forever it will , all things will work out the way they are intended to, just remember to love and respect your partner as you want to be. I wish you well and happiness in life, you can't change the way a person is, you can't change who you really are either. So accept the person you love ....for the reason you love that person.

Answer 5

I got married last year but I met him when I was 16. So we have been together now for 15 years. We have lived together for 5 years before the wedding. We love each other very much, as on the first day, more than the first day. Today it's not easy to be happy for people so I think I'm lucky. I think that living together before the wedding is a good thing in order to know better your partner, day after day, with all the problems of the modern life. Sorry for my mistakes, I'm Italian.

Answer 6

My parents and Grandparents - I remeber attending my grandparents ruby when I was younger.
Relationships are based on 4 things in my eyes:
Love
Respect
Trust
Honesty
If you love someone you love all of them, if they are doing something you dont like, you talk it through with them and come to an compromise, dont bottle it up, let it put and let them know how you feel.
What does it feel like to have a healthy stable relationship that works for both people? Different for everycouple, but amazing.

Answer 7

My grandfather sadly died 6 months before my grandparents' 60th wedding anniversary. The secret of their success always seemed to me to be familiarity, friendship, and trust. They had common interests but also separate activities that gave them something fresh and different to talk about.

I think there's a cultural angle as well. They wouldn't have considered divorce if they didn't get on, whereas my generation...well, I've been married & divorced twice and amongst my friends, I'm not unusual.

Answer 8

I know HOW to do it, I have done it, but I will tell you it is just plain old work on a day to day basis. And, I will tell you that, truthfully, I no longer do it for I lost the one person I was willing to do it for. Today, I just don't care enough to go through all the work it takes.
Here is what is needed:
Daily, you must compliment the other...what great hair, love your eyes, you have a great body made for loving...all the bull you can come up with, but mean what you say. Too often, we stop telling our other half the things we feel about them. IT IS NOT good enough to say, "I love you." They already know that. Daily deed that show appreciation are absolutely necessary. Remind your mate everyday of what a wise choice they made all those years ago by choosing you for their life's mate. Dont tell them that, show them. Create romance in the bedroom...avoid the same ole same ole. When people say, "spice it up," they mean more than changing positions...believe me on that one. Role play...you can be all those different people that one would "step out with" Be all and everything, but don't be clinging..give free reign and they won't stray far....good boys (and girls) always come home, happy for the space. Never compete with your mate in social settings...let them shine as stars, and they will return the same. Always express pride in your mate when in social settings, never put them down...build them up. Make them feel great about themselves. Let them talk to you, let them tell you their fears, give council when ask, give silence when it is apprecated. They have a life of their own, respect it, and they will allow you to have your own in return. Remember that too much time together is as bad as not enough...fiind that happy medium that makes it work. We do NOT own our mates, EVER! We are graced with the presence. Good luck

Answer 9

My Mum N Dad
But There Ain't Guarantee
At Oll

Answer 10

http://www.barbaradeangelis.com/advice.asp

our first long marriage failed.

we are in a long marriage now and all that we learned from Barbara above and elsewhere has made our current marriage work and totally fullfilling.

both of you get relationship training and you can have a good marriage too.

Answer 11

i know a few . but not me ! and who ever said have kids to keep a marriage is stupid . if the marriage is not working the last thing u need to do is have kids its not fair on them