My wife left me 3 years ago when I was over seas serving my country. I’m still having a hard time moving on. Her thoughts and memories never leave my mind, I think of her all the times. I still love her very much, and dream of her often. Some days I get up in the morning and don’t know how I can make through another day without her being here.
2006-07-30 05:56:12 · 12 answers · asked by Ray 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
This is going to be long...so bear with me. You are in very real pain. Your ex is NOT creating this pain, you are. IT is your body and your brain that is creating the chemical mix that produces this pain. Emotions are experienced by flows of chemicals within the body, so ONLY YOU have the power to stop the chemical production. You are experiencing prolonged grief over loss. You are dragging this process out into an abnormal time period, time wasted never to be reclaimed. You will not live forever, and the time you are wasting will, one day, be very valuable to you. I am going to suggest a very different approach to what you are doing, for what you are doing is NOT working. Do this ONLY if you are intelligent. DO NOT DO THIS if you are average or below average on the IQ scale. IT can be dangerous, but it is 100% guaranteed to work if you can make it through it.
1) get out ALL pictures, mementos, all things that bring thoughts of her and the good times. Arrange them about in a small room.
2) get out candles, soft lighting...anything romantic you can think of...leave ALL alcohol and drugs out of this picture...you must be very clear headed to do this.
3) find music that is downright depressing, those songs you shared with her, anything that sparks memories of her.
4) Make sure there are NO guns or pills in the house..take them out and leave them with someone else.
5) disconnect all phones...if there is a danger that someone will call and be worried if you don't answer, call them and tell them you are going a way for a day or so. Tell them you are turning your cell phone off because you are sick to death of phone calls and need a break
6) close the doors and lock them...leave a note on the door to NOT DISTURB>
7) Turn on the music, light the candles, and go into that place that you find so depressing. Get as low as you want, feel as sorry for yourself as you can, cry, weep, wail, whatever...feel grief as deeply as you can. Wallow in it, feel horrible. She is DEAD to you...she died years ago, she is NOT coming back from the grave.
8) Do this as long as you can stand...there will come a time when your headache from crying will be unbearable, you will become so bored with all this self pity, that you will have had enough. When you reach that point, you are on your way to recovery. Boredom can do wonders for the soul. You will realize the futility of your grief and self pity.
9) When you reach that point, take some asperin to get rid of the headache, put up all the pictures and music, blow out the candles, file the pictures, etc., in a box labeled.."Past Life Experiences," and you will begin to move on. The wieght of the world will be lifted from your shoulders. As humans, we can only grieve so much before we begin closure and move forward. You need to do this, and this is the condensed, Highly concentrated way to do it.
Good Luck
2006-07-30 06:16:33 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
1
2016-05-08 13:49:08 · answer #2 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have had the same problem as you but for six years. I love her still, we have two beautiful kids, boy who is fourteen now and a girl who is older. Our love seemed to grow the longer we were together, at least my love for her did. Of course I wanted the best for my family and worked hard to make it so. I have never seen anyone that could come close to her beauty, warmth and the way her eyes looked at me then. but she left why? she said because i did not spend enough time with her and the kids. An excuse? perhaps but when she left my world ended. I moved way out in an unpopulated, quiet, and wooded area i was not wanting contact with anyone other than my kids. I also started working even harder and tried to forget my love for her. I could not,and like you chose to remember the great times and the happiness I felt with her. I do not know how to tell anyone just how much I loved her then. She could make me feel so much, so strongly that I could and did get off when she just kissed me. I mean for real not just mentally. People have said "OH that was the problem, too quick to satisfy her", no we made love till she was satisfied every time. Now I can't feel anything like that, for anyone else, I've tried. I hope you can find some other love for you to share your life with, if not then continue to remember the good things you had with her, it will be all you have.
2006-07-30 06:57:55 · answer #3 · answered by eudaemon 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are a normal male but the length of time you mention worries me a little. Six months is the normal period before you can comfortably move on with your life. In all honesty a well built sweet she-male who takes an interest in you and allows love to develop will have thoughts of your ex pushed into the storage bin of your brain's hard drive in no time at all. Don't obsess over something which you can't control. Open your eyes and look around you. You can be happy or you can be sad; nobody elser really gives a big hairy rats rear end which way you are. I would advise you to go for the happiness as you are going to get old and die no matter which way you chose.
2006-07-30 06:10:15 · answer #4 · answered by acmeraven 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it is going to be difficult but you will have to try, remember that while you where serving your country you neglected her, she felt alone and im sure also scared for your safety. the time that you two spent away from each other must have killed her and maybe she realized that you two are not meant to be. i think to find closure you will need to have a talk to her to find out her real reasons for leaving you. approach this matter with a lot of tact - remind her that this is no ploy to get back with her and that you need to understand what went wrong to be able to move on with your own life . the main things to find out is if she found someone else, if she fell out of love with you, if your job has anything to do with this ?
after finding out those few things sit down and write all the things that you have done wrong versus all the good things you have with her or done to her. be honest , as working through your feelings about this will keep u saine. i think you should also think about what you really want too- it could be that you are feeling lonely and the only person that filled that void was her. also take note of your daily patterns if you spend most of the time alone in a place that is always reminding you of her then you will not be able to move on. start doing extra hobbies and activities - do something outragious like painting or learning a musical instrument - call up your friends and see what you can do to fill your days with. also if you feel like you can not handle a particular day with out her get out a pen and paper and write down your feelings and then burn the letter. its not often that we can find someone to talk to through these situations. be strong , u have survived this far and you will be able to get over this. God bless
2006-07-30 06:12:24 · answer #5 · answered by candystore 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can see how that may be a problem. You have to keep in your mind that she has moved on. She doesn't call or try to see you any more. She is embracing and living life! So don't you let it pass you by! Because as you are pining away for a lost love. A true love could have passed you by without you seeing or paying attention! Find hobbies or other things to kep you active!! Get out and meet people "women". And when you feel really down, find a trusted friend or family member to talk to. Good luck.....
2006-07-30 06:07:07 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It will take a long time and you will always love her. I believe when you truly love someone that love stays with you for the rest of your life. When you are ready you put her in a corner of your heart and move on. It is better to remember the happy times and the more you talk about it the easier it will get. If you hold in all your resolved feeling it will linger for a long long time. I wish you the best. Things like this are never easy. My thoughts are with you.
2006-07-30 06:03:57 · answer #7 · answered by twinsmakesfive 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stop thinking only of the good times. Remember the bad ones, particularly how she kicked you to the curb. Then the next time you start to think about her, do something that requires ALL of your attention so there isn't room in your thoughts for her.
Stop being a cry baby. If mama took one pacifier away find another pacifier.
2006-07-30 06:02:46 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
u need some type of closure probably something you never got. see if she will see you. if she won't then sit down and write her a letter get everything off your chest that is bothering you , and is stopping u from moving on. that helps sometimes. if not seek help it's not a bad thing, somethime things in life a very hard to let go and we need help in doing so. wish you the best , hope everything works out for u.
2006-07-30 06:05:27 · answer #9 · answered by â?¥Annieâ?¥ 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Replace her with some hot little young chick. Have a good time, you'll forget all about her.
2006-07-30 08:20:42 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋