My wife has decided to seperate from me, taking my 2 year son with her. I relize now that she is leaving what the problems are between. Should I let her go and work on the issues we have while seperated or should I fight to keep her here with me? I am stationed in Germany in the military and she is going back to the United States.
2006-07-30 05:52:57 · 36 answers · asked by Ron f 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
to be totally honest I know what the problems are. I have nto been the most resposible or loving father or husband. Yes I love and honor my family and no I was never abusive. But Yes I was unresponsible with paying bills and taking care of important issues. I was never a very good at showing my feelings. Which means I have hard time expressing my love and trust for her. She is leaving she has her mind made up.
2006-07-30 06:27:35 · update #1
Aww I am sorry you are having to go thru this while you are stationed and can't leave and figure this out... there are so many things running thru your head right now... you have alot on your plate!! first I want to send out a Thank you for helping protect us and second I will answer your question
If you fight to keep her there and the differences between you two are unfixable then she will only end up really disliking you so you have to think are they fixable or not?
If you work on those problems that were wrong between the both of you and she does the same make sure you both know you were working on things and see where it takes you..
Are you still in love with her and is she still with you cuz if you both are still in love things have a funny way of working themselves out!!!
If she just isn't in love with you anymore you can't make her love you by fighting for her... I am now seperated for 6 months and I promised to give him a full year of seperation before I file for a divorce because I wanted to make sure but things he has done to try to win me back just don't make me feel ANYTHING... I am sorry to say that, but I can because we tried over and over again to make something work that just wasn't meant to be..
If your meant to be... it will be...
If you love something set it free.. if it comes back it was meant to be if not... well obviously it wasn't...
good luck and hope all is well and again thanks!!
2006-07-30 06:01:02 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You never mentioned what problems you and your wife were having, but you sound very distraught. Before your wife leaves for the states, I think you should talk to her. Tell her you are willing to work out your problems and would she be willing to do the same with you. Let her know that you don't mind a trial separation, but you'd like to keep your family together and not have a divorce. See if she will agree to that, so you can both work on your marriage. Sometimes being apart, can help heal pain and give you time to think about what went wrong. Even if she chooses to go back home anyway - it doesn't have to be forever, as long as you're both willing to try. If you reconcile, than you can both seek marriage counseling.
Whenever a child is involved it's always hard, but you can't make someone stay with you if they choose not too. If you still love each other, there is hope. Just like the old saying, as long as the foundation is strong....everything else can be fixed.
2006-07-30 06:16:56 · answer #2 · answered by mangosmoothie 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not sure what the problems are, but you can't resolve problems between the two of you when she's overseas.
On the other hand: some time apart might be helpfull too. Just don't leave the date you'll be seeing each other again up in the air. Talk to each other, make a list of the problems and see what you can work out when she's away. See if she's willing to work on some issues when you're apart.
2006-07-30 05:57:28 · answer #3 · answered by pete_can_do 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Write her and her parents a letter stating your intention to work hard on the issues. Then see your JAG and also a civilian lawyer about what you can do to delay her and get joint custody. Don't get hostile with her, that will only complicate things, and you'll feel guilty later.
JAG can help you a lot, but they are overloaded with work in my humble opinion (I was in the Army for nine years). You want a good civilian lawyer to help take this on so you can concentrate on your military career.
Meanwhile, keep your mind on doing well as a soldier, working toward your promotion, and most of all ENJOY LIFE. Find another lover to help you relax, work hard, play hard, and be all that you can be! Stay alert stay alive!
2006-07-30 05:58:35 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to her about it. It's not like you can force her to stay. "Fighting" to keep her there will only make her feel more pressured and want to leave more.
Maybe she can just go home for a visit for an agreed upon amount of time. Then come back to work on things.
Make sure to tell her that you see things that you need to change in yourself also, so she knows that you have intentions of working it out.
2006-07-30 05:57:34 · answer #5 · answered by woman38 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
women don't really want a G.I.joe.they want someone who will put them first.your problem is that you are in the armed forces.your career will always come before her.and you think that it is not ok for her to want something better for her and your son.prove your love by quiting the military and concentrate on making her happy.if this is not an option for you, then let her go.there are alot of guys that would like to teach your son that you can still be a good dad, and not have to be,"captain america".with the way the world is today do you blame her.never knowing when she is going to get her folded flag.
2006-07-30 06:06:24 · answer #6 · answered by spocklogical1 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First off, thank you for serving our country. My whole entire family appreciates you. It always make me sad when I hear of martial problems with people in the service since you can't drop everything to rescue your marriage. Definitely let her know you recognize the problems and tell her ways you are going to fix them. Be detailed and follow through. Start today, before she leaves. If you are going to make these changes do it and mean them. You sound like a great man and I think you will put forth the effort it takes for your marriage. I will be praying for you and your family.
2006-07-30 05:58:34 · answer #7 · answered by Raspberry 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
work on the problems that are causing you to separate. let her go to the USA, maybe she needs sometime away to think things out. keep in mind that if you end up divorcing, there are a lot of miles between Germany and the USA. there is a 2 year old that needs you in his life. think about that before you make any final decisions
2006-07-30 06:01:34 · answer #8 · answered by Ms Berry Picker 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
dont let her go. If she leaves then I doubt that you two will get back together. She will get back ti America and find someone else. My father was in the military, so I know how hard that life can be. I think that you two should try and work it out together, before she leaves. Good Luck!
2006-07-30 05:58:52 · answer #9 · answered by bumblebee 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
For starters as a fellow veteran, thanks!
Now to the answer, don't force her to stay but fight hard to keep her there, once she goes back to the states the odd's of you two getting back together are almost impossible. Tell her you want to work out your problems here and now!
Good luck!
2006-07-30 05:55:38 · answer #10 · answered by jmdavis333 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋