im 19 and my parents are getting a divorce.?

Question

im 19 and still live at home for school. my parents have decided to get a divorce and im not sure how i should feel. on hand it makes me angry because they have spent 22 years togeather and it makes no sense why they are getting divorced. im not sure who i should live with because i dont want to make either of them mad at me.

Answer 1

look, this is life ,. parents split, and one day when you are married you will get it. your 19 if you dont like the arragement then move out and get your own place

Answer 2

I was married 5 months short of it being 21 years. And for the majority of the marriage is was misery. My children were upset at first or at least our son was but now they see him for the dog he was. Now I'm not saying that your father is the same way or your mother but sometimes we as adults grow apart and it's best to let them go their own way if they both are miserable in the marriage, it's hurting you more than helpin you. You don't have to choose between them on the love you feel they can't take that away from you. And if they are better parents than a couple you can be with both of them. You're an adult now yourself so you know how to read between the lines. You make the decision on who to live with and they'll just have to deal with it, it's not like they can force you to choose one over the other. You're not the first young adult this has happened to and you won't be the last. So go on with your life and just do everything you can when you decide to get married not to make the same mistakes they did or I did when I got married the first time be better than we were. I was 18 when I got married the first time 19 when I had my first child and 21 when I had my second child. Live life first, have fun, travel and do some of the things you want to do before you settle down. Marriage is a hard job, very hard and it takes a lot more work than you think to keep it together.

Answer 3

Joshua I feel for you I really do.

Obviously I do not know why your parents are getting divorced and I would not ask or what to know as this is none of my buisness.

My parents split a couple of years ago after 27 years together and now my dad lives in Thailand so I am only going to see him once a year if that. So I know how you feel.

Depending on your situation iy will take some getting used too, but it will get easier. I'd say try and think who YOU would feel happier living with and don't let them use you agaisnt each other.

Of course you feel angry this is totally nautral. I think you may benefit from talking to a school counseller about how you feel as this will help a lot. Or a relative.

Answer 4

Hey Joshua, I think ur damn lucky that ur parents did not put u through this earlier when u were younger and they kept up a good front to u so you could have a normal life....my parents fought with each other all the time when I was in school n I used to go to bed either scared or crying....now i'm older and can ignore it and anyway now they just ignore each other too .....If they r getting divorced i'm sure there must be a reason to it and u have to talk to them to know it...also, who you will be staying with has also probably been worked out by them...just ask, or do what you think fit considering you still have to finish education and who needs you more. Anyway ure grown up now and can visit the other parent whenever u need to...all the best !

Answer 5

Well being an expert at being a kid of divorced parents for 20 years, I can tell you it sucks. I say go with whichever parent you and to go with. No matter what you are always going to hurt the others feelings but at least this way you are doing what you need to do to be happy. But what ever you do don't cut off ties with the other parent. Oh and ignore all bad comments the parent makes about the other they are just mad and want to drag you into it don't be part of that game. But most importantly you need to set up ground rules for them now on your terms. The reason I say this is you don't want to be graduating collage or getting married and have to have two separate parties because they don't get along. Just remember they got divorced you had nothing to do with is so why should you have to suffer for something you had no control over.

Answer 6

My parents got devorced when I was 18. They were together for 21 years.

1. No matter who you choose to live with, NO ONE WILL GET MAD AT YOU.

I havent talked to my mother in 6 years. I have a passing relationship with my dad. and it was because they were closed and not honest with me.

Sit with each of them apart, and have a serious talk about whats going on. the reasons, no matter how painful, the aftermath.

Make sure they know how you feel. Talk to your friends about it. Many people have a tendancy to be ashamed in your situation, including myself. DONT! This crap isnt your fault. You woke up one day and your life was forced to change. DO NOT blame yourself! EVER.

Try to make sure both of them know that they are still loved equally, and make sure that the devorce goes smoothly. Tell them that even though they have problems you are a nuetral party and love them both the same. and for their love for you, they should not cause each other pain.

Make sure you tell them to chut the hell up if they bad mouth each other when you're alone with them. If they have ill gotten feelings for eachother, that is nothing to share with you.

In the end notice that you are 19. not 9. You are an adult, and little will change in trhat sense. you'll still go to school, hang out with friends, and do what you do.

You'll just see your parents seperately.

When a huge deal comes up, make sure that you talk to both of them about it. you can go out together, just the 3 of you once a month or so.

And finally. If you feel like crying, then cry. cry your heart out. Im a guy. I was 18, a soccer player (here, thats like being a football player) and I was crying my guts out, and guess what. My macho team mates were there for me. Your friuends will be there for you. just let them be!

Good luck, I really mean that. Take it one day at a time, and whatever happens, dont ever stray off in thought for too long, and above all, never regret a second in your life before this. never.

Answer 7

Well sorry to hear of you problem, its become to easy for divorce to happen, I would stay netrual, this is about them and probably they have waited until you were this age to get it happening, unfortunatly one or the other might not want you either, so stay netrual, let them figure it out. Try not to get in between and take sides. You are also able to be on your own to but I understand its easier being at home while in school. As far as your feeling go, you have the right to them. I can only imagine how hard it is, my folks were married 55 years when my Dad died ! Well I will shut my mouth now ! Feel free to email me ! [e-mail]

Answer 8

when two people have been together as long as your parents have they need to be alone from each other. need their own space . time to know who they really are and what they want to do with the rest of their lives. At times married couples do get back together and stay together because of love. the ones who do not
have grown apart not together. You should think your self lucky in a way that they are doing this now while you are older and pretty much grown . people get in a rut and don't know how to get out of it. be there for both and give them love and respect just for
being there for you as long as they have.If it doesn't work out it is for the best.

Answer 9

The divorce is not your fault and you dont have to choose. Neither of them loves you less because of it. They will both be happier, maybe not immediately but it will get better. You dont have to feel different because of the divorce, you'll be welcome in 2 places now. It will be difficult but you are old enough to understand that sometimes it is better for a divorce than just existing and getting angrier all the time.
I wish you and your parents well, and hope it works out.

Answer 10

sweetie....your parents are having major issues, and like most parents they will not disclose to you why they have made that choice. there are many reasons why people get divorced (money, cheating, "lost that loving feeling", sex issues, etc.) most parents feel never to tell their children why, but if they do it wont be until you get married and understand that concept. for now they probably think you dont understand it. well 22 years is alot longer than most marriages nowa days. you shouldnt be angry because happiness plays a large role in marriage, if you arent happy then why spend 22 more years being unhappy and miserable?

Answer 11

I am sorry and I am sure it is very painful for you. I would request that they pay for you to live at a college dorm or get an apartment. You are at the age where you should be experiencing life on your own (college years are the best years of ones life believe me). Obviously they are not in love any more and wish to go on with their lives separately. Many married people stay married for the sake of the children. Come on Josh you are a man now. Accept this turn of fate, be the civil one and go on with your own life. Perhaps now is the time for you to seek your own love and separate life until Mom and Dad find their own ways in life.