My husband and I have been married for 2 years, we have been together for 4 years. We have a 2 year old daughter and he is a wonderful father. My husband and I have not been intimate in over 2 years. He says it is because I gained so much weight (30lbs) during my pregnancy, I am 5ft 6in (I was135lbs before) and he isn't attracted to me anymore. Needless to say this has put a major strain on our relationship. We go through the usual fights and make-ups like any marriage but I recently found out that his father cheated on, and divorced his mother because she gained weight during her pregnancy with both my husband and his twin brother. I have asked him if he still loves me and he assures me that he does, he spends time with me and is always very sweet, the only thing that is missing is our intimate relationship. I have recently lost over 20lbs but still that is not enough. Should I shut my mouth and live in a sex-less marriage? Or, should I give him an ultimatum....Intimacy or get out?
2006-07-30 05:05:24 · 24 answers · asked by lopezjri 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
he should always love you no matter what. My wife is big and I love her to death and I always have sex with my wife and no matter what. She had 2 children and she gain more weigth so what didn't make me stop loving her and I made love to her ever since we been married. I love her the in and outside.
I can't believe that he would say that to you becasue of that. If you were my wife and You will be so suprised how much I can do with you no matter how much you weight. and You will know wow my husband does loves me no matter what he sure gives me all the love.
He didn't telling you gain weight turn me off and not have sex with you for 2 years and you just lost 30 lbs. good for you becaue you did what you try to do with your husband.. Hell with him find other guy who like me does love you no matter waht and do all the loving sex feeling and sharing and support you and didn't stop him for loving you more.
I believe you will find someone. If you stay you will never will be happy and you will wished that you got divorce and find other guy that make you happy. And you found out what his real father did to his own mother. and Now he being like his dad. And he can make better choice but he blaming on his dad so he picked that one. He can do better than that.
I know you are beautiful and smart, funny, outgoing all that stuff and I know you can find better man than this.
2006-07-30 05:55:35 · answer #1 · answered by greenbaypackers1920 6 · 19⤊ 6⤋
First and foremost YOUR desires are just as important as his. IF he is not having sex with you, is he having sex with someone else or satisfying himself? He should love you as you are if he loves you as he claims. I find this to be dreadfully disturbing and ruthless as well as troubling he admit why, and went as far as sharing with you his fathers chauvinistic behavior which leads me to believe there is more to the story on someone’s end and this should not be a case of son like father because neither are men in my eyes if they are this ridiculous when it comes to vanity. Of course every man wants a Barbie wide until she opens her can of issues, and then what he thought she was and are is two different dramas that he thought, if that is any added value.
The old proverb, "stay with him because of the kids" is selfish and a waste of time as this relationship is heading nowhere and I am afraid this is not very compromising unless you two seek marital counseling.
A relationship should be based on many factors including sexual relations but there has to be emotions involved in the commencing of this special union of a husband and wife. Your husband is admitting why he will not have sex with you and basically presenting proud intentions in that statement with his experiences. I have to question if he truly does love you because he is hurting you in more than one way as well as putting unhealthy strain on the marriage and eventually your child who will be in the middle. A man who loves his wife or a woman who loves her husband loves unconditionally, therefore I am lead to believe his statement of “love” is either untrue or he hasn’t a clue to a true meaning of love because of the insensitive motions his father taught him by treating his mother the same. He should want better for his family and life, but instead he falls in the steps of a “white trash Husband” and that is not something I would be proud of or brag about. I have and I would as being a psychology major and been through this same BS once before chuck this whole situation as a bad experience and do the best you can so your daughter is not too affected by the outcome.
Best of luck.
2006-07-30 05:43:52 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
"Maybahay must honestly method: "Siya ang might ari ng bahay!" That is why she has to scrub the condominium and be the father or mother of the condominium whilst the husband is away. Formerly, housewife remains at dwelling and get ready the whole lot wanted by means of the household, whilst the husband needed to be out and earn the dwelling wanted by means of the household. The husband appears for the "uncooked parts" and the spouse prepares them to be "suitable for eating". Those had been the times - and that was once an excessively beautiful and significant preparations. But instances has modified. House simply turns into a "snoozing condominium ' wherein each participants of the household are so busy "external". Personally, I relatively overlooked the ones days!
2016-08-28 15:37:47 · answer #3 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It seems you love him beyond its definition and would never wish to see your marriage ruined by divorce.....don't do that. Instead concentrate your determination to loose the weight and gain his confidence in you............don't pay any attention to his family matters because nobody would come forward to take your problems as their own affair........You have have a lovely daughter of 2 years and you do have a reason to be in the family. From the way of your sentences, it clearly indicated that you are so much emotional...which is a good thing...but dont let your emotion mingles with your determination. I think your husband is a sensible fellow and hope your marriage will be saved.
2006-07-30 05:23:34 · answer #4 · answered by indraraj22 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You both need to seek counseling to save your marriage. You have four years invested in this marriage and a daughter. It would be impossible for anyone to tell you what the issue is, without talking to the both of you. There are all kinds of assistance or counseling available for all different economic levels, get out the phone book and start calling.
2006-07-30 05:24:21 · answer #5 · answered by rascal 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't think you should give him an ultimatum, but try to get him interested again. I don't believe that that weight is the problem. Do you still feel attractive, try to incorporate that into your attitude. Know that you are a desirable woman and act like it. Get sexy nighties or think back to what turned him on when you just met....
You are not his mother and should not be associated with her, remind him of that.
You obviously still love him, so keep on trying...
2006-07-30 05:17:50 · answer #6 · answered by stoutseun69 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't give him an ultimatum of intimacy or get out, I would however tell him counseling is in order because he feels its ok to shun you because you have birthed his child and don't look like you used to.
That is a very juvenile excuse on his part to act out something he learned in his childhood home.
He needs help and you need help to learn not to let your self esteem be dependant on his attitudes.
Best wishes to you, if he won't get help or counseling you still should so one of you will mature and know how to best handle this situation.
2006-07-30 05:13:53 · answer #7 · answered by yeller 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is your husband. He should love you regardless of how much you weigh. If weight so soooo important to him now, what's going to happen in 10 years when you both start to age? Will he have problems with that too? You just might have to cut your loses and get out. Good Luck.
2006-07-30 05:10:18 · answer #8 · answered by Berdie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is so......sad. I think he's using the weight thing as an excuse. Most women gain weight after having children - it's really hard to get it all off. Most men I've talked to don't even care. I would say either get counseling - and quick - or, geez, I don't know. I hate to say dump him - he's your husband and the father of your children. Get counseling - if he won't go with you go yourself. Good luck!
2006-07-30 05:11:23 · answer #9 · answered by They call me ... Trixie. 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The man is making excuses for his own shortcomings. You both need to be in therapy (if you love him). You will never be good enough for him no matter what you do. He's being selfish. He's withholding his affection to control you and it's working. Get some serious marriage counseling or call your lawyer.
2006-07-30 05:08:29 · answer #10 · answered by Sassy OLD Broad 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
first men are pigs and self centered they don't care about anything except them self's. your husband has a major problem he should respect you. for who you are. my god you has a child. its good you lost some weight. talk to him again. let him know how you feel. if he don't want to have sex with you tell him to kiss your a**. and go and get a toy. and use it in front of him. if that don't work them tell you are not going to live like this. and move on. you can find someone else who will love you better.
2006-07-30 05:16:19 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋