Why does it feel like I'm being punished for being responsible?

Question

My husband and I pay our bills. We have our own rental home. We buy our own groceries. We watch our own kids. We don't drink, we don't smoke, we don't do drugs.

My sister-in-law doesn't have a job, doesn't watch her own kid, she's addicted to pain killers & alcohol, she smokes like a chimny (3 packs a Day!!), she sleeps around, she's had 3 abortions because she can't be bothered with birth control. She is 26 and lives at home with Mommy.

So why is it that she is able to go out and party every night? Why do her parents hand her money to get drugs? Why is it my husbands whole family is willing to babysit her kid EVERYDAY while she either parties, or sleeps until 4pm?

My aunt lost her job 4 years ago. My grandpa bought her house for her so she wouldn't lose it. He pays her bills. He bought her a car when hers died.

Yet, no one in either of our families will even watch our kids for 2 hours once a MONTH so we cna get out of the house. When did being responsible become bad?

It doesn't bother me that they are willing to watch my neice, Aubree. It bugs me that while they are so willing to watch her at the drop of a hat, it takes major teeth pulling action to get them to watch our children at all, or even come & see them. For the most part, me and my husband don't go out. We can't afford to. When we can, however, we like to see movies. It's usually only 2 or 3 times a year that we actually are able to leave the house without the children in tow.
I love my kids, and don't mind taking them places, but when it's a matter of 2 or 3 times a year that we are able to get out alone, it just starts to feel like his family is punishing us for doing the right things all the time.
I'm just so frustrated! Nick's mom was going to watch the kids Friday night. Then she said, "Tomorrow". Then last night she said, "Tomorrow" after telling us to see what time the movie was at. So we call first thing this morning, and it's "Later, not now!" Which will turn into, "Next Week"

Answer 1

Oh honey I feel your pain and I have asked myself the same question a million times! My hubby and I are in the same exact situation. I wish I knew what to tell you to make it better, but I'm still searching for that answer myself. All I can say is take comfort in the fact that when your own children are grown, they'll have no doubts that they were wanted, loved, and cared for by 2 wonderful parents who believed that they were worth it. They will know what hard work and responsibility are. They will have the dignity to do for themselves and not take advantage of the love of their family by using them for all they can. How will they know all of this? Because they've had 2 wonderful parents to set the example.............

So I say "BRAVO!" to you for being there for your children and raising them right. Parenthood is hard, but especially motherhood. It takes more strength of heart and character to raise your own children than to pawn them off on whomever is willing. Good luck!

Answer 2

First off I say breath. Now once you have done that, think about both your aunt and sister. What do they have in common that you don't have with them? Lets see I don't know, how about the all too obvious that you can prove you can stand on your own two feet without crawlling back to your fam. I know it may not seem right that neither family will babysit your kids. But look at it this way, would you really want your babies around your sister when she is drinking or something over at your mom's house? Who knows what could happen. I say just find a really good daycare for your kids if you ever need it. Because its quite obvious your family and your husband families love the ideal of coming to someone's rescue. Keeps them busy and entertained. You must have your head screwed on too tightly for them to be able to not feel like superheros to come in and save the day. I say overall keep on being responsible, because at least its not you running yourself thin for your sister or your aunt.

Answer 3

You know what? You CANNOT control what others do and why they do it. WHY are you sitting around watching what everyone else is doing? WHY are you comparing your life to theirs? WHY is it so important that you get the same treatment? Look, if you are a mature person and you do so much for yourself, hire a babysitter for your kids and go about your business. You don't need anyone else to babysit your kids just because they do it for the bumbs in your families. Stop being so jealous of these losers and take care of your family on your own as you have been doing. Responsibility is a wonderful thing. But jealousy is a green eyed monster.

Answer 4

Hey , you and your husband are some of the few who are responsible. caring people. Those who are not will in time have a rough way to go. I know it seems UN fair but you are the special ones . The world needs more like you and your husband.
some times families feel that the ones who can take care of them selves are the ones they are jealous of.. sounds crazy but life is crazy . at least you can go to bed at night knowing you and your husband have each other and have love and respect for each other and your children The other part of the family have nothing but stress and I bet are not well liked by other people.Always remember. Those who have nothing and are dependent towards others will always be losers and will always have no respect .you and your husband will always be loved and respected by those who matter.

Answer 5

First of all, I would not want my children in the kind of place you just described. Put an add in the paper and check references of a sitter. You should be able to find a nice one who will come into your home and watch your children where they know they are safe.

As for her, when she overdoses or just doesn't wake up one day like a ex-friend of mine, her parents will understand and feel guilty the rest of their lives for enabling her lifestyle instead of helping her.

Also, I would take her kids and spend time with them, at least they would have relief from that situation, and a friend who cares. It's not their fault the way that she is. Involve him or her (the child) in your lives, just so they know what normal can be like. You don't know the good it will do for him or her.

Answer 6

Yeahhh. i'm a freshman too, and that i a approach or the different finally end up with a great variety of issues to do. yet i do no longer strategies it that plenty. My mom oftentimes does not strategies giving rides, with the aid of fact maximum of my acquaintances are on my way residing house. the only element that annoys me is typically my acquaintances could nicely be rude. Like strolling in front of folk on the mall and in basic terms lil stuff like that. i exchange into stated a lil in yet differently, so i be responsive to there'll be adjustments. And from now on, tell them you're out of money. purely deliver some funds for a nutrition/drink, and then in basic terms get nutrition or a drink. That way, you are able to definitely say you haven't any longer any funds. :)

Answer 7

It feels that way because you are responsible. Besides, do you want any of these dirt bags watching your kids? In the long run, your kids are going to be better off because YOU were there for them, not running around doing who knows what while they were with who knows who.

When you and your husband need a break, make a trade with some trusted friends who have kids the same age as yours with whom you can return the favor, who have like-minded ideals, not these slugs.

Remember this...it's better to have good friends than bad family. Trust me, I've been there.

Answer 8

First of all......you are related to a total group of loosers and that is being nice. Second, it is none of your business how other people choose to live their lives so.....Butt Out! It is also none of your business on how or who they give their money to......so stop being their judge and jury!!! Third, why in the world would you even consider having any of those awful people babysit??? Have you ever heard of responsible babysitters where you pay them? Or, trade babysitting with a friend where it won't cost either of you anything by babysitting with each others' kids. Fourth, why do you seem to question that being responsible is 'bad'??? If I were you and your husband, I would just concentrate on taking care of your own lives and don't worry about what every one is doing.......Stop being Mr. & Mrs. Buttinski!!! (Hey, you asked!)

Answer 9

you know , your sister in law punishment is that even she receives all the attention she can not see it so she doesn't appreciate and goes on with her wrong ways.....all the people that is helping her wont last and she won't be ready for real life......and for you....get a baby sitter, they are very helpful, you can choose an hourly baby sitter, part time or a all day baby sitter, it depends in what you want to do.

Answer 10

i feel you, they think you dont need their help because you are doing well, they have got problems with the rest of the family. you should stop helping with the babysitting of the sister in laws kids.