My wife and I have been together for 12 years and I have to admit I was very negligent in taking care of her needs for a few years. I was selfish and preoccupied with my own issues. She sought out someone else to take care of her sexual needs. I found out about it and initially got angry and she was remorseful but it spurned us on to counseling and I realized it did not need to destroy our relationship. In fact, with time, she told me more about what happened and her desires (that she could not communicate to me before due to my ignoring her)..and it adds to our sex life. We even use it to excite each other now and then. Weird? I don't think so. She needed a little more "aggresiveness" in the bedroom. A couple of long silk scarves, a bed with posts and some acting skills can do wonders!
2006-07-30 04:45:13 · 13 answers · asked by cm 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
The "trust" was broken by both of us - by shutting her out I let her down..by not speaking up and finding another man to fullfill her strong sexual needs she let me down...by not freaking out and realizing my own failings and deciding on counseling (not in that order) we were able to see other dimensions of each other that, luckily, appealed to each of us. This, I think, is what is referred to as "work" in a relationship..
I even thank the other guy for waking me up!
2006-07-30 05:14:13 · update #1
You're lucky that you were able to put the pieces back together. Congratulations.
2006-07-30 04:48:24 · answer #1 · answered by Otis F 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
A marriage can survive an affair, but can partners survive a marriage knowing one cheated? It takes a strong couple to forgive and forget and move on even with the help of counseling. The idea that one mistrusted the others trust in him will always remain in their head and will always wonder could this happen again? One them must walk on eggshells to try and prevent that from happening again. One wrong number can trigger what was thought to be long gone memories and trouble starts. God willing you two are of such a strong nature that you overcame this and it has actually made your marriage stronger. You are a rare breed in todays society and keep up the good work.
2006-07-30 11:55:26 · answer #2 · answered by Arthur W 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I commend you for taking responsibility for your part in the problems with your marriage. It does take two to make or break a relationship. It's so easy to just chuck the marriage when problems arise, but it takes love and committment to save it and work out the problems that got you to this point to begin with. In working on it and with counselling you are doing everything in your part to make sure it doesn't happen again. You've had a renewal...you almost lost what is most precious to you and you are both adult enough and love each other enough to fix that which was broken. Best of luck to you both...if your marriage can survive this, you can survive anything!
2006-07-30 12:20:06 · answer #3 · answered by auntcookie84 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am very happy for you. This sounds almost textbook about my marriage. Unfortunately its going to take time for my wife to get over how much I did neglect her, I was very hard on her about the affairs she had and I tried several times to forgive her only to see her do it again. Now that she has finally communicated why all this happened, I have honestly forgiven her and she is making an effort to improve our marriage. I want more out of it but she is not being too quick to jump back into it with me, she said that I need to get myself together, and wants to see me make improvements that last more than a few weeks , like treating her with respect, protecting her and being there for her. This is our last chance and I don't want to ruin it . I will put my best efforts into this , but I expect her to do the same. Its sad how small things do add up and wind up snowballing into destruction. Good luck
2006-07-30 12:15:10 · answer #4 · answered by paulsexpress 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, yeah your marriage will survive because you found out about affair and you both already in counseling and you heard your wife said that you ingnoring her when she try to commucate. But now it better than before.
It will, you sir already open your ears and listening to her and she now felt much better commucate with you. I am sorry that you had to find hard way to find out she had sex with someone else. but now you know it will not happen and she very very sorry about this.
So you both done a well job and Glad to see you guys making this work out. keep it up. You have my blessing.
2006-07-30 12:00:48 · answer #5 · answered by greenbaypackers1920 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do i think that a marriage can survive an affair? No, personally i don't think so, however you seem to be taking things very well and even enjoying it, so it sounds like the two of you have hope...it is what you make of it. this isn't any marriage, it is your marriage. It can survive if you both want it to. Also, don't ignore her anymore.
2006-07-30 12:02:32 · answer #6 · answered by angel 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The trust was broken. She made love with another man. If neither of you are dynamic enough to recognise what that means, then by all means stumble along until the next time.
2006-07-30 12:36:48 · answer #7 · answered by Kitty 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As long as you both are moving foreward I think you will be just fine. Be careful to not get into the trap of "where were you", "you cheated once" etc. If you are both careful and love each other you will learn and grow.
2006-07-30 11:48:50 · answer #8 · answered by JULIE J 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
good for you both to value each other and your marriage over your shortcomings, mistakes and to have the love and strength to forgive each other! Best to you both in the future and your marriage!
2006-07-30 17:05:33 · answer #9 · answered by KitKat 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Come on. U r the one who needs to take care of her needs , it may be her luxuries or sex
2006-07-30 12:04:03 · answer #10 · answered by shaneprinceforu 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋