Your head is confused,
your heart is bruised.
Feeling wreckless,
your hopes are betless.
There's only one person you can find.
You know they'll soothe your mind.
You can tell them what you're feeling,
they'll give you healing.
Say they love you.
Tell you it's true.
Baby, it's amazing how those words
can be my heart's own cure.
They wash away the pain,
your love's support I gain.
It's simple, it's true.
It's me, it's you.
2006-07-30 04:12:10 · 25 answers · asked by Anonymous in Education & Reference ➔ Words & Wordplay
Your head is confused,
your heart is bruised.
Feeling wreckless,
your hopes are betless.
There's only one person you can find.
You know they'll soothe your mind.
You can tell them what you're feeling,
they'll give you healing.
Say they love you.
Tell you it's true.
Baby, it's amazing how those words
can be my heart's own cure.
They wash away the pain,
your love's support I gain.
It's simple, it's true.
It's me, it's you.
(i'm 13 if that has anything to do with the rating)
2006-07-30 04:21:59 · update #1
7. It doesn't quite flow correctly as a poem, but I bet it would make an awesome song. It's definitely full of emotion.
2006-07-30 04:17:15 · answer #1 · answered by lotsayorks 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
4
2006-07-30 11:16:09 · answer #2 · answered by beknownas 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
7
2006-07-30 11:17:13 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
8
2006-07-30 11:15:31 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If I compare your age with your work then I must say you are Einstein of Poetry. At least you have a nice sense.
Have you ever seen a Baby? Baby tries to stand up but fell down many times, but baby keep trying and one day baby walk.
We all are same like baby we must not give up. Nice work I give you 100 points if I could but 10 is limit here.
Keep doing this work.
If you got to my http://360.yahoo.com/nihon94
page here you can find poetry from a girl of 16 years.
2006-07-30 11:34:18 · answer #5 · answered by Ari 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
4 out of 10
I think the structure is good, but rhyming couplets seem a little clumsy. I would rather read a version of this poem that doesn't rhyme, but hits me in the emotions, or maybe a more complex rhyming scheme.
Something like:
Your head is confused,
Your heart is aching,
Feeling shaken,
Your hopes are abused....
2006-07-30 11:24:22 · answer #6 · answered by kittybriton 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
2-3. Try writing in some other style besides rhyming couplets. Also, if you're going to write in rhyming couplets, try matching the meter in matching verses. Also, it's trite to reverse noun-verb order just to get words to match / rhyme.
Here's a challenge -- and I'm serious: try re-writing this as a rap. Believe it or not, rap has some pretty rough meter and internal rhyme requirements in order to sound good.
Good luck.
2006-07-30 11:17:39 · answer #7 · answered by Don M 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'll rate your poem at a 7. I write poetry too. But I have to be inspired to do so. I just can't come up with poems automatically. How long have you been writing poems? Keep it up your doing a fine job!!
2006-07-30 11:19:20 · answer #8 · answered by Lyndee 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
3
read some poetry from the "Best American Poetry" series and try to get a handle on the difference between their poetry and yours... You will benefit greatly by exposure to the work of other poets.... poetry is a communal art form...
2006-07-30 11:19:04 · answer #9 · answered by Klaatu Barada Nikto 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I give you 7. Practice practice practice keep it up. I love poetry and have won contests. Someday, I will publish a book as well. GL to you!
2006-07-30 11:28:01 · answer #10 · answered by shire_maid 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋