I've been dating someone for about a month who is currently in therapy because of prior sexual abuse. I understand that he needs space, but how do I comfort him without losing him?
2006-07-30 04:04:13 · 11 answers · asked by woodland_james 1 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
Listen to him. Give him reassuring, non-sexual contact. Hugs, holding hands, ets, with no pressure for more.
2006-07-30 04:08:21 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You might ask if you can either attend one of this therapy sessions, or speak to his therapist... very often, involving a partner in the therapy can be beneficial... at the very least, it will show him that you care enough to get involved.
Other than that.. patience.
You don't specify whether he is comfortable with, say, a hug, a comforting touch, etc. Or perhaps just calmly talking. Try to determine his limits of comfort, and remain within those, while letting him know that you are dong so to be supportive, and that you stand ready to offer whatever he needs.
Recognise, too, that at some point in the future he may decide to take the leap and try for greater intimacy... and that it may well be a disaster! He may be overcome with negative emotions at any time... in which case, fall back on his comfort feelings again, don't make a huge issue of it...
You have a tough road ahead, and I give you kudos for wanting to try.
2006-07-30 04:15:59 · answer #2 · answered by IanP 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let him know that you are there for him and respect the space that he needs. When it comes to intimacy, keep it non-sexual, just loving until he feels ready and then take it slowly, always at his pace.
Maybe later on, if things start to get really serious between you then you could always offer to attend a therapy session with him although don't be hurt or offended if he declines.
I wish you the best of luck.
2006-07-30 04:11:30 · answer #3 · answered by Angie H 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I noticed your avatar and name represents you as a male, so with that, I'm left to assume that your relationship is with another male who was sexually abused. In that case, there are many things to consider. He might have enjoyed his abuse and is only in therapy because someone else thought it was the thing to do because they were not prepared to accept his homosexuality. If you two have chosen each other as partners, then let the situation follow it's coarse. One of you is the dominate force, so let the games begin.
2006-07-30 04:18:51 · answer #4 · answered by en5o8ch 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
oh come on Im male and was sexually abused you just treat them like you would anyone else . We are as normal as the other fellow . I think people just want to think that we are screwed up so they can have someone to feel sorry for . I for one don't need it .After growing up it was enough to see what normal people do and move on in the mainstream of life!
2006-07-30 04:15:41 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Explain to him that you really like him and that you are so sorry that someone you care about has to go through something like this.
just be there for him. Let him know that you are going to be there. If he does not want tobe intimate right away, do not rush it. He got a lot of things going through his head. Once he realizes that you do care for him and want to make sure that he is going to be healthy and fine, then he will come to you. Other then that, rushing into things may have him be reminded of his last relationship.
2006-07-30 04:10:01 · answer #6 · answered by uchaboo 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well if by you being there for him means you are going to lose him, then it means that he is the one not ready for an intimate relationship with someone at the moment. Blame should not fall upon you if your best intentions are being supportive of him. He has to want happiness and a relationship as well.
2006-07-30 04:12:15 · answer #7 · answered by devilboyxx69 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you are male and male? was his abuser male also? maybe a female could get him to not be in this stigma. you said him and your Id is male. But really you should back off till he wants to be intimate. He may never want a male partner again if one abused him.
2006-07-30 04:32:26 · answer #8 · answered by g-day mate 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you really love her ne patient. If you don't want to be bothered then get out now.
Don't hurt her anymore after what she has been through.
2006-07-30 04:08:01 · answer #9 · answered by day by day 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
run you will never have a normal life with them they never come around are are extremely insecure and will be with anyone when they feel neglected
2006-07-30 04:07:58 · answer #10 · answered by playtoofast 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋