I've been dating someone for about a month who is currently in therapy because of prior sexual abuse. I understand that he needs space, but how do I comfort him without losing him?
2006-07-30 04:03:30 · 9 answers · asked by woodland_james 1 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
Maybe you should go to therapy as well to learn how to cope with him. Ask him to ask the therapist if you can be involved. Each case is unique. It is wonderful that he is seeking counseling. Be patient and be there for him. That is all you can do. If you in the relationship mainly for intimacy, then you should move on. This person has been hurt enough to last a lifetime.
2006-08-02 16:31:03 · answer #1 · answered by pretty_brown_eyes 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have only been dating for a month. Don't initiate sex let him do it when he's ready. I don't think there is any way to comfort a man in his position. Ask him if you can attend one therapy session with him to talk with his therapist about how you can help. That would show him how much you care for him and also help you to learn what to do. Good Luck.
2006-07-30 04:08:46 · answer #2 · answered by ctryhnny04 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You cannot fix another person. Make this your mantra. Say it to yourself over and over. "I can't fix other people." and repeat. You can let him talk and you can listen, you can give support, you can- unless it's really scary- encourage him to explore all his relationship and sexual feelings with you, but A) you cannot fix another person and B) you have to get something out of your relationships, too. If you enter into a relationship by seeing the other person as inferior to you, there will never be any equality in that relationship. You cannot fix another person. Why are you attracted to someone who is affected by past abuse? Are you feeling superior to this person? Does any real love come out of that kind of situation? I sound kind of mean and harsh, don't I? But in reality, both partners have to get something out of a relationship or lots of troubles start: feelings of being "owed", "I'm a grown-up and you aren't", and so on. Remember- even if you are a professional therapist, you cannot fix another person. We all do our own work on ourselves.
2006-07-30 04:20:41 · answer #3 · answered by anyone 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i will wager that maximum of those adult males weren't in any respect abused by any women of their lives, and their mom does not count form. My mom could beat the crap out of me the two together with her bare palms or with a belt till i could no longer breathe out of discomfort, so did my sister each and every time she had a in good shape of rage (misunderstood teenager). i became continuously the only getting crushed at an identical time as definitely everyone released their anger on me for issues that had no longer something to do with me. i became additionally beat up by a female cousin of mine, additionally truly badly, till blood could shed. My father on no account layed a finger on me, yet he became on no account there besides. I did get my butt beat by boys in a while, however, yet on no account as an person. Do I ***** approximately it? Nope. Do I hate my mothers and dads? Nope. I difficulty greater for different women who've it plenty plenty worse than me. i've got considered different women get crushed by adult males. i've got hardly considered a female beat a guy, till she became protecting herself from him interior the 1st place. those adult males' time table on right that's just to demonize and vilify women, that's all. they have heard of a few circumstances of ladies beating their guy and picture that's a majority. and that they boast approximately women having no good judgment, non quit...
2016-10-01 06:28:27 · answer #4 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Time... it takes time. Be caring, understanding, and in time (maybe with group (just you two and a counselor) therapy, if he will allow it), he may open up to you. Truly a tough situation... I have been in that situation, and was able to get her to talk about it, and eventually overcome it.
2006-07-30 04:08:59 · answer #5 · answered by Mark MacIver 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just be patient. Let him know if he ever wants to talk you are there but not to take your not asking all the time as not caring. Tell him you just dont want to be bugging him about it all the time. Let him know you care for him and only want what is best for him.
2006-07-30 04:07:50 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just be there! Hold his hand. Don't push it. He'll either come around or not, but it has to be his choice. You just have to be there when he's ready. He's feeling life in general is difficult to face, so don't push him where he's not ready to go.
Good luck.
2006-07-30 04:13:42 · answer #7 · answered by Mindi 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be there at 3 in the morning when he wakes up with nightmares. (Tell him he can call anytime, that is)
2006-07-30 04:07:57 · answer #8 · answered by nursesr4evr 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stand by that's all.
2006-07-30 04:07:27 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋