I've been with my boyfriend for over a year now. But I've known him for much much longer. I love and care for him like I never thought I could. And I know he feels the same towards me. But sometimes, I wonder. Days like Valentine's Day or my Birthday or our Anniversary, which he knows are profoundly special to me (knows without a doubt), he won't even attempt to do anything that would make me happy. It's like he doesn't even try to think about what I would like. What would bring a smile to my face. I'm not asking for a huge gesture. Just something to show he was thinking about me. We are planning on getting engaged soon. He knows what a big thing that is for me too. I've dreamt about this. I've always wanted to be surprised. A sweet romantic walk in the park where he would ask me to marry him. He's killing that dream for me. According to him, romance kills a relationship, it makes it fake. What do I do? Am I wrong? Help me please. I love him and want to understand.
2006-07-30 02:32:13 · 20 answers · asked by Brookie 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
I'm sorry if you thought that was being materialistic. I can see how it sounds like that. No, I don't want any tangible object from him. I've never asked him to buy anything for me. I can get it myself if I want something. I'm just talking about him wanting to spend time with me on those days. Or if he couldn't be with me, then at least calling me. I know he's not romantic. I try to respect that in him most of the time. I am romantic by nature, and I do little things for him that I think he would like (light candles, play soft music, a bubblebath.. simple things) But shouldn't he respect that I am? Maybe do things like that for me? I do love him. Regardless of how it sounds to you, I know deep down that I love him. But this was just a question I had before giving my dream of romance up completely. I wanted to know if I am wrong to want these things.
2006-07-30 02:57:12 · update #1
Let me say this...
...a woman's expectation in life is her greatest enemy. Life, many times, is not going to work out like those fantasies you conjure up. Believe me when I say this. Learn to accept it or do not continue with him. He will fail you every time.
He does not see the situations the same as you do. I wouldn't go so far as to say he doesn't care or he is not trying to make you happy. Happy is relative. Not everyone is romantic and creative.
Again, learn to appreciate or you have to get out. It will not get any better. Now answer my question for you. Do you think breaking up with him is justified by your fairy tale desires? I mean could you live with going back out into this nutty world looking for another boyfriend among several that is a hopeless romantic like you? If you say yes, definitely let it go now.
2006-07-30 02:38:30 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
I have no idea. My husband use to be like that. For years I felt lucky if he even remembered my birthday and forget a gift or anything romantic. I guess some guys are romantics and some are not. Best thing I can advise you to do is talk to him. Let him know what you expect as far as romance is concerned or deal with the lack of it.
PS.. since my marriage is 21 years and still hanging in there.. I do get some romantic gestures from time to time. Maybe it comes with age and maybe its how they were brought up. However if you have yourself a great man that you love and he loves you. .. just be happy about that. The rest will come.
2006-07-30 02:40:53 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This Site Might Help You.
RE:
Why doesn't my boyfriend try to make me happy?
I've been with my boyfriend for over a year now. But I've known him for much much longer. I love and care for him like I never thought I could. And I know he feels the same towards me. But sometimes, I wonder. Days like Valentine's Day or my Birthday or our Anniversary, which he...
2015-08-23 08:33:32 · answer #3 · answered by Micheline 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've been married ten years. My husband still isn't any more creative on those special days. I'm one who tries to do special little things; he still doesn't seem to try that hard. It's never been a part of him. It does hurt feelings sometimes, but he's just never been good at it. I try not to hold it against him, but of course there are times I want someone to put in a little effort to make me happy too. Don't expect him to change too much! Just telling you from experience. Should that give you cause to not accept a wedding proposal? That's up to you. I am rewarded with someone who has a great personality, we are playful, we have a wonderful family, so not getting little gifts or surprises doesn't amount to much in the long run.
2006-07-30 02:38:05 · answer #4 · answered by viclyn 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is probably not what you want to hear, but I am going to write what I think you need to hear. Compatibility and long term sucess in a relationship require more than love. Further getting the idea of "changing" a person never works unless that person wants to change. I think that before you accept a marriage proposal you need to consider how you might feel about this matter in 10, 20 or even 40 years from now. My bet is that you would have regrets. Consider what I am saying. As hard as it is to think about going your separate ways...in the very long run it might be best. Good luck.
2006-07-30 02:39:28 · answer #5 · answered by c_schumacker 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Romance kills a relationship? Wow, never heard that one before. I always thought romance spiced the relationship.
Take a huge step back and put your heart in a box for a moment. Now, read your post again. What would you say to someone whose question is "Why doesn't my boyfriend try to make me happy?" then adds "We are planning on getting engaged soon." Doesn't really make sense does it?
He doesn't even try to make you happy. Not on birthdays. Not on Valentines Day. Not on Anniversaries. He thinks romance kills a relationship. It sounds like you've fallen for a lazy, self-interested, pompous bore. What do you love about him?
2006-07-30 02:41:18 · answer #6 · answered by JB 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋
from what you say, i'm assuming that you having doubts whether he loves you as much as you do. Hmmm.... well i think he does like you coz he seems to call you everyday. Thats a good sign. And you wanna keep him to yourself for a much longer time then ...........open up yourself. Talk about things that enlightened you that day you or anything that you found weird or even maybe something girly. It depends on your boyfriend how he interprets it. But then you can show a little of stubbornness and attitude. "NO, you HAAAAVE to listen". Sometimes some guys find that cute. Seriously, telling you from a guy's point of view. Me did like it a LOT in my girl. And if you really wanna spice up things to a level that you want him to CLING on to you without having to meet, well.... okay, a small suggestion but may seem to think it to be dirty..... depends upon the way you interpret it.....You can talk about underpants and underdies.... lol. Its not meant to be taken seriously but to be meant funny. Something like... "ooo, me wearing my favorite one today... lol". Or, "naah, i think a black will look good on you". Lol, trust me it works. Probably thats one subject that got me closer to my girl. And it was she who actually brought that up. AGAIN IT DEPENDS ON THE WAY YOUR BOYFRIEND INTERPRETS IT AND ALSO YOU. Its meant to be a funny subject. Works well through sms... won't sound slutty enough. All the best
2016-03-16 21:16:28 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are with the wrong person. His statement that romance kills a relationship should be a red flag for you.
All your feelings and thoughts are correct. Don't let anyone take them away. You are not married to him and if I was you I wouldn't marry him.
You desire to have your dreams come true. Do not settle for less. If you breakup it will hurt for a while but dam it will hurt alot more if stay with the idea he will change.
He wont.....
2006-07-30 02:41:09 · answer #8 · answered by Mit 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Probably your boyfriend doesn't want to think. He loves you, he can do anything for you but he's afraid to think to much because he doesn't want to break up your relationship.
I've got the same problem with my girlfriend.
I'm with her since 2 year and I'm a little bit afraid to do so many romantic thing with her because our relationship become to be too serious...
I don't want to see her family in her country because if I do this, she will think more about the wedding.
I love her, everytime I think about her but I'm to young to be married (22 years old) and I'm afraid that my relationship becom to much serious.
Don't worry, I think that your boyfriend will change when he will grow up.
2006-07-30 02:42:40 · answer #9 · answered by John 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When it comes to romance,lots of guys just fall on their faces,but that does not mean they don't love you,know don't take this the wrong way but:you sound like your really mad cause he wont do it your way,buying you something sounds like the only thing you really want,not the man.If you keep pushing him in a corner with buy me this or i want that,soon he's going to just push on,Re think what your doing,try to be a little less material.Good luck to you.
2006-07-30 02:41:58 · answer #10 · answered by master_der_man 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋