Would you write a "dear John" letter if....?

Question

you were taking your kids and leaving your emotionally and verbally abusive husband? If so, how much would you tell him about WHY you were leaving and WHERE you were going?

Answer 1

If he isn't physically abusive I would tell him exsactly why I left him and what I think of him. I would tell him everything EXCEPT where I am going.

Answer 2

In this case it seems as though a Dear John letter might make him even angrier and more revengeful.

Arrange to move out of the house (even with just your suitcases) and go to a relatives or a safe house. Let the police know you are leaving, so they can prepare for any reaction from "John". Then file paperwork for legal separation, divorce, relief from abuse, temporary custody and emergency child support. Don't go back to him - and use the courts as your ally. There are there for you, and to stop guys like him.

After a while (I'm talking months here), when you know that he can remain calm about the situiation, then I would send him a Dear John letter or talk to him in person. Until then, I wouldn't give him the light of day. Abusers don't deserve it.

Good luck and god bless. Prayers are with you.

Answer 3

Only you can compose this letter. You have all the feelings, hurt, love, hate, etc., etc. For someone else to write this, would be shooting at a target blind folded. I will make a suggestion. The less info where you are, will buy you time for him to cool off after you leave. As for "why" you are leaving, make it short and simple. The more you say, the more grounds for him to argue with you in the future. Example; "Its over, we worked hard at it, I don't want our kids to live in an abusive home, and I am not going to take it any more". I hope you the best outcome ever. You are doing the right thing. God will help you thru this terrible ordeal. Never under estimate the power of prayer.

Answer 4

Go to your mother's, file for a PFA (Protection From Abuse) Order - then call him and tell him he is a bastard and you left him. Then tell him you will see him in court. Don't tell him where you are living. And don't go to see him. Just cut him out of your life - life will be better without him. Good luck.

Answer 5

He's still a human being and you fell inlove with him which would mean he wasnt all bad. Just write him that letter and tell him how you feel. You dont have to tell him where your going...Just tell him you have to learn to Love yourself, find yourself and focus on your kids...I wish you luck...God Bless You

Answer 6

Hell no I wouldn't write him a letter. He'd come home to an empty house and find me and my kids gone and that will tell him I got tired of his crap and have moved on.

Answer 7

You can tell him why you are leaving, the more detail, the better - but not where. Go to your parents and get some sort of protection, legal, if possible.

Answer 8

dear john letter is thoughtful..if you feel he deserves an expanation.
if you don't want to be with him and ur leaving him why then would you provide info on how to find you?
tell him why you have left that's all..

Answer 9

been there done that. abusive physically.mentally.after 16 yrs.with him i did tell him why, even if he should have known i gave him reasons anyway i even told him wahat i planned to do and live putting a courtorder on him.i wasnt going to let him scare me off of living where i wanted to and doing what i wanted to do anymore he wasnt going to take ALL of me away

Answer 10

I would tell him everything about WHY.but not too much about WHERE.before leaving ,try to imagine how would you feel about this if you were he.first speak with him about your problems than decide what are you going to do.
good luck!