I've just started a basic skills teaching course and one of my adult students asked me out is this allowed?

Question

he is 31 years old and has given me his number and wants me to call him, i know that a teacher dating a student in school is illegal and un professional but is it the same in adult education.
i am uncertain what to do as i don't want to hurt his feelings or loose my career please give me your advice

Answer 1

Seems rather unethical. I would wait until he is no longer your student and make my decision then. Honestly, do you want to put your career at risk over a date with someone you may not even be with for the long term? AND what if something goes wrong and he's a total jerk and you're stuck teaching him for the duration? Kind of uncomfortable, I would think.

Answer 2

Well, obviously a teacher dating a younger student is wrong..like high school. But, since you are both adults...why should it matter?? You can't help who you like. Let's look at it the other way. Let's say you were together before this course. He signed up for it (not knowing you were going to be his teacher) and he shows up the first day of class. Would you have to break up with him? That's a little stupid. Also, I work at JC Penney. If my husband comes to the store to buy something is it wrong to "be with a customer"? The only thing I would see wrong is playing favorites and giving him an A if he didnt' deserve it. It may be best to wait until the class is over, but really....I don't see the problem.

Answer 3

It isn't illegal, but it is unprofessional. It's actually not a great idea to date anyone with whom you have a business relationship (for example, your boss) or a professional relationship. And the reasons are simple. It is too difficult to separate your professional and your private life. What happens if you go out with your student, you break up (acrimoniously) and he turns in an essay that you grade low. He starts muttering that there was nothing wrong with the essay and you're just trying to get even. etc.etc.etc.
Instead of dating, why not ask a couple of students to join you for coffee, and include the fellow who wants to date you. You can socialize in groups, but dating should wait until after he leaves your class.
That's the high line. The fact is, university profs do date their students, and very often end up divorcing their wives (who put them through school) to hook up with some little popsie. It's up to you which route you take, but it sounds as though you intuitively know the right answer.

Answer 4

Take it easy on this one.Did this just come out of the blue or was there some signal to him that he could cross this boundary from you.Personally I would not act on this because it could lead to too many complications down the line both professionaly and privately which could backfire on you while the student would have nothing to lose and in fact would have his ego boosted among his buddies indeed that could be part of the game.Even if you like this student I would steer clear of this by a long mile and I would begin to look in the mirror and ask yourself why in the first place you never considered the positions yourself that I am putting to you.Your lack of certainity in this matter can only be a part of a bigger picture.People will only hang on to you when they know you haven't the power to shake them off. Sure you can play the game but give nothing of youself away until your sure the one you gave it to has the capacity to return it

Answer 5

I cannot think of any teaching organization which would permit this of its members.

When one individual with authority has power over another individual, lower on the heirarchy, there is potential for harrassment. The teacher who uses his/her power to influence a student can be accused of harrassment.

The answer to the student is, "I am flattered. Thank you! Teachers do not date students so my answer is no."

You'll notice that the statement about teachers not dating students is stated without using the personal pronouns. That way you keep it as impersonal as possible and don't fall into a trap engaging in debate over this.

Answer 6

As an Post compulsory Education teacher/lecturer, you will be duty bound by contract to to engage in any practice or behaviour that can obscure the student/teacher relationship.

It is not illegal but you will be surely suspended and probably struck off the teaching register as it is just not acceptable, sorry to sound all doom and gloom but dating students is just a no go! (Evene if he does look like Bard Pitt or his female counter-part!)

Answer 7

Very bad idea. you will probably get sacked if you date him and are found out (as this gives him unfair advantage over other students as you are more likely to help in areas where you are not allowed to help other students). Not only that, will you really be able to concentrate in teaching if your lover is present. If you do want to date him, either him or you will have to change the institution.

Answer 8

Whether it is "allowed" or not, you should definitely avoid going out with him until the class has ended. If you do go out, you will be compromising your position as a teacher, if not in reality, in the eyes of the other students. Be wise and use your common sense.

Hope this helps!!

Answer 9

Whether or not there is an attraction, let him know you are flattered, but you aren't willing to risk your job over this type of interaction. Let him firmly know this, and if there is a possible attraction, let him know as soon as he graduates or is no longer on of your students, then something might be possible.
Don't take the chance...he could be just trying to "use you" for convenience or better grades.

Answer 10

No, you can't date your own student. It isn't allowed. BUT you can still call him professionally as his teacher and not his date. How long is your course? Because once its over you guys can do whatever and until then you can be ... "friends".