I told them a little over three years ago when I was 15, since then they have thought of me, like one thinks of an "evil demonic creature" instead of a human being, they even called me that a few times.
They still hate me and call me evil, but recently they are starting to think it is a disease I have, and need to be cured of to be "normal" (straight) again, even though I never was straight!
2006-07-30 00:28:00 · 40 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
Dear Sean,
Yes, it is possible that your parents will never accept you being gay. This depends on their capacity to love and their understanding of your sexual orientation. If they are Christians, then they should accept and love you but not your lifestyle as homosexuality is condemned in the Bible.
There is hope my friend.
ALL THE BEST.
2006-07-30 00:34:02 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is why I keep reccomending that people come out to their parents when they are on their own or are at least of legal age. You could very well have found your self in some facility geared to make you turn straight.
Time and education is what your parents need. First you need to be informed your self if you are not. Then you can inform them. Read widely. Go to gay book stores, gay lesbian centers, gay.com and other gay sites, maybe join a coming out support group and see some gay movies. There are so many coming out stories and so many examples of people that have had hardline parents and how they have dealt with them. You will learn from this experience.
Your parents may never come around.
In the mean time live as good a life as possible. If you are living a good life, when people say bad about you no one will believe its true.
You can't preoccupy your self with acceptance by your parents. Supply them with information. If they take it - great. If not move on. Maybe some day they will listen and inform themselves widely.
If it is because of their religion - I highly hope that you are still not a follower of it. Find a new one and reccomend it to them and say how their current one is wrong.
2006-07-30 03:13:31 · answer #2 · answered by Think.for.your.self 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sean,
You are very brave. The very fact that they would use the words evil demonic creature says to me that they are at some level involved in the fundamentalist end of either Christianity or Islam (possibly ultra-orthodox Judaism, but I doubt that). In any case it took incredible courage for you to tell them that you were gay, and displayed an honesty and resolve that is very unusual anywhere in the world.
Yes it is possible that they will never accept you. I wish there were a way to soften that, but there isn't. Bigotry, particularly when it is driven by religious beliefs (whether those beliefs are wrong or right) is a very difficult thing to overcome. It is also possible that at some time they will overcome it and accept or at least love you again.
Regardless. You are not alone. As a friend and former Dean and Director of the College where I work said, and as I firmly believe: Real family is chosen, not born. I know that you have been taught all about "blood" -- but much of what you were taught there is inaccurate. Years ago I raised two boys, both from abusive homes. They never stopped being my sons. Carol (my friend the Dean), whose youngest son was gay, mothered all of his close friendship group through the latter end of high-school and college - since many of them were in your situation and had been rejected by blood family. They are still very close to her, even though they have all been out of college now for 2 or 3 years and she would do anything for them. So, just because your parents reject you does not mean that you cannot have a family that loves you very much indeed -- just as much in fact -- and with a more open and accepting hand than your blood family. You simply have to love others, and let it happen. Another words, build your own. That does mean that you have to let go of your preconceptions about family, and work with love and constance to build one up, but you can, I know you can.
You are good and kind and wonderful. You can do anything you put your mind to. You are loved.
If you need/want to talk, email me: believeinyou24@yahoo.com
Kind thoughts,
Reynolds Jones
http://www.rebuff.org
2006-07-30 01:24:11 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
You are joking right? Seriously I didn't know people still had such warped ideas about sexuality. I really hope your not playing up to it though.
I had a gay friend and he un-intentionally made it very hard for his family to accept, and would then fly off the handle, practically screaming homophobia if anyone confronted him about anything. (bit of a drama queen!) His parents got over it, when he moved out.
If I were you I'd kill them with kindness, play everything by the book. Be the best son they could wish for (well don't need to go too far!) This will make them realise that they are acting like idiots. Avoid arguments or if one comes up make sure you are on damage control rather than rant. Easy to say I know, but they need to realise how ridiculous they are being. other than that **** em!
2006-07-30 00:41:25 · answer #4 · answered by As You Like It 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I can't understand why parents have issues with their kids sexualities. I have 2 daughters and a son, and have often thought what I'd think if they came and told me they were gay.
Your kids are your kids no matter what. I personally wouldn't have any issues at all if my kids came home and told me they prefer their like gender. As long as my kids were happy and treated with respect i coulkdn't give 2 hoots of their sexual prefernce. I love my kids unconditionally.
I can't say wether or not your parents will ever come round to your sexuality and I think they're being evil demonic creatures themselves. They have no right to be so cruel. We live in the year 2006 where normality doesn't exist. I feel sorry for you that you have parents that are so obviously living back in the dark ages. I hope your parents come round, and I wish you the very best of luck!!
2006-07-30 00:38:12 · answer #5 · answered by ♥ Nicola ♥ 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Sorry to hear this Sean, it definately sounds upsetting
Unfortunately, some people will never learn to accept it as part of who you are.
It sounds to me though, that they are going down a dangerous path. I assume you are now 18, so I'm not sure what legal hold they have over you, but watch out for what they might try next. If they try to convince you to see a councillor, make sure it's one you both agree on, and then get them to see one too, in return. That way, you can find a councillor who knows it's nothing wrong with you.
Be strong, however, if it gets worse, it might be time to move out. Perhaps, after you have given your family some space, they will be able to come to terms with it.
Have an e-hug, and I hope you find the best way for you to deal with this situation.
2006-07-30 00:40:38 · answer #6 · answered by Shaun B 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If they really loved you they wouldnt treat you this way. You dont need that kind of negative energy in your life. Maybe stay away from them for a while, let them know you are there when they are ready to accept you, make sure they have your up to date contact details and leave it at that. You cant change who you are, you cant live a lie. Surely they must realise that would be worse.
And to the person who said why should they accept you when you dont accept them, they must be telepathic or something because i dont get a hint in your question that you have ever judged them that way.
2006-07-30 00:59:41 · answer #7 · answered by pinkyandbunty 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry to hear that little brother. My parents never accepted it too. They are very religious and think I'm this heathen. Maybe they'll come around. Some people wont accept that people are born that way and there nothing wrong. I sure do hope things work out for you. Good luck.
2006-07-30 00:52:37 · answer #8 · answered by Cymalon 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Parents hav a hard time in general accepting their children for wanting to be something other than what they had dreamed they wanted them to be for so long. If it wasn't the gay issue, it would be another issue. Don't think of them negatively if they can't. Just make sure you become the best person you can be.
2006-07-30 01:47:17 · answer #9 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sadly, they may never be accepting. My husband's mother and step-father have not been able to come to terms with it after 13 years. His father and step-mother, on the other hand, love us both. I'm not saying you should throw in the towel and give up, you've got to keep trying. Continue to show them that you are a kind, decent person, continue to love them, and hope that they will come around.
2006-07-30 02:06:59 · answer #10 · answered by Speedo Inspector 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋