i am trapped..its not my fault..help..?

Question

hi everyone..
patient reading!!
i m a college gal.when i joined the college there was a senior who was after me.He approached and said he loves me.I had been infatuated towards him.Once i found a letter in my bag.But it was not in my name.So i decided not to open it.But my sister read it.She said very nasty things were written on it and tore it into pieces.I was sure that somebody put it in my bag intentionally because our names are written in our bags.
Next day when i went to college i found that guy was very curious about me and wanted to know my reactions.so i was confirmed that it was he who had done that.
I avoided him all the time.Now after months he came to talk to me.He is behaving very innocent.Though i know wt kind of a person he is i hv never told him or anyone of that letter.I cannot.Everyone think that i am so heartless!!he is after me since so many days and i m rejecting him!!but what do i do?i cannot tel this to anyone.How do i reject him in a way that is safe?

Answer 1

the guy is a stalker. stay away from him

Answer 2

Could you clear something up for me please? you say he was curious the next day and wanted to know your reactions.
was it his behavior that convinced you he was the letter writer or did he admit to writing the letter?
Was the letter signed in his name?
(Later in your Q you mention that you've never told him about this letter.)

I see two possibilities:1. somebody could have been playing a sick joke on you or
2.this guy is not worth your time.
you say it happened a couple of months ago and that he only recently approached you again.

if you are sure he is the writer there are many subtle ways to reject him.
keep conversations short without being rude.
do not concern you with what others think - you don't owe them any explanations.
your safety must be your first priority.
However, if he does become a nuisance report him as this is not a healthy situation.
LASTLY - If ever you find a letter in your bag open it and read it.
do not destroy the letter. If it is handwritten you can easily compare the handwriting+ it could be evidence against the perpetrator.

Wishing you well.

I'll be watching for an update on your Q.

Answer 3

You've graduated college and this guy is still lingering around? I would be nervous as well. You can do a couple of things, have a restraining order taken out on him, or if there is an equivalent in your country (sounds like you are not American, though your English is good) or you can move without notice (except family) and give you new address to a few people that you absolutely trust. You have to tell someone about this letter and this stalker, maybe your sister and your family and/or a good friend. But, GOD FORBID, anything happens to you at least people will have a starting point of who may have done it. From my experience, there is no safe way of rejecting someone like this. He will delude himself and think that you are playing hard to get, not a good situation. Good luck.

Answer 4

Tell him flat out that you are not sexually interested in him and ask him to please not ask you out (or whatever he's been doing) anymore. Also tell him that his actions make you uncomfortable and that you need some space. If you have to, mention that his actions could be considered harassment. Make sure you talk to him in a place where you won't be overheard but don't be alone with him. Make sure you aren't mean but not nice, either. Be firm and assertive; make sure he knows you are serious. The worst case scenario is that he is a rapist or a stalker. Just make sure that you aren't alone for at least a few weeks after you talk to him because he may have some negative feelings towards you for a while for rejecting him. Even if you are friendly and nice he could still be resentful - who knows what goes on in the mind of a psycho? Just be careful with yourself, girl and I wish you the best of luck!!!

Answer 5

First of all, you have to make clear to him that you are not interested. But that you already know. How to do that? Make sure you don't get into a discussion with him, because then he has contact with you, and that's what he wants.
If you feel uncomfortable with him, go to him and tell him on a friendly but distant way that you feel uncomfortable with him since he told you he loved you and since you got this letter.
He will try to convince you it wasn't him. Tell him it doesn't matter if it was him or not, that you are not interested in friendship or more with him. Tell him that you told some people about this letter. (the message in that is that he knows that he has to watch out himself.)
Again, avoid a discussion. Say what you want to say in a patient friendly way, but I mean business-friendly, not personal friendly! Make sure there is someone with you when you say this to him, not directly with you but someone who can keep an eye on you from a discrete distance. In that way you let him know that you are not alone, but you also don't push him in a defensive corner.

Be carefull, don't feel sorry for him if he tries to give you the guilt feelings, and make sure you have people around you who know about this. Avoid any form of contact with him after this, just pretend he is invisable. Ignore him.
If that doesn't work and you feel afraid, tell someone from the schooldirectory (is this the right word? I am not English speaking but I think you know what I mean) he is harrassing you.

O, one last thing, please DO tell your friends what is going on! You don't have to feel embarrased, and you don't have to protect him by thinking that you might be wrong and you don't want to put him in a bad light. You feel bad about this, and he makes you feel bad!
Manipulation works if you let yourself get manipulated. Don't let him manipulate you. Show that in a selfconfident attitude. Even if you don't feel selfconfident, just act like it.

Take care, and I wish you all the best!

Answer 6

Don`t you worry..u r the innocent one.So ultimately everything will be in your favour.You need not tel about that letter to anyone.Its only your sister who told u that nasty things were written on it.right?
just say a final 'no' to him.You have to b strong for a while ofcourse.Don`t bother about your friends.After all its about your 'life and happiness'.Even though u were infatuated towards him,how can u move around with a guy when u know he is bad and has a dirty mind?

Answer 7

OK after reading we get to the actual question how to reject the loser.
simply tell him you are not interested. if he does not take no for an answer then you can take legal action against him, for sexual harassment (if my tired brain is right).
if he is indeed the guy who put the horrible note in your bag, then you are better of away from him.
if not then go with what your heart/gut is telling you.

ultimately only you know whats right for you.

Answer 8

Tell him about the letter, and ask him if he was the one who made it!Be frank rather than having situation complicated to end it up and settled everything between you and the guy!But maybe he knows about the letter and regret and trying to win your heart now! Talk to him to clear everything!

Answer 9

Just tell him straight up that you were once interested and that you are no longer interested in him. Tell him that you guys can be friends and that's all. If he is not going to respect your wishes then tell him to keep his distance. If he violates that, report him to your Student Services on campus.

Answer 10

hi,
first make sure you have someone with you a friend or whoever, then tell this guy flat out that you are not dating at this time and don't plan on it, your mind is on your school work. and then ask him please to stop stalking you about going out.( but make sure you have a witness.) you need to tell someone make sure someone else is awhere of this guy action in case he is a freak.
that don't work get someone lean on him a little. be careful

Answer 11

Have a friend come with you and just stand by as a support and witness. Tell this boy that you do not want his advances. Tell him that you do not want him bugging you again.