when i look in the mirror all i see is the darkness of my heart
i cant stand the fact that we are apart
why does my life go on if i cant be happy
i just want to die
why cant i just die
pearce my hart with your words
cut me open and see the birds
look inside to see what i have become
you may think i am bumd
but i didnt do this to care about any thing
i just want to die
why cant i just die
thease are my final words
place a tear on my birds
feed the peace that once was me
lie me down and leave my be
look at what you have done to the man you once loved
now i look at you from above
i am still not happy
will i ever be happy
2006-07-29 23:42:55 · 11 answers · asked by Michael H 4 in Games & Recreation ➔ Hobbies & Crafts
I liked your poem, very deep. Personally, I would drop the last two lines. The poem is effective without them. That is just my opinion of course.
2006-07-29 23:47:58 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Very talented, but the poem sounds like a person who is wasting away when there is the perfect person out there just waiting for him to walk up to her. They will both know, but never believe it could happen to them. A true and happy love relationship. And why did he spend so much time letting himself slip so far down while she waited for him to come to her. They don't even know that each other exist yet, The angels watch with hope and fear that they may never meet. So Sad, So Sad. Time is waisted on mourning, when he should be out finding himself and healing for the real love that awaits him. And she is out there. The angels are know this, but can't tell him, because he just wont ask, Why?
2006-07-30 07:24:53 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you want my opinion which represents the minority, I think that it is another pointless love poem that fits into the millions of others. Everyone will fight to say how their's is original but in the end, they all pretty much cover the same things. Sorry but that's just how I feel.
2006-07-30 06:48:19 · answer #3 · answered by true_skillzz 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
poems like this are a dime a dozen. Take your grief and do something positive with it--go work in a homeless kitchen, develop more character, go to church, read some books you always wanted to, become the person you want others to see.
2006-07-30 08:30:56 · answer #4 · answered by it's me 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
promising free verse poem. Try:1) not to kill yourself and 2) to check your spelling. And things will be fine! Happiness may still be round the corner without you knowing it. We are created for it...
2006-07-30 06:51:02 · answer #5 · answered by Cristian Mocanu 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
not bad i like it, but if your that lonely you could go out and buy love. it might last a short time, tell you can find the right person
2006-07-30 22:29:23 · answer #6 · answered by Phantom Chaos 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well... it's a little dark for me... but my girlfriend writes that kind of stuff all the time, and i always nod and say "yes it's nice dear"... lol... very good.
2006-07-30 13:48:33 · answer #7 · answered by peters3965 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't want to get that ,,its depressing and sad ,,so if that was your intention you did a good job ,
2006-07-30 06:47:37 · answer #8 · answered by Linda 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
im not the kind of person who wud kill myself but that iz good
2006-07-30 06:50:06 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
well not bad but i don't like sad poems..
2006-07-30 06:59:27 · answer #10 · answered by p!nk_f@iry 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋