The young man works with his father in an agency that works for the company i work for. This happened on a day when we had a great time out with my wife the previous day and on a day when i had asked her to spend time with me and she did not look interested since she had this date. I have now left her but i need to hear a few opinions on the matter. We have been married for 12 years and have 3 children.
2006-07-29 22:44:30 · 12 answers · asked by githinji g 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It's best you stay away from her and start over if you can't let go of the memory. Once a cheater, always a cheater. I'm sorry for your children.
2006-07-29 22:47:35 · answer #1 · answered by Ray 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
That IS A HARD SITUATION. You said that your wife confessed, it means that she must be guilty and feel sorry. I personally don't believe in divorce. But I also understand that you have every right to feel hurt and be angry. I also think that continuing just for children's sake as they would all say would be hard because I believe that you will both not show a very healthy marital relationship to your kids so actually either way it's not for the children's sake. Well my friend, this woman was a woman you've been with for 12 years and you've surely been through a lot together.. relationship problems happen. But being cheated is the hardest to deal with. Once trust is broken, it's surely very hard and takes a long time to build it back. While I would advise you to take some time to think about your wife.. maybe she had been insecure.. staying at home doing chores all day.. etc.. and maybe comes along a young man who shows her fresh young appreciations women use to hear only from their boyfriend. However, i know that you may be hurting sooo much and frustrated of your wife that you cannot have the strength to think and empathize to your wife. Well... take the time to be hurt.. go away for a while.. get some fresh air.. and deal with your hurts.. but never get into with other women.. then when you're okay you can begin to empathize to your wife\, putting yourself into her why she probably had done it... I've always believe that love conquers all.. And love never really ends if people give it time first...
2006-07-29 22:59:07 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, identify the problems with her or with your relationship that may have led her to cheat on you. Was she bored? Unhappy? Did she feel unappreciated, unloved? Does she have emotional problems? Does she have a problem with impulse control? Was she trying to get your attention and make you jealous? If you think about it, you should be able to figure out where the problem might be. When someone cheats, it's either an emotional problem they have, independent of you, or (more likely), it's a problem with *your* relationship. Cheating is just a symptom of problems with a marriage, a lot of the time.
If you love her, and you think she loves you, or could come to love you again--if you are both willing--go to couples therapy. That's the starting point for getting this dealt with.
Talk to one another honestly, without pulling punches. Be fair with each other, and frank, if you want to find out why she did it. Once you know, please do see a therapist if you want to continue.
Also, realize that as hard as it is, maybe she doesn't want to be with you. At some point, figure out why, as that will help you heal. Don't try to pressure her; you need a clear, unpressured response so things can move forward. I would introduce the idea of couples therapy.
BUT she's betrayed your trust, and you have every right to get out. You do deserve someone who doesn't cheat. Because you have kids, and I know firsthand as a kid with divorced parents how hard that can be (one of my parents actually cheated), I think you owe the kids to try to work through this. If there's a possibility it could work, try it. At least *try* talking to a psychologist and making it work, if your woman is willing and seems sincere. It's up to you, if you can or want to trust her again, but it's my opinion that you should try to work it out for the kids. If she's crazy, and she's unwilling, and you're sure it can't be resolved, maybe not. And of course, if she keeps up this behaviour, you'll have to leave.
2006-07-29 22:56:16 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some things are such a betrayal of the marriage as to make continuing the relationship VERY difficult, and highly unlikely. I suppose that is is somehow possible to mend the rift caused by a spouse attempting to hire a hit man to kill you. That would probably be about the only thing one could do that was worse than cheating. A spouse spitting in your face would be less hurtful, and less of a betrayal than cheating. I doubt many marriages survive, and stay a loving, healthy relationship, when either cheats.
2006-07-30 05:32:35 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Explain to your kids what happened, that you still love them but the trust is no longer there for your ex. Inform them that you will still support your kids as you should but you need to find someone who can share happiness with you. Cut your wife off your insurance policy if you haven't already done so. Try to find someone who is more faithful and someone who can earn your trust and keep it. My best friends parents had the same problem. Most important thing is dont forget your kids. They are a casualty of this affair and shouldn't suffer from you. They can be a moral base for you as you can be for them. Inform your kids that you need someone who can share intimacy and who you can trust. They will support you as long as you keep them in the loop. They won't feel so lost.
Whether you remain friends is up to you. But you and your children are the most important now.
Good luck
2006-07-29 22:52:12 · answer #5 · answered by wildhair 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I just went through the same last year. Nine years together with three kids. I tried to work things out with her a couple of times, but it looks like my divorce lawyer can answer any other questions you might have. Good luck.
2006-07-29 23:26:24 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow that is sad,
you said your wife confessed. i do not believe in cheating, at all, but i do know one thing, and me and all my friends agree, 'NEVER, NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER......CONFESS,
because us women have a tendency to want to tell all confess all, JUST TO HAVE IT USED AGAINST HER,
If she confessed, she feels very bad, yet she has enough respect for you to tell you, knowing that the outcome could be disasterous,, where if she said nothing and realized her "sin" YOU WOULD NOT KNOW, AND life would go on..
INSTEAD,, your wife, confessed, and trusted you with her fate,, she is not a whore, or evil,, she is human,
It does not excuse anything she did, however, you must decide if what you have worked for together and your children are worth keeping a family..? Do you still love her?
Does this woman have good qualities,? OR IS she a hopeless flirt, always playing games, is she always gone or given you any reason to think that she would do this again? Do not break off with her because of your pride, or you are ashamed or embarrased,, and do not break off with her for her ultimate punishment, that you must follow llthru with,
If you have to divorce, please let it be because it is impossible, to live with her, and she is always chasing men, or dissapearing mysteriously,,
Iyou love her, and her you, get counseling, find out what prompted her to look to another man instead of you..
It is not easy,, but forgiveness is one of the most necessary emotions and choices to make, if you can't or wont forgive, you are sticking to being strong, etc, but in tiime with patience this can heal o ld wounds, and prevent new ones, you can learn more about each others needs, and you can build an even stronger bond, and show your children that you can overcome almost anything,,
I think it was brave of your wife to confess, and she abviously is sorry, punishment, is not necessary, i think she has punished herself,,
forget what the world says, and even yahoo answers, they do not live in your house, nor you in theirs,,
pray about it, together, let go of your resentment, and remember when you get rid of your wife,, you will be trading in one set of problems for a new set,, because whatever you do, whomever you get involved with, they have their own set of issues, you will have to deal with.
good luck,
forgive her, and love her, and let it go,,
2006-07-29 23:43:09 · answer #7 · answered by Maureen K 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There are as many solutions to this, as there are human beings on earth. And basically with the aid of fact they are cheating, it does not propose they do no longer look to be happy at homestead. a number of them would fairly be happy, love their better halves and nonetheless experience they decide for something extra. some adult adult males love the two women, for completely distinctive motives. some would have better halves with substance abuse matters and be very unhappy yet stay for the toddlers. and that they'd no longer love, or maybe like, their better halves, yet be deeply in love with their different female. and that they the two agree the toddlers come first. some cheat with the aid of fact they are terrified of the economic losses of a divorce. however the marriage is in any different case ineffective. they have been rejected for years and decide for some actual intimacy of their lives. There are any style of motives, and variations of those motives, for why adult adult males cheat. And the comparable is going.... for women who cheat besides. you spot.. Falling in love with somebody else once you're already married is largely no distinctive than falling in love once you're single--once you experience those emotions for somebody else, your coronary heart does not fairly care appropriate to the hoop on your finger. a good style of individuals think of that a marriage ring is an on/off swap on your coronary heart and it basically isn't. it is complicated to understand that until you have been there your self.
2016-11-03 07:21:47 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
get counciling. remember you must beable to forgive but it doesnt mean to get back with her after forgiving her. what im trying to say is that if you decide to forgive her and be with her make sure you know that she may do it again. 12 years is alot maybe it was just a stupid lack of attention from you. thats why men are the head of the family girls cant make good jugment sometimes.
2006-07-29 23:48:00 · answer #9 · answered by experiance 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Work it out. Get counseling. One mistake shouldn't make the whole marriage fall apart. How many times have you made a mistake and she forgave you.
2006-07-29 22:46:56 · answer #10 · answered by Trollhair 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋