Do you think that married couples can work together in their own business and still have a good marriage?

Question

Does the marriage suffer because of the business relationship between spouses that work together?

Answer 1

I've worked with my boyfriend for three years, in three different jobs, so I feel highly qualified here. ;) First off, there's no generalization. It may work for some, may not work for others. Here are the things I think play a role in how well it goes:

1). How you think of each other. One of the major reasons I think it works well for my guy and I is that we actually met at work. I was his boss. So before he saw me as a girlfriend, he saw me as a boss. Later, when he found out everything about me, he had the base impression of me as someone he worked with. In other words, we didn't bring any baggage to the work relationship because we didn't get any baggage (or any anything) until after we started working together. Our work relationship was established first, so there was no adjusting to our work roles.

If the two of you have baggage (one of you thinks the other is a little on the irresponsible side, one of you has a dominant role at home and is settled into it- and that might reverse at work, etc.), these are things you would have to work through. For instance, I was dominant at work in one of the jobs; my man is dominant at home. If one of you is absolutely dominant at home, and kind of hogs all the decisions and is a "my way or the highway" type on small things, like what temperature to keep the thermostat on, it will probably be that way at work.

2. Maturity and communication. If you guys get along well at home, odds are you'll get along well at work. And by get along I don't mean agreeableness or ability to clique with each other, I mean problem solving and communication. Do you deal with home issues by listening to each side, calmly, without yelling and being oversensitive? Do you make home business decisions (like financial ones) without fussing? Do you act reasonable when it comes to deciding other things (like what car to get or how to raise a kid)? If so, this will probably be ok in a work environment, too. Do you listen to each other? Do both of you fight fairly? Is neither of you controlling or irresponsible or belittling? Are you patient? In other words, if you have a solid relationship to begin with, where it's not about oneupsmanship, control, thinking you're right, shoving all the work off on one person, belittling, lying, temper tantrums, etc., you're going to be ok working together. Problem solving skills (as in, not screaming when one of you is highly frustrated or upset; as in not name-calling; as in respecting each other, even when you feel the other person is making a bad decision) are super, super important. You MUST, MUST respect each other and each other's contributions and talents and even weaknesses if you want to work together. And you need self-confidence. If your spouse shoots down an idea of yours, are you going to freak out or cry or get oversensitive and bring it up once you get home? If so, this is a bad sign.

3. Another reason it works for my man and I is that we've always kept work stuff at work. In our first job, where I was his boss, we *had* to act like regular work partners, a boss and an employee, totally unattached, because we were both managers and couldn't let the employees know we were a couple. Because of our work schedule, working a lot in a few days, then getting off for three days, exhausted from a full week's work hours in just four days' time, we usually didn't have the energy at the end of the week to dissect our work fights. AND we were at work almost constantly for those first four days of every week, so we didn't have time to pull one another aside for private chats/squabbles. So, the first thing you would need to do is agree to be professional and fair at work. You have to have an agreement that you deal with work stuff at WORK. If your spouse pisses you off and it needs to be discussed, deal with it up-front, in professional terms. Just like any other work relationship, if you tell your spouse you feel like they're not taking your ideas seriously, that person needs to respond like they would to anyone, in a mature, detached way, rather than bring up personal baggage and using that as amo. Don't think of yourself as spouses at work, think of yourselves as professionals. Pretend other people are watching you, even if they're not, and that you have to act professional. Sure, you can give shoulder rubs or a quick kiss or be understanding of outside stresses. This relationship should be like any employee-employee relationship, only it can be a lot better, because if one of you is tired and doesn't feel like doing a lot one day, the other will understand if the reason for that is you had a two year old up with the flu all night, etc. You love each other, so you'll give each other perks no regular work peers would. Just keep it professional, except for little understandings. It's hard sometimes, when you want your spouse to yield to you over something at work because he/she loves you, and knows you're great, but your idea sucks, and the person you love is telling you no, or the person you love isn't treating you like a spouse. But it's WORK. Spousal roles are out the window. Another tidbit: never leave work until work issues are resolved. Make a rule that when you walk out the door, or when work time is over, you turn back into husband and wife, leaving all that work baggage behind you.

4. Personalities. If you're both clear-headed, not overly emotional to start, things will be easier. If you both have sensitive or explosive or stubborn temperments, work's going to be harder. You cannot be sensitive if you're going to work together, so lay down ground rules to keep you guys from getting upset. Stick to them. Don't give each other too much slack; again, pretend you're just working together, not married.

Answer 2

I think it truly depends on the couple and the amount of individual space needed in a relationship. Some couples work together as a team, come home and still are a team...whereas, some couples work together as a team, come home fighting like cats and dogs, and some couples cannot work together as a team at work, but have a great marriage at home. So it truly depends on the couple.

Second thing, it depends on the business...I mean if the work load is shared it may not pose too much of a problem but if the work load is not shared properly or divided in half, some spouses tend to feel used, or feel over worked, or even feel that one did more than the other...which results in fights at home.

Furthermore, for some couples if they see their spouse 24/7 they start to feel like they have no freedom and are stuck in a situation where they can't breath due to the fact that they are always together. Whereas, some couples may think its the greatest thing to be with their spouse 24/7....so it truly depends on the couple and their view points, individual needs, and the space needed to breath.

I think the only way to determine this is by talking to your spouse about how they like the idea of being together all the time, how work should be divided, how will the bills get paid, who will pay them, and etc. ask questions and see what your spouse has to say. If she thinks it may work great and go for it! If not, then start the business and trade off days which you work so that you both can get a break.

Also, know that a marriage is only as strong as you make it so keep the lines of communication open and be able to work around each other so you can be a happy couple.
In addition to that, know that regardless of how professional you try to be...whatever is happening at the home front will often carry into the office. So, if you think it can work..go for it...if you have any doubt...don't.

Lastly, I know of two different couples and both ended up differently...one is my bf's brother...him and his wife work for this huge company (their own business) and are always busy with clients and since they really don't spend too much time with each other at the office and only see each other during important meetings they are happy and are able to maintain a healthy marriage. Whereas, my parents both run a liquor store, and they fight like cats and dogs because my mom thinks she works harder than my dad and my dad think he works harder than my mom...and this argument continues on at home. The next day they both go to work upset and it continues on...dragging and arguing because of what they think...so it really depends on what you think. How much individual space do you need? What kind of work will you be doing? Is the work load shared evenly? Will you respect the fact that you both work and are tired and therefore no one is cooking dinner and to deal with pizza ?...just ask yourself and your spouse what would happen in the worst case scenario and how would you both attempt to solve it? If you disagree ...then it might be a sign it may not work..but if you agree then it will.

Answer 3

Some couples work great together, others need their space. You have to figure out what works for you. Can you stand each other 24/7? Do you work well together at other things? It could add a whole new dimension to your relationship or it could drive you nuts. A business will be as much trouble as a baby. Sounds like you're giving it lots of thought. Good luck!

Answer 4

Of course! It is because the choice is theirs. If they want to focus on their businesses, they can, if not then its their problem. Well, for me, a couple can have a good marriage if they focus first on their relationship as husband and wife. And they can work together in a same business so that they can still be together no matter what.

Answer 5

Depends on the personalities. If you're both the leadership kind, well, then you could have a problem. You could end up fighting for "who's in charge", etc.
Money also can cause problems.

But, if you know how to work together it can actually bring you closer together.
My husband and I have a business and we LOVE it and hope it'll be our main source of income one day! :) We work really well together on everything:)

Good luck! You'll never know until you try, anyway, so go work on a project together first like remodeling, finishing a basement, etc.

Answer 6

Not always but in some cases that much time together can make it very difficult on a relationship. Have you ever spent 24 hours a day with someone before, it sort of gets on your nerves. Some people can though they just enjoy each others company so much that there is no such thing as too much. I would make time each day to give each other space and give it a try.

Answer 7

I'm sure it CAN work, but every case I've seen it didn't. Come to think of it, all but 3 couples are now divorced. Two are still in business though.

Maybe better to concentrate on business and forget the marriage.

Answer 8

Being married to one's business partner is much better for the business than it is for the marriage.

Answer 9

I been working with my husband in our own business for 4 years, and let me toll you, Is very hard to deal with man's stress and fights about the jobs. It's not easy but You can try. At least for me is 50%/50% . sometimes I want to run away, and sometimes I want to kill him. but it's OK. our fights are 98% for business decisions.

Answer 10

Why shouldn't they especially if the wife is the owner of the business then she's on top during day time and her hubby is on top during night time. Perfect marital balance.

Answer 11

I have seen many couples work together and have a very happy relationship...it just takes understanding, patience and communication...