please tell me, I need to know how to do this task properly! take into account cleanliness and pleasure.
2006-07-29 21:07:47 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous in Health ➔ General Health Care ➔ Other - General Health Care
your sick and reported
2006-07-29 21:29:44 · answer #1 · answered by spacecadet 2 · 2⤊ 4⤋
How to properly wipe your butt!
Step by Step Instructions on Proper Be-hind Hygiene:
1) Be sure you squeezed out ALL the poo that needs to come out. Bring some reading material like the Bible and take your time. There are some things that should NEVER be rushed or cut short and this is one of them.
2) Shake any big hangers off your butt (hair) before even standing up.
3) Be sure to stand so that you can get a good firm reach and inspect your work. You don't see a mechanic working on the front end of a car engine sitting down do you? NO, he needs to see what the heck he's doing! You may need to do some stretches to loosen up, especially your wiping arm so you can get a good reach. If you still can't reach well, for crying out loud it's time to lose some weight!
4) Roll up a decent sized wad of TP in your right hand or left hand depending which one is your favored arm. Wipe in front to back motion. Use the other hand to spread your butt cheek a bit for a more efficient swipe.
5) As long as it's not a ghastly amount of poo on the TP, fold it over and wipe again a bit more rigorously back and forth, front to back. Toss into toilet. You will want to flush the toilet at this point or after another wipe batch or two to prevent plugging it up.
6) Then repeat process with more pressure applied (and deeper into hole) as there is less brown on the TP. As you get to there being little or none left on the TP, you are now ready to apply a small amount of water to it (before wiping of course). You may also choose to add a small amount of moisturizing hand soap. This will of course need to be followed up by with a wet batch of TP which contains no soap to prevent skin irritation/ drying.
7) Wipe with wet TP as many times as necessary to remove any remaining residue.
8) Follow up with one last swipe with a smaller dry bundle. You now have a clean butt hole that will not emit an offensive odor.
9) Take a daily bath or shower to scrub and flush out your butt hole with soap and water. Good job! Your fellow man/ woman will be truly glad and your social/business/love life will undoubtedly improve. A little practice in discipline and it will become a very healthy habit. We thank you!
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Here are some quotes from forums I found online:
"Dear Harry: I don't think it's so much in your technique but in the toilet paper products you use. That thin stuff you find in most public restrooms and where you work just doesn't have what it takes. You need to use the whole roll to do a good job and not leave any "tracks." "
"A good toilet paper is the key to making sure you do a good job and to not have to take care of it again later. I would even go so far as to recommend to some people that they go get baby-wipes."
"You may want to try baby wipes in the place of wet TP referenced in above directions. "Hey I swear by them and so do millions of moms when it comes to wiping babies' butts! So why not use them on grown-ups? One of the best inventions of the 20th century in my opinion."
2006-07-29 21:13:34 · answer #2 · answered by Jennifer B 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oddest question but, nevertheless, if you're asking for cleanliness you have to use a bidet to wash your butt properly. As or "pleasure" well, you can ask a gay friend about that, he's the expert !!!
2006-07-29 21:12:15 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Use Your Toothbrush Im sure its cleaned the chit out of your mouth before
2006-07-29 21:12:28 · answer #4 · answered by D B 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wet wipes. If you are a girl, it is very important to wipe front-to-back. Don't ask why.
2006-07-29 21:13:32 · answer #5 · answered by Sebring Sage 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
With soft but strong brawny. This will get you super clean and the cool towel will feel very refreshing on your butt.
Also, for added pleasure envision me lying on the floor with my mouth open . . .
BECAUSE I AM LAUGHING SO HARD AT THIS TOTALLY F*CKED UP QUESTION!!!!!!!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2006-07-29 21:12:02 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go buy a dog, and after each **** you take, have the dog lick it clean. You won't have any cling-ons! LMAO
2006-07-29 21:09:57 · answer #7 · answered by Tammy O 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Use the water hose and spray right at your butt hole!
2006-07-29 21:13:43 · answer #8 · answered by Lawrence 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wet wipes...Its fantastic!
2006-07-29 21:09:16 · answer #9 · answered by Girl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
grab some toilet paper and put it in your hands and then wipe your butt
how easy iz that????
2006-07-29 21:11:35 · answer #10 · answered by I love him! 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Call roto-rooter
2006-07-29 21:16:07 · answer #11 · answered by Grist 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋