Can my marriage be saved?

Question

Me and my husband have been together for almost 2 years, and we have separated 3 times in that period. We both have cheated and done and said some aweful things. We both have forgiven each other. He says he still loves me but that i have ruined being married to him. However he also says that he has not put getting back together completely on the back burner. I love him so much and i can't bear to live without him any longer. How do i tell him how much he means to me and to give me another chance to prove to him that he means the world to me? I just love him so much it hurts sometimes and nothing i do can replace that. Any advice would be helpful.

Answer 1

Sadly, you can't repair this marriage. You both killed it. Forgetting the past would require lobotomies. Give up, divorce, and learn from your mistakes. Good luck.

Answer 2

Honestly...guys don't ever forgive EVI (ehtics, values and integrity)violations. They may say they do but in reallity you let some other guy into his "most sacred place". He will always look at you as if you're branded...despite what he has done. Men's egos are way to fragile to accept and forgive cheating.

In all honesty if you've been separated 3X in two years, cheated etc then I would say that your marriage is hopeless. You can ride the dead horse but in the end and the votes are tallied the horse will still be dead. Cut your losses and get some counseling so whatever mistakes you made in this marriage will not follow you into the next.

Check out the following website. It can answer your questions better than I can. It will also give you a "bird's eye" view of a guy's psyche. Don't let the title throw you it's about choosing and making a plan for your life.
http://www.condomsbrasandstraightjackets.com/
Good luck

Answer 3

Have u both tried marriage counseling? Sometimes talking about it in depth with a counselor can really make you both understand each other and read things that u normally couldn't see before. Or instead of telling him how much he means to you, try showing him more and doing romantic things for him. Most importantly though, u mentioned he's done some stuff to u too, so make sure he's reciprocating the love that u give him. If nothing seems to work, maybe u should get a divorce- sometimes marriage doesn't work out and if this continues, then u should really think about whether this marriage can survive. I hope things get resolved. Much luv!

Answer 4

Most people get married with the very best of intentions towards one another. It's a great shame that things go wrong; and that breaking your vows can cause a break in the original intention to stay together. You obviously WANT to make amends and need to find a way to get this across to him. Perhaps you could show him this entry you have placed on this board? If he loves you -and don't forget you have BOTH made mistakes, he'll want to work it out. It is a plus-point that you want to work it out: and a marriage is nearly always worth saving!! So, chin up, and think about what you could do that would make amends for your actions. And, hopefully, he will do the same. And from this, you would both be able to be proud that you took the high road, together!
All the best with your efforts!

Answer 5

Hey if he says that he has not put getting back together completely on the back burner. there is hope.try to give your marriage a fresh start. why dont u go on a long vacation with your husband. that will put your marriage into a new perspective. u will have all the time in the world to get to know each other once again.
Tell him how much he means to u and show him how much he means to u . the few days after your back with him will be testing time. when u have to prove how much u love him.
hey any relationship its only left to us to break or make it. if it isnt completely broken then there is hope to make the relationship work.

Answer 6

I say get out. You guys are both clinging to hope that it gets better and you want to force a love between you. But how can you when you have clearly been seperated 3 times. Cheated on each other. And even said some hurtful things on top of all of that. That is totally not a foundation for staying or trying to get back together with someone.

Answer 7

The marriage can be saved if you are both willing to commit to each other without even so much as looking at another person. You must commit to absolute faithfulness and absolute devotion. A marriage is supposed to be the joining of two people into one so you both have to be willing to give up what you want in favor of making your spouse happy. If you can't do that no relationship will ever last. The popular feeling of today on marriage is wrong you must beyond any doubt be willing to say I will stay with my spouse no matter what. It is not only a matter of love but also a decision to stay.

Answer 8

well marriage is based on trust, respect, and honor........
and all three has been broken, the best thing to do is talk to him and tell him that both of you need this in your lives again and even though it is broken you want to spend your whole life fixing it and really there is not much you can do except time to heal,,,, marriage is like a glass ball look at it this way if it falls it can easily be broken in a million pieces, scratch, and damage no matter how you fix it it will never be the same.......just build what you have lost for each other and never brake that trust ,,,,,,,if he gives you the chance you should talk to him and try with your heart to make it work, there is not much you can do except show him the door but remember he has to walk through with it with you.............good luck ! hopefully your love for one another will help each other heal.................

Answer 9

Print out this page out and place it in a card and give it to him and explain it to him, the circumstances of" yahoo answers of how much you love him you are seeking advice from anyone just to get him back that should let him know how much you love him, looks like you poured your hear out, kinda like," message in a bottle"

Try another marriage ceremony , re-new your wedding vows, bring in family and friend make it look and feel like a real ceremony. If you guys cant pull that off with true feeling, then it wasn't meant 2 be.

Don't let true love pass both of you by good luck.

Answer 10

My initial thoughts were "They both cheated? Their done for." But after reading how much you feel you need him, I am prompted to give a little advice.

You need to let him know that from now on you're only thinking about him. Men hate the idea that their girl might be thinking "Oh I remember Jack, and how amazing his body was." And let's face it, you've cheated. Whether he has or not, he's never going to get that mental image out of his head without some serious submissiveness.

You need to go to him with your head down. Spend the night curled up next to him. Make him feel like the protector. Let him know you feel safe with him next to you.

***You need to give him back the power he felt he lost when you cheated. ***

The other thing you need to do is NOT FORGET that you're in for a long road. It takes 1 second to fall in love, 1 second to destroy that love, and YEARS to rebuild it. If you're serious about making him love you again, you need to continue to make him feel good about you. Don't fight with him, and ALWAYS make him feel like you depend on him for comfort, for safety, and love.

I know he cheated too, but let's face it, girls forgive and forget things like that easier than I guy can. I know first hand. It's almost impossible to get those mental images out of your head.

Answer 11

fighting and seperation are just normal in marriage life, those are the test actually.. seems you're still in love with him but your relationship won't work out if only you alone doing something to save the marriage. ask him and carry the pain of his answer, all you have to do now is the security, if he's willing to live w/ you for the rest of his life, fine...but accept if he answers otherwise. it's better to live without him rather to live with him without any love and respect.. heartache and self pity will come after but you have to face the truth. good luck.