I am not making excuses, but my husband tonight in an intense argument started pushing me, which led to hitting and eventually pushing me on stairs. I was hitting back after the initial push, but still do not think it is ok for him to EVER touch me. This isn't really abuse,but what can I do to let him know it is never ok for him to put his hands on me in that way and how do I pretend this never happened in order not to drag this out longer?
2006-07-29 18:52:14 · 18 answers · asked by friend4u726 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It is never OK for a man to hit a women. NO MATTER WHAT! I would tell him to go get counseling about his anger. I have been there. I would also get into marriage counseling. He has to know that what he did is wrong. I can never forget what happened when I got hit, but I did learn to forgive. If this happens again I would leave him and never look back. Also , if there are kids involved they should be taken out of the situation as soon as possible. One last thing, it IS abuse when you get hit.
2006-07-29 19:00:59 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Wow! I can't believe you are justifying the fact that he "is" abusing you. You are in serious denial about that. Whether you hit back or not it's called "self-defense".
How can you pretend it never happened so it won't drag out? It's going to drag out for as long as you are with him. I'm not saying you should leave him but the two of you need counseling and he seriously needs anger management.
I've been with my husband for 12 years, and no matter how mad I've made him at times, he has NEVER put his hands on me! He's always walked away, even if he's had to spend the night at someone elses place. You really need to talk to him, and if you are afraid to, isn't that a good sign that something is really wrong?
2006-07-30 13:57:14 · answer #2 · answered by ~SSIRREN~ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Okay I don't know where you can feel or write that being hit is mostly justified. I don't care what you did, or didn't do or said or anything, there is never a reason for any person to lay a hand in a relationship on anybody else, period. You do not put up with this. It happens once, it'll happen again. I made it clear to my husband of three things, one, I lived with alcoholism growing up and I won't have it nor deal with it in the future,,,,,,,,,,two, if you ever take a hand to me or any of our kids,...........and three, if you ever lie or do something behind my back, you are out! I can not handle any of this. I am a patient, loving person but that doesn't mean boundaries don't need to be set. So I would highly recommend that you get yourself to a counselor and get help! I would set boundaries wtih your husband as to what you will accept and what you won't...........and he can do the same with you. Then, let it be known what the consequences are. To me, he probably was abused, neglected, mistreated in some way to put a hand to you and if it happens once, it'll happen again. BREAK THE CYCLE! GET OUT NOW AND WORK ON YOURSELF!!!! TAKE CARE OF YOU! Good luck!
2006-07-30 02:01:14 · answer #3 · answered by Laurie S 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You ARE making excuses! Your husband who apparently LOVES you, hit and pushed you! Something seriously terrible could have happened, well, wait it did happen! A man layed his hands on you!
This type of stuff always escalates!! Just watch, the next few days or weeks he will be extra sweet, loving, compassionate and seem very sorry. This is called the honeymoon phase. Next time you get in a fight, his violent reaction could be worse. It may get so bad that you might end up on the Montel Williams show, showing off your scars where your husband shot you.
I hate to be that brutal, but it pisses me off to hear women justify their husbands stupid actions. My mom was physically abused by her husband and she had the balls to leave. He doesn't love you if he hits you. PERIOD!
2006-07-30 02:04:16 · answer #4 · answered by Kristen A 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes it is really abuse! Who are you trying to fool us or yourelf? Is he bigger than you and stronger than you? No it is never ok and if it happened once it WILL happen again, he allows himself to cross that line and thats all there is to it but until you are willing to see it as the problem it is nothing will change anyway so we'll talk to you in a few black eyes when you really want help with it! I will give you one hint though, if you let it go you are doing nothing but teaching him that he can hit you and you wont do a damn thing about it...yes your right THAT will make it stop! You teach people how to treat you, consider carefully what you want him to learn here and what will deliver that message clearly. You both need counselling, without it this relationship is doomed anyway.
2006-07-30 01:58:41 · answer #5 · answered by dappersmom 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am not trying to be mean, but he IS abusing you. He hit you! Shoved you! NO MAN should EVER hit You or any other woman, no matter how little of a shove it is, it's abuse. Abuse is NOT justified at all, no matter what the excuse and No matter if you hit back. you are only defending yourself. I hate to tell you this but it's not gonna get better just by telling him not to hit you. I tried that and it landed me in the hospital, before i left my ex-husband he almost shot me, strangled one of my children and left bruises on it's neck, and threatened to kill all of us. It all started with just a little push.
Please whatever you do, get out of that situation. Dont take it. AND IT IS ABUSE!
2006-07-30 01:58:00 · answer #6 · answered by Tracey E 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry, but you are wrong.
1) It is abuse to hit you, at any time, no matter what the reason, it is still abuse.
2) It is never justified, see reason 1.
Get out while the getting is good and you are still physically able.
2006-07-30 02:06:13 · answer #7 · answered by wetsaway 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
first, stop saying it was justified. name-calling? fine. hitting? illegal. if you think it was your fault, then you are giving him power over you, and permission to do it again and again. leave. or, if you don't leave, next time call the cops. I can already tell you, he will never, ever change. Ever. Don't think counseling is the fix for him, either. Abusers never admit they have a problem, even in court ordered anger management. Get out.
2006-07-30 03:16:52 · answer #8 · answered by Cecelia R 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is abuse, you both need to get counselling if you plan to stay so it does not escalate to something worse, Like him killing you, don't you watch the news and you sound just like a victim you say your not making excuses for him but you are. You don't pretend it didn't happen it did and trust me you will never forget it.
2006-07-30 02:13:31 · answer #9 · answered by Katrina Y 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First before you go into deep thought about this is he really worth it. If so then really talk to him a how you feel. Then base your decision on how he views the situation because if he is sorry that it got out of hand then he worth giving another chance.
2006-07-30 02:01:28 · answer #10 · answered by shay 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋