WHEN SUMMER ENDS
RAIN WILL FALL,
WIND WILL BLOW,
SUMMER WIND,
I WALK LIKE A SHADOW,
A GLEAM OF HOPE,
A FRESH NEW DAY,
BEAUTIFUL LILACS,
WHEN SUMMER ENDS,
I WILL FOLLOW YOU....
2006-07-29 18:28:30 · 12 answers · asked by +++++ SPOOK ++++ 4 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Books & Authors
THE POEM IS ABOUT LIFE
LIKE A LILAC IT BLOOMS THEN IT "DIES" AFTER SUMMER.
HUMANS ARE LIKE WALKING SHADOWS.
2006-07-29 18:54:12 · update #1
RAIN AND WIND IS ALWAYS AROUND US....WE NEED AIR WATER IN ORDER TO LIVE....etc etc..
2006-07-29 18:57:03 · update #2
Howling gale unveils this sweet birth's cry
Wind builds as the young child grows
Summer's here as Spring innocence turns to die
Walk like a shadow toward life's whispered slows
Then the first hint of Autumn Fall
As between us life begins to stall
Taste ripened life in good harvest
As more gales hail new spings-our greatest
Winter slowly but surely creeps
Cold within our bones seeps
like an invading inevitability
Now we know for us there is no invincibility
Ground down and ready to die
The wind whispers of years memory in the sky.
A new gale blows over a new stone
A new grave stone as yet more harvests are grown.
.
Your poem inspired me spur of the moment to write this about the lifecycle and seasons-hope its inspiration. I like coming up with stuff on the spot-no analysis-just pure consciousness.
2006-07-30 04:11:59 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 8⤊ 5⤋
It is ok.
It doesn't flow very well. I get caught in the transition from line 3 to 4.
I can almost catch the feeling of the poem..almost.. but something is missing? Maybe more lines to make the meaning of the poem more clear? Or a better rhythm or rhyme?
HMM...
Something is just missing.
Take the 'You' off the end of the poem and I think it sounds better.
Really after I read it many times over I like it better. (I don't care to read those long long boring type poems...so hey, i like the length ;)
It takes a while to discover the 'beat/flow' of the poem for some reason. So lilacs bloom when summer ends? I'm not saying they aren't, I just thought they bloomed in the Spring, but I'm not sure of course...
2006-07-29 18:37:10 · answer #2 · answered by flour 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Nice. Somewhat sentimental (i.e., "mooshy"). But I appreciate the spirit in which it was written. The poem inspires some imagination. Definitely write more poems. You have a nice mind.
2006-07-29 18:34:24 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I like it except for the second and third lines both referring to wind, change one & it will be perfect!
Good Luck.
2006-07-29 18:31:17 · answer #4 · answered by Feeling Froggy 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I felt that some part of your poem is lack of something. But overall is still ok.
2006-07-29 18:39:37 · answer #5 · answered by JonathanT 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I like your poem.
It is short and sweet...like summer.
2006-07-29 21:52:50 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I like that. Its pretty its got a nice end to it also well done!
2006-07-29 18:40:05 · answer #7 · answered by Keeping_Real 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
short poems are good. i think poets shoud write ONLY short poems. theyre very easy to read!
2006-07-29 18:32:43 · answer #8 · answered by poppy_bloom 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Stalker...
2006-07-29 18:30:03 · answer #9 · answered by Ad Just 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It is nice
2006-07-29 18:30:55 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋