How can I help my 13 year old friend through her parents divorce/separation?

Question

My best friend's parents have just separated.She is feeling low/sad, and I need advice on how 2 help her. my parents are happily married and i have no idea wat its like. she acts like such a prima donna, and like shes the only one w/ problems. and i am getting really sick of her self- pity. how do i help. thanx

Answer 1

The best thing you can do for someone in that situation is to be there and be a friend. She may want to cry and tell you everything that is hurting her. The next day she may not say a word, but will still need you to sit with her in her silence.

Help her get through this when school starts. She will probably feel a lot of stress and not want to tell everyone in the school. She may feel "different" from everyone else and want to run and hide. She will need you to put up with her tears and her anger. Be a good friend and remember she isn't mad at you. She is upset that her world is changing and she has no control over it.

Most importantly, make sure you tell her over and over again that the divorce has NOTHING to do with anything that she said or did. There is nothing she could have done to prevent this divorce and there is no way she could have been bad enough to have caused her parents to split.

You must be a wonderful person to ask how to help your friend at this time. I hope she will get through this OK.

Answer 2

Your friend does deserve our empathy and concern. Divorce/separation is indeed a very traumatic event for a 13-year old. I'm sure the last thing your best friend wants is to have a broken family. She must be feeling very insecure and unloved by her parents. Suggest that she approaches a family social worker to help her work through the emotional hurt, sadness, confusion and helplessness. It is not easy but with proper counselling from a social worker, it can help to ease her pain and insecurities and bring things into the right perspective. As her best friend, do not belittle her pain. Show your emotional support by lending her your ears. In contrast, you have been most fortunate to come from a happy family.

Answer 3

Don't take too much crap from her that won't do anything but encourage her to get even more dramatic for even more attention. Be understanding, listen if she wants to talk, let her know that it isn't her fault and she isn't the reason, let her know that things will get better. Share some great music with her and dance, watch a funny movie, go online and find some great jokes and share them with her, once she figures out she can still laugh and life goes on she'll start getting better. Its an adjustment period and it can be tough but everyone will get through it and things will be ok.

Answer 4

Thats really a tough question, the real people that can make it easy for her are her parents, if they treat each other with respect and dont fight and aruge in front of her thats a HUGE advantage to helping her emotionally. All you can really do is be a good listener when she needs to talk. The next step is counseling if needed.

Answer 5

if she really is your best friend, just tell her your truth about the self pity, etc. best friends tell each other the truth and stand by each other - especially in tough times.

http://www.kidshealth.org/kid/feeling/emotion/self_esteem.html

Answer 6

you can't help her ---- she's hurting and acting out due to the situation at home --- you don't understand her situation and your words speak it loud and clear..."like she's the only one w/ problems. and i am getting really sick of her self- pity".... you aren't too sympathetic --- so refer her to to the guidance counselor at school ---

Answer 7

u need to spend ur time and attention to her. call her everyday, and if possble visit her

Answer 8

Be understanding and apropiate