Should I leave him?

Question

5 years ago my husband cheated on me, I knew almost immediately (gut feeling), he denied it, it took him a year to confess to a one time deal, and I told him I thought it was more than once but he kept insisting it was only once, and he just had too much to drink that night (and his judgement was impaired), I KNOW he hasn't cheated on me since (let's just say for this question I'm right about that 100%), but I'm constantly waiting for him to do it again, tonight for some stupid reason he confessed to me that that one time deal was actually more like 6 times (same girl) within a month. I've asked him numerous times about it before tonight and he always denied it, I don't know why he came clean tonight. Anyway, if it had been just a one time deal when he was too drunk I was willing to forgive, but this was an all out AFFAIR! I feel deeply betrayed more because he continued to lie about it even after confessing to the one time. Should I leave him?

By the way at the time he cheated on me we had a baby about 6 months old, now we have two children (the 5 year old and), our youngest is a little more than a year old. And I'm a stay at home mom with NO income, savings or college degree.

Our relationship the past 5 years has been really good, not perfect, but in the last 2 years has been REAL good, he insists he was young and STUPID and he made a HUGE mistake, he would NEVER do it again, and while I believe he MEANS it, I don't know if he has the will power to do it. Our marriage was at a terrible place when the cheating happened, and since it's been better.

Answer 1

Trust your gut feeling. Confirm gut feelings before reacting - extremely important!!!!! You know your short comings in the event of a split -lack of education - income etc. Do something about it now while you`re with him, use the time, that will enable you to break in the relationship when you need to walk away - empower yourself. Too many breakups happens with emotion as the drive. The fact that you wrote indicates that you want to do the right thing. You need to do the right thing for your two kids and for yourself. Do not ever get vindictive. Take your time, think it through and always plan from the worst case scenario eg. what if you are to provide 100% for you and the kids. Set yourself up to cope with the worst case scenario before you walk out. You can, and you have to, believe me. I hope he was just young and stupid and that the two of you can work things out.

Answer 2

That is a good question. Should you leave him? For the past 5 years when you thought it was only once, how did the two of you get along? How was the trust and love life? Were you able to actually forgive him, or did resentment and anger lie just below the surface? Did his cheating come up during arguments?

It really is bad now that he finally confessed the truth. How did you react? How did you feel deep inside? Is it possible for you to overcome this betrayal and stay in the marriage? It has been 5 years and you are sure it never happened agagin. Are there children involved?

You need some time to think about your feelings and how you can best handle the situation. Make a list of the "pro" and "con" of staying married to him. I urge you to both try marriage counseling. He may want to keep you and be willing to try and get through this.

If you come to the conclusion that you cannot trust him again and need to get out, do so quickly. You don't want to waste any more emotion on someone you cannot trust.

Answer 3

I can only say that 5 years is only a drop in the bucket to 15-20 or 25 years of feeling there was something he did'nt tell you,or staying up all night wondering if there were others. It is a horrible way to live < I'm in it > and If I could go back in time, before I traded in my happiness I would leave and never look back. Good luck in making your decision, but remember your a woman and no matter what we have the right to change our minds:)

Answer 4

Yup, you have made the typical stupid mistake -- didn't get enuff education to support yourself if you ever had to, and now you are stuck with a cheating husband, who can, really, do about what he wants, since you cannot afford to leave him. Of course you feel betrayed, particulary since you figured he would be your lifetime meal ticket....you'd be the mom, and he'd be the breadwinner. But as you can see, that doesn't always work out too well. If you and he are not willing to get into therapy, then he sorta has you where the hairs are short, so to speak, and you have the threat of alimony and child support over him...... really great stuff, huh? Should you leave him? A better question: Are you better off ( and you have to define "better off") with him or without him?

Answer 5

You need to answer that question yourself. It is hard if you want to make it work suggest marriage counseling, if he refuses leave him. I left my husband and now I am a single mom getting child support, I have a crummy job, but we are better off with out him. I didn't want my kids to be raised by an abusive man. You need to think this Thur. If you are a religious woman, consult your minister, he can also more than likely help with the marriage counseling as well. I wish you the best.

Answer 6

You just need to boot the dummy out and get a job because as we say, once a cheater always a cheater, and its been proven over and over again. Also just think that after he had sex with that woman 6 times how many guys did she have sex with before him? I hope you have no had sex with your husband since you found out due to STDs. I know you need to get a job and have some family member or friend help out with the kids and all.

Answer 7

Leave. Tell him you HATE liars because not only are they dirty enough to cheat in the first place then theyre not even man enough to tell the truth! Do you want to spend the rest of your life as a Nancy Drew? Constantly looking for clues & waiting till the next time he messes up. Tell him you hoped he saved her number, because you no longer want him any more.

Answer 8

Honey I just want to say Im so sorry to hear this story. I t sounds like your in a bind, but you can work it out. One thing that u should keep in your head is IT IS NOT THE ENDO OF THE WORLD. We have 2 questions to ask ourselves, 1) Do I love him? 2) Is he worth it? If u love him that is wonderful, but Its not enough these days. If you have to ask yourself "should I leave him?" then he might not be worth it like u think. Yes, you have 2 babies.... yes, you have no income w/ no college degree. But does that mean u have to tae his crap b/c u broke? NO. Sounds like you need to meditate and weigh your pros and cons on the situation. If he is worth it....Good luck & Best wishes. But if not, pack your bags, move in w/ a family member and get your life in order(for u and your kids). Just pray about it. No one is worth u compromising your beliefs and inner feelings for.

Answer 9

If you still love him and you think he still loves you and that he knows that he had made a mistake and tghe reason he didn't tell you was because he was scared of your reactionand wanted you not to leave him then give him a chance but if you aren't in love and don't think that he loves you but want to stay in the marriage for money and the kids your wrong , it is better for them to have a strong mother than weak mother

Answer 10

First of all, to hazard labeling myself a rank novice within the eyes of anyone so confident as Ian, I will say that this poem is already relatively forged, even though I do suppose that the grammatical inversion you have got selected within the line 'But nonetheless she appears to remedy discover' is unnecessarily abstruse; I in my view comprehend your motive precisely, however my grammatical feel is surprisingly subtle and I realize you followed it to preserve the exacting, metronomic cadence this poem has. However, it was once needless. You would have mentioned as without difficulty 'But remedy nonetheless she appears to discover' and feature have shyed away from putting the direct item in a break up infinitive. Is what you probably did unsuitable gramatically? No, however by means of the equal token it isn't ideal .Now directly to the top of the poem, and the penultimate line: I suppose it could greater serve your intent to exchange the interval finishing the antepenultimate line by means of a comma (making of the road a clause), after which changing 'that is' with 'what is' within the penultimate line. I consider you that you simply are not able to difference the final line to Ian's advice with out replacing the influence of the complete poem, that's that Beth is making an attempt to discover a few souvenir of the daddy she in no way knew. She will remedy not anything by means of crying; she's effectively curious. I grew up in a unmarried-father or mother family; my mom raised me, and my brother, with out him. He left her among the time of my belief and my delivery; I've in no way met him or talked to him. I have visible pictures and heard the reports, however that is it. I can, as much as a factor, empathize with 'Beth.' It's no longer an party for crying such a lot as one for wondering, "Who was once he?" and "Who am I?" That being mentioned, the phrase 'frank' need to be one you want to use to Beth's mom, who lives for the needs of the poem 'offstage', which serves to make Beth's questing extra solitary, extra heartbreaking. To the level that your procedure attracts the reader towards her, it makes the phrase 'frank' look bizarre (personally). A knotty challenge you have got there Cassie! How will you remedy it. I do not intend to let you know 'the way you will have to' due to the fact that our animated correspondence has confident me most commonly of the zeal of your brain and you're going to discover the way in which... your method! Just do not take 'Beth' away to a few some distance eliminate within the procedure. All in all, a nice poem however one you'll, by way of additional cautious notion, make much more certain.