How did you get over your divorce?

Question

My "loving, christian" husband of 10+ years left me for his whore of 2+ years after the birth of our 3rd child. I am so angry and hurt. We have been seperated for 1 year and I am filing for divorce next week. I need REAL PEOPLE advice on how to move on?

Answer 1

focus on yourslf..and what is best for your children..Take care of your immediate needs, get a good lawyer, get counseling for yourself and the kids

..Be attentive to their needs as much as possible since your hubby has left you and the kids and you are all feeling abandoned now Grieving is a part of the healing process..

Remember that its not your fault;its about his mistake..Don't fight to get him back; he will only move further emotionally from you but mostly from the kids.Don't vent your anger for your ex on your children,they are innocent .
Have some one help you with your finances if you need help .Finances can be frustrating especially when the sole responsiblity is yours.There is help if you need it.

Don't feel upset because you are angry and hurt these are normal reactions to the situation. Greiving is normal part of the healing process.
" Never air your frustrations about your hubby around the kids.Remember they love mommy and daddy both and they don't understand what is going on between the to of you.

Fight clean...let the court system work for you;it may seem slow but it is effective.! I know this to be true.

Don't allow your ex to control your emotions and push your buttons.Don't allow hatred and bitterness fester in the end you are the only one who suffers.Because while you are in agony, he is out living his life..One thing is sure...one day he will realize what he has lost

.What goes around comes around...and I hve experienced it in my own ex..Get support from your family and church

...Hug your children every night..!

Answer 2

I believe divorce is by far one of the most emotionally traumatic occurrences that man fabricated as a result of the unwillingness and laziness to overcome an obstacle.

The "loving christian" type has nothing to do with the "reason the marriage failed".

Two people enter into marriage eyes open, the only ones who leave it must have become blinded for failure to see that there was a terrible problem that went unattended for too much time that nobody seemed to care enough to help.

There are always signs, occurrences, clues but whether we choose to accept them is one of the ladders that helps us climb out of the depression that divorce casts us into.

I was married for 21 years..........no actually WE were married for twenty-one years until we somehow let it get away.

Sometimes we are too stubborn to admit the failure and keep "playing the part" with or without the assistance of our spouse. Somewhere along the way we fell "out of LOVE".

I can't say that I still don't luv that man but I know I am not "in LOVE" with him the way that two humans should be before the eyes of God.

I think when you fall in love with someone you will never "fall out of love" as it is not humanly possible nor is it feasible that we can discard such a deep emotion haphazardly at the drop of a pen.

Truth is you'll never "get over" the "marriage" thats the bottom line and it is a very sad sad thing.

The "divorce" will be accepted after the usual rollercoaster of the grieving process which everyone must suffer through. The death of a marriage will never and should not be taken so lightly.

Time is the only thing that will let you have peace within yourself and acceptance that some part of your soul has been permanently injured. Nurture, doctor, mend or bandage that pain but the terrible truth is: you will never "get over" it.

There is a bold face fact that a divorce is not a fence that one can "get over" heck thats what causes pain and confusion about it in the first place.

Remember we are all ultimately just walking along life's paths...truthfully, alone within ourselves.

You are the only one who will help your inner child yourself. Lift yourself up when you fall and know that family, friends and whomever your Higher Power may be are there to strengthen your love for yourself.

Don't ponder it so much and be assured that you will continue to live life with pride, standing upright (sometimes limping and perhaps crawling). Remember find strength when needed alongside the people who love you, help those others who are victims of the disaster who go unnoticed (you know who they are) and find peace knowing there are still those you don't know who can help you and even love you as well.

............think about it............

Answer 3

It is very hard I know. I have been divorced for 1 year and 4 months now. I know it is a roller coaster of gut wrenching heartache. I think it is very hard when they have cheated because it is such a betryal. It is hard for your mind to accept that a person you loved so much could do that to you. I am not proud of the fact that I did not always deal with it well. Even now everytime I think I have forgiven the anger comes back. So, you do not get over it over night. I try to stay busy and I think of what I have and not what I have lost. I am very sorry you are in this painful situation. Hang in there it doesn't totally go away right away but, I can tell you it gets better.

Answer 4

Your moving on already.....by filing for a divorce. That's a good start. You will encounter trials and tribulations during the transition. It wont be easy either starting over with three children. In the long run your life will be better and richer for doing it. Forget him and think of you and your children. Make that a priority in your life. Eventually, the pain does lesson. I too was married for ten years. Sounds to me like your going through a lot of what I went through myself. Keep your chin up high and remember that.....you can do this. As painful as it is right now, you will survive.

Answer 5

Sorry about your situation. My ex had an affair with her supervisor than got a promotion to supervisor herself (she wasn't that good). She finally divorced me and moved out. I wanted to see if we could make it work for the kids but she just wanted to live alone. I loved her until I relized that she had none of the qualities left I loved anymore. She was self serving, mean, and down right hateful toward me. So if she didn't liked me anymore it was her loss not mine. We got two kids but she work nights and I days so nothing has changed there. She don't relize what is important. She put so much into her job that she neglects the time she gets to spend with her kids. Once again her loss. She don't even know what she is missing. I wish you luck. Just hang there. It does get better.

Answer 6

Keep busy and be around a lot of friends. You are going to have times when you are depressed and angry, but don't dwell on it, find something to do. Join a class with your children, volunteer at the hospital, get a new hair cut, go on vacation, go out dancing, and remember you don't have to be alone to be lonely. Its a long hard road, but when you get to the end of it, it is really worth it. Just start everyday with the thought that "today is the first day of the rest of your life". Good luck to you, be strong and take the SOB to the cleaners, get a good lawyer and take every penny you can get!

Answer 7

I hope you didn't know he was cheating for two years and chose to stay with him. Don't blame the other woman the blame is solely your husbands. He's the one who broke his marriage vows.

You move on by knowing he has a life with someone else and your job now is to be a good mother to your children by showing them how strong and together you are. The anger and hurt will go away day by day a little at a time.

Answer 8

After I found out that my husband of five years cheated on me with the neighbor, I left. I had hoped for us to get back together, he only stringed me along for awhile. I decided to make a change in my life. I change my haircut and hairstyle, I got a new type of job, I hung-out at new places and met new friends. About six months later I met the true love of my life and we have been together for 7 years now and plan to marry next spring!

Answer 9

when you find out email me the answer. My husband of seven years moved to an apartment with his whore last month. I have not gotten to the divorce part yet. Not sure I will I like making her and him suffer. If she want his sorry *** shes going to have to wait till I say she can truely have him. I also havent gotten past the anger and revenge stage yet either LOL

Answer 10

I feel for you hun. When I found out my soon to be ex cheated on me several times, I reached a point where I am willing to let him go. I loved him that much to let him seek the happiness he was looking for. To me, there is no point in holding on to him. It would be like not wanting to throw out a rotten egg. The egg will rot even worse and it affects u.

Life is worth more than him. Thank God you have 3 kids to evolve your life with. Channel your energies towards yourself ( it is time you love yourself more ) and your 3 lovely kids. Dont allow any empty moments to bring you back to the bad memories of him and his doings. Dont ever discount yourself for not being the wife he wants you to be. You ARE you. If he cannot accept for who you are, then it is his loss.

Keep busy, rekindle old or find new friendships and give more love to people close to you. They would love to receive it and hopefully, you will receive the love you need to grow and be strong.

My prayers for you too hun......