Why do people act so ignorant when it comes to special needs children?

Question

My daughter is on oxygen and monitors. She is eight and a half months old. I absolutly hate it when some one says "What's wrong with her" In my eyes there is nothing wrong with her. God gave me this "special needs child" and she is perfect. I usually just look at them and say "nothing, she just needs extra oxygen". What I really want to say is "nothing, what's wrong with you". Anybody else have this trouble?

Answer 1

I do not have a child with special needs, however, I am a speech therapist in a school for children with special needs. We run into this problem of ignorance from the public all the time. They talk in front of our children like they are stupid and cannot hear and say ignorant and hurtful things. They stare, they point and they run in another direction. I have had people pick their kids up and leave beaches and parks like our kids have some sort of disease. Unfortunately, we cannot do much about the stupid people in the world, so we try and teach our children that the problem is with the other people and not them. I hope all is well with your daughter and it might not be a bad response to say:
"nothing, what's wrong with you". Good luck and God bless!

Answer 2

no but iam really sorry people are so ignorant to what really hurts you. "special needs children" are a concern in everyones heart but it is like seeing a boy with down syndrome, you try not to look but sometimes it is hard, and i say that being an adult. But i couldnt imagine how it would feel being a parent of a child that draws so much attention, a feeling of "abnormal" for your baby. Maybe the people do not realize the hurt in your heart or the anger when they ask and it would not be wrong of you to say "i would rather not say" or even "it is no ones business".. Keep doing what you are doing and be proud of your little fighter and iam sure she is beautiful and your outcome will be even more> I wish i could see her and i would not ask a thing about her "special needs" Good luck to you and your sweetie!!!:)

Answer 3

u know i see alot of those people. when i delivered my twins premature and after i brought them home i got too upset from too many people cause they kept saying omggggg they are so tinyyyyyyy. that bothered me alot.even if they were tiny they shouldnt say cause that made me feel bad, i understand what u r going though and i feel bad about ur daughter but im sure she will get to a day she wont need the oxygen any more and u wont hear anybody saying ((whats wrong with her)).. ignore those people and let ur daughter is the first thing u think about . good luck and i hope she feels better soon.

Answer 4

But people cannot see through your eyes. Perhaps you could help them too, though, by explaining a little of how and why your child need the monitors and the oxygen. By talking about it you may find that people might care a bit more. You sound a bit stressed about this, maybe talking about it would help you too.

Answer 5

My brother is 30 and severely retarded. The staring and comments will never end. I don't mind when small children do this, as they are so curious and do not know any better. Anyone over the age of 10 needs to have a parent explain to them that this is rude. I just stare right back at them and make them feel uncomfortable. I think adults are the worst. Best of luck!

Answer 6

People become uncomfortable around special needs children. Maybe they think that asking a question like that would make them appear to be somewhat comfortable in that situation. People do silly things when they become uncomfortable. I've worked in a hospital so I have gained an understanding and a comfort level, but I remember when I was younger I would get very uneasy around anyone who was handicapped, had an O2 tank etc. Who knows.

Answer 7

My twins were born 12 weeks early and my daughter came home on oxygen and monitors. Same kinds of things happen to us. I really hate it when people say things like "I'm so sorry for you!" I started telling them I feel lucky to have such wonderful children gifts from God! Don't let what strangers say get to you. Best of luck and God bless!

Answer 8

Not exactly this, but as an adoptive parent of a child from another race, living in foreign country populated by generally insensitive people, I get a lot of remarks like, Are you her mother? and Hey, she's not the same color as you! People just say what comes into their heads without any understanding of your context. I hate people making stupid remarks, but I think your response is best--just deflect the idiocy and go on with your life. Your child is fortunate to have a mom who can accept her special needs and love her for who she is.

Answer 9

I'm guilty. I have asked a Mother a similar question, but in my deffense, it was after casualing talking - not our first dialogue. The reason I asked was truly out of sincere concern, not judgement or pity. I wanted to allow the Mother to share what she was going through, and offer to pray for her and her child.

I definitely think some people ask out of curiosity or ignorance, like rubber-necking; which could be offensive in my opinion.

Bottom line is, God blessed you with a wonderful baby girl and He knew you were the right one for the job!

Answer 10

I think people are trying to show concern and support and just choose a way to ask that bothers you, and I can see why it would. Our children are perfect to us. You have a wonderful chance to educate people and let your positive attitude show. I think your answer is wonderful, but don't assume people are being mean. Maybe they are ignorant, meaning, they just don't know. Many people aren't exposed to special needs children. God Bless you and your child. He obviously knew what he was doing when he gave you this special gift.