Why get married these days?

Question

These days you have a better chance of surviving a shark attack than having a marriage that lasts more than 5 years. Everyone I know has been divorced at least once, including my parents. In 6 months I'll be one of those statistics. Why take the risk knowing that things could change and you two will no longer love each other. And worse yet, there's child custody battles ahead and each party trying to take what the other has broken his/her back to earn for x amount of years. It's like saying "Please get tired of me, ***** me out for every little thing, have affairs, take my kids so that they don't know who the hell I am, and take everything I've ever earned." It's like trying your hand at vegas, the house always wins. Love obviously doesn't last forever, unless it's 'blood-based.' Why get married?

Answer 1

Before I got married all of my married friends told me the same exact thing. Of course I didn't listen. But now, As a married person myself. I pass on this O so powerful advice to all whom are not married.

" DON'T DO IT !!!!!!! "

Answer 2

That is exactly how I see it and I am not ever getting married because of it. I have a 1 year old son and I am with his daddy who is always pressuring me to marry him, but I won't and never will. Our relationship is already falling apart as it is. The way I see it, there won't be no divorce and no custody dispute when we do separate because we aren't married. I'm sorry you are in this situation. All people want to do is love and keep loving, but it doesn't work now days. My grandparents were married for over 50 years and I have no idea how they done it. I guess the vows of marriage actually meant something when they got married. It just don't anymore. My mom and dad divorced when I was 8 and my sister divorced after 8 years of marriage and 3 kids, my brother divorced after 5 years of marriage and 1 kid, and is now in yet another custody dispute. I've seen so much divorce in my life and I hate the effect it has on a person. You will unfortuantly probably never get over this, but you have to move on. Just never get married again.

Answer 3

It sounds like you have had your share of bad luck. I think if you fall in love again you should have a pre-nuptial agreement so you have some peace of mind. The reason for marriage is that it benefits society. Married women are far less likely to end up below the poverty line and it is in the best interests of children to have an intact family. The government gives a marriage tax break for this very reason. It also sets a good example to children about family. Remember the adults are the role models for the children's future. Marriage is the very foundation of society, because as the family goes, so goes the society. I truly hope you have much better luck next time, you might think about counseling so you can see if you have a repeating pattern of choosing the same type person. I realized that I had different relationships, but it was as if I kept choosing the same guy. I changed my pattern and I've been happy for a long time now. I hope you feel happy again soon!

Answer 4

Why get married? You get married because you have taken enough years to get to know this person. You respect and love them on a level that is beyond comprehension.. You are attracted to them and they show you the love, respect and intimacy as much as you do.. You don't fight and argue on a regular basis and you discuss everything all the time..
When you have this kind of relationship with someone, it usually doens't change when you get married..
The people setting the bad statistics are the people that meet and get married 3 months later when they know absollutely nothing about the other person.. You really do have to invest the time in someone to get to know them well.. If they are the right person, you will know.. And when all that time passes and you decide to get married, your time invested will make your appreciate and respect each other that much more.. Try not to feel so negative. Surround yourself with some long term married couples and they will give you a reaosn to see why marriage is a good thing!

Answer 5

There is nothing wrong with marriage, it's the immaturity and lack of commitment of the individuals involved. I would guess that your wife is a classic example of someone who really made no commitment to you or the marriage.
People get married thinking lust and "wonderful" feelings are what love is. All that is infatuation, not love. Love is making sacrifices for the other, putting the relationship ahead of personal feelings, putting up with tough times and "sticking with it", seeing the children as important members of the family whose well-being actually needs to be considered before you leave someone, seeing your spouse as the one you made irrevocable vows to in spite of the fact that they have annoying habits and idiosyncrasys, putting up with loss and disappointment and staying anyway.
How many people these days do you think are mature enough to make a commitment with this in mind? People today think that "If it doesn't make me feel good all the time and I don't get the immediate results I want, than I should lose this loser."
I'm not talking about staying with someone who knocks you around either. No one needs to take that kind of abuse.
That's one major reason why people live together instead of marrying, because if they get really annoyed they can just walk out--what's the difference--they can easily find some one else to play house with.
If you want a marriage that lasts than you have to find someone with depth, integrity, and an ability to commit. I can tell you, though, that kind of person isn't necessarily going to be "hot", and you won't be able to take them home from the local bar for a "one night stand." You need to look in places where such persons hang out and you need to do some evaluating before you ask them to marry you.

Answer 6

Well my friend, marriage is not just about love. It is also about trust, respect and commitment. And sacrifices too. If a person is not ready to loose hir/her independence then he/she should't get married. After getting married one has to stop thinking just about himself/herself and starting thinking about the partner. If both the partners think that way then there won´t be any reason for the marriage to end.

A marriage can survive without love but without trust and respect and sacrifices it can´t.

Everything changes with time so do marriages. You can´t expect to feel the same, after 5 years, what you felt on the first day. With time and responsibilities things changes. If the love was real it won´t change, only the expression of love will change. You see people divorced around you but you can see people living happily married life too.

Answer 7

I agree with what you are saying. Most marriages these days do not last, I am one of the statistics. However, we really can't go on the rest of our lives worrying will it or won't it last, we can't be afraid of what is going to happen, nor can we be afraid of feeling love because of what we have been through in the past. We should just go with the flow, have a good time, enjoy any relationship that is bringing us the happiness we deserve, take one day at a time instead of planning for the future. Whatever was meant to happen, will happen. Believe it or not, there are marriages that do last, yours and mine just weren't meant to. Maybe the next one will. I'm hoping the justifiable anger it sounds like you are feeling right now subsides sometime in the near future, so that you can start enjoying your life again. Good luck!

Answer 8

Bless your heart! I totally understand what you're saying. It's an awesome point. I think there IS a cure!!!

I believe it's in responsibility and accountability. VIRTUALLY NO ONE takes enough responsibility in their relationship to look at important issues and address them. SO MANY PEOPLE get married for reasons OTHER than what should really be the reason: Partnership, companionship, friendship and love. Now it's cause "my kids need a dad" or "my mom wants grandkids, my friends are getting marrtied, i want a house, i'm not secure enough in myself to be alone, i'm scared of being alone, i feel whole when I have someone, i think my guy/girl is really hot" . Need I go on? That's what's going on in the human brain. It's bull ****. We need to step up and say "Can I live with this person for ever and DO THE WORK ON MYSELF-NOT HIM/HER in order to have the best relationship possible that we are capable of having???? AM I GOING INTO THIS EXPECTING TO CHANGE HIM/HER??? Most people are. It's natural. But it's why we fail. So it's up to us. It's up to us to do the work on ourselves BEFORE and AFTER we're married.

If we don't do the work before, that's when we end up making BAD choices and we get royally screwed over. make sense?

When I got engaged, I told my fiancee that we were going to couples counseling for at least 6 sessions and we ended up going for over a year cause it was so beneficial. Now I am totally equipped for marriage, IF that's what I choose. I know that I have chosen a great man BUT there are always going to be issues and if I can't live with those issues, use the tools I've learned to work on problems, communicate, create boundaries and so on, then marriage is not for me. It's about establishing those core values and boundaries right from the start and making the consequences really clear. Ask a MILLION questions when you're dating such as "how do you want to raise children? do you believe in investing? where do you want to retire? how do you feel about Holidays and visiting family? how do you feel about in laws? how do deal with friends that might come onto you? how would you handle a death in the family? what would you do if you lost your job?" ALL these things are things that people NEVER ask and then they wonder why they're divorced........

Stay strong.

Answer 9

You have obviously had a bad experience and are bitter and jaded about marriage, with good reason I'm sure. Although I too am divorced and raising two boys alone, I still believe in true love. Call me a fool, but all I need to do is look at my parents to see it. The difference is the times, of course, but something else too. They married young but had lots and lots in common. Religion, nationality, income level, morals, traditions, etc. Growing up i didn't realize how important that way. I married a man who was very different than I am. His family had lots of money; mine didn't. He was raised with no religion; ours was strict Catholic. My family was big and close; his small and distant. I didn't realize until I started to date my boyfriend now how important all that is. We come from similar backgrounds and understand each other perfectly. Keep looking honey and remember that although opposites might attract, they soon repel (one another!)

Answer 10

Love and marriage is what you and the other person make it . don't let the bad experiences of others take away your hope or desire for a happy health marriage.I know it's hard, because i don't know to many happily married people either. but they do exists, marriage is a good thing family is a good thing. Aspire to have those things in your life and keep god first.