My future husband and his mother! Help!?

Question

I have another question concerning my fiance and his mother! The three of us had just gotten out of the pool and he went to go shower. He was in the bathroom naked and his mother went in there with him and shut the door. I opened the door and looked in because that kind of stuff weirds me out! He was naked getting in the shower and she was undressing using the toilet! I just slammed the door and walked out! It was majorly disgusting to see the man I am having sex with naked in the bathroom with his own mom! And I had just offered him to take a shower with me and just seeing that kind of killed the mood. I haven't been able to get this out of my head it is so weird. I keep thinking that its not healthy to be THAT close to your own mom, especially when you are 23 and a man! I actually think that they like it and they say "thats just what we do", and it makes me feel uncomfortable. Am I being crazy or what. I feel so paranoid lately. Left out when it comes to the 2 of them doing things.

Answer 1

well let me think here... I am just realy not sure if this is all that weird or not.. well ok, kinda so. but let me inform you of just a little something. I have a great relationship with my boys, 3 of them. they are grown now but still..... I dont and never have gone as far as the story you tell about him and mom but I have never been shy nor my boys about running around 1/2 naked, notice I said 1/2, not fully ??? and they will go to the bath room and leave the door open, but I have never gone in while they, ummm, went or took bathes....... there is a thing called respect of privacy !!! but, some families are just that comfortable around each other.. his mom has changed diapers and powdered his bottom, and if they have just always been open about their bodies , then what you discribe is only weird to those who dont have that relationship inside the family... I know there are families that go to far, and it leads to abuse and other problems... talk to mom and to him and see what vibes ya get from them.... if you are planning to marry this man you have the rights and all the privilages that go with that tittle !!! get to talking... be open and honest about the way you feel.... good luck and God bless

Answer 2

Was the shower curtain closed or open? Did they actually see eachother? I'll be in the shower sometiemes and if someone else has to use the bathroom then fine - I just shut the curtain. That part's not really all that weird.

It's a little strange but then again everyones family dynamic is different.. My husband took a shower with his little brother (he's 7) and I thought it was weird .. plus his little brother and little sister used to take showers together when the boy was 6 and she was 12..

My husband used to share a bed with his sister until he was about 13 and then she shared a bed with his brother too until she was about 11.. Today - the 13 year old and the 9 year old sleep in the same room with their parents..

I think it's weird but that's just how they are.. It's a small apartment with 2 bedrooms and one bathroom.. So that's just how they grew up - There wasn't enough room for privacy.

We still live with them (he's 21 now) and sometimes he would walk around naked or in a towel and that's just normal for them..

How did you husband grow up ? Was it in cramped spaces? Is he by any chance of a different culture than yours? That might explain it .. For example my husband's Mexican and I've noticed all his relatives also share bedrooms and the adults live at home much longer than in American families..

Anyway he may have been raised like that from a very young age - you should ask him about it. If he's been doing that his whole life - to him its normal and he has no idea why your weirded out!

Answer 3

Let me be really clear for you and I hope that you remember this when it comes up in therapy later on in life....unless you close this chapter and start a new.....

It is absolutely disgusting AND it is absolutely dysfunctional. Mother's should not undress in front of their children after the age of three. Period. Read any psychology book, parenting book, whatever. It's dysfunctional.

Now here is the important part. Role reversal-meaning when parent becomes child and child becomes parent usually starts around 30ish so your fiancee is still in "child" mode with his mother. Your fiancee is 23? It's going to be a while before you start seeing ALL the problems of this but believe me, there will be problems, and very serious ones. Issues that are deep rooted in sexual hangups (which is precisely what this behavior causes) won't start surfacing for a few more years with your fiancess but I can bet I can predict what they will be:

By the time he;s about 25 to 26, he's going to be heavily active in porn, by the time he's about 29 to 30, he's going to be into child porn and possibly internet sites that advertise swinging and other obscure sexual behavior. WHY? Because his mother never established boundaries with him that are CRUCIAL as a child and as a result, he will not understand proper sexual boundaries that create intimacy. Rather, sexual boundaries will only be what he feels he wants to be into.

He does not understand what's going on and that's why he says "IT'S JUST WHAT WE DO". He can't comprehend that his Mother has let him down severly by not having common sense to create proper boundaries.

Unfortunately, there is VERY little hope in these types of situations. Sexual issues are virtually impossible to correct, change or acknowlege because they are so extremely personal and it isn't something that you can socially adapt to. It's all done behind closed doors.

I'm sorry to paint a negative picture but psychologically, that is the reality of the situation. You can go to a therapist and talk to them about it,,,,they will tell you the exact same thing. You might want to do that. It's worth the 100$

Answer 4

Ok, calm down, take a deep breath. They were not making out or anything! Some people are just more open about being naked. They probably just realize that his mom has seen him naked since he was a little boy. They probably dont think twice about it. I suggest that you talk to your man about it. Let him know that it bothers you, and he may avoid the situation next time.

Answer 5

Now that is what you could say is a close relationship between Mother and Son, I would not want any part of it. I don't believe that is the norm as I have a grown son and never would I go in the bathroom while he is in there unless fully dressed. Weird is not the word for it. I would think again before getting into this family.

Answer 6

Sometimes when you are raised in an open family where nudity is as natural as having breakfast, it carries into who you are. I grew up seeing my family in the nude and shared bathrooms with them. No big deal! It is just a different way than you were raised. If you love him, do it unconditionally. Don't put terms and provisions on his lifestyle. There is nothing sexual about the relationship with him and his mother, they are just comfortable in their own skin. After all, every single human being on the planet has male or female genitalia. The only difference is size, shape and color.

Answer 7

hi Sarah, i'm a psychiatrist and that i manage those with bizarre addictions. I had a shopper 2 years in the past with the comparable form of subject so i'm able to relate ask him right here questions: a million. Is he depressed? 2. Does he admits he has a topic? 3. Has he had a prior habit? like drugs, Alcohol, prescription pills in keeping with possibility with the aid of fact of that he had to locate a clean yearning something that should fulfill with out doing something risky to his physique. 4. Does he or his family individuals have a historic previous of psychological ailment? this is a ingredient besides. My advice placed off the marriage and get him into an in depth habit midsection for non-rehab addicts in case you adore him save on being supportive attempt to set targets for him. And if he succeeds those targets provide him small rewards. it might make an effort to confirm consequences, so which you could wait and notice. I propose you tell him him that your preggers besides. undergo in recommendations your no longer the only one coping with this subject I had quite a few women over the previous 5 year telling me of the comparable subject it is not as uncommon as you think of. good luck to you, your toddlers and your fiancée. carry in there

Answer 8

Girl! Get out of that relationship! Any man that can be in the same room naked with his mother, and her getting undressed, is just way out there weird. There is defintely something wrong! Children should not see their parents naked, and vise-versa when the children reach the age of bathing themselves! Your guy is grown and that is just WRONG!

Answer 9

Not good, if you really think there's a real chance for a future together, ask him to go to pre-marital counseling with you. If he refuses to go, explain how very uncomfortable their behavior makes you. If it isn't settled now, it'll be a lot worse when you are married!

Personally, I don't think I would marry a man who has this extreme degree of intimacy with his own Mom, or with any other woman; but especially his mother. Ask him and his mom if it's o.k. if you go pee while his dad is showering!

Answer 10

I understand where you're coming from. My ex & his mom are the same way & I think that it's normal now because of being around them i learned that He could come to her about anything & it honestly just shows how open of a relationship he has w/ her.