my 14 year old daughter wants to go camping in an exposed area with friends that I know are drinking and?

Question

sleeping with each other....i trust my daughter, but am not comfortable with letting her go...... what are your views

Thank you for your comments, for the record I have no intentions of letting her go, I needed to let her know that I wasnt the only one that felt so strongly against it, you know what teenagers are like, wont listen to their mothers!!! Thanks all for the back up, shes reading your comments, and( hopefully) taking it in!!!!

To the person accusing me of being immature... I have NOT pretended to let her go, I have told her catagorically from the start, she was not going. I trust her, but am not willing to put her in potentially dangerous situations, and as many people have commented, the peer pressures amongst teenagers are enormous, this as well is what I wanted her to understand.

So am I being immature by allowing an adult discussion, with her knowledge, to show her that I am not trying to be unreasonable, but lots of like minded, caring parents, and teenagers themselves (apart from the minority) think the way I do and that I am not trying to spoil her fun, but that I care enough about her to try to protect her and advise her.

I though this forum was about sharing thoughts and experiences, and if by asking peoples thoughts on a continuing argument that I am having with my daughter is immature, well I think you've missed the point a bit, dont you?!!!!

Answer 1

dont let her go if u feel uncomfortable at the end of the day ur her mother

Answer 2

My daughter is only 2, so I have no idea about teenagers yet, however, I can't imagine letting a 14 yr old of either sex do this kind of thing. I'd say no, missy, you jolly well can't. It's less a case of trusting her, more a case of not knowing whether or not you can trust the other kids, and not knowing what might happen if your daughter gets drunk. Having said that......when I was 14 on an exchange trip to France I got up to all sorts of mischief, and survived unscathed.

Answer 3

I think that whatever you say, you must stick with, which seems to be your view. I do not have children, but with a view to giving you as wide a viewpoint as possible here is what I think.

You will always have to make sure as far as possible that she is in an environment that you are happy with, but children of this age and upto 18 (and beyond) will be rebelling. At first at you, when they get older, at everyone, but mainly you and governmental institutions.

The only thing you can hope-for is that you have brought-up an intelligent and free thinking daughter who does not have to follow the masses and is capable of making intelligent decisions, for this reason, I think, whatever decision you make, you should share your reasoning with her so that she can develop her own standards and yardsticks and realise that your mandate is based on values, not juts "from above".

That is my thought. Good luck. (I know that some answers are really bad, I have the same problem).

Answer 4

Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind.

You might feel mean for spoiling the fun, and she could go and have a whale of a time and behave impeccably. But you are her parent and you need to protect her. I say if any doubt in your mind the answer's no. If anything happened you would never forgive yourself. When your daughter grows up she will respect your decision.

There may be a halfway measure - could she go and spend the evening with them but not stay over - or go and meet them the next day?

Answer 5

No

How exposed? I take it we are not talking local park.

Alcohol is more the danger then prematurely sexually active couples...

Also, ok unlikly to have a hocky mask, a machette and go by the name of Jason Vorhees... But what happens if some psycho, bullies, or if in the US a bear etc comes along? can they handle it? can they fight. That may mean all the way. Ie if on own in exposed place may involve having to kill.

Teenagers WILL go campling, with alcohol and have sex...

Like you didn't given half the chance but that would be in 2-3 years time when she has more experince, confidence and maturity.

The alcohol will have a much stronger effect on 14 year olds then it would on 17 year olds. Leading to sexual things going out of control and beyond what she is ready for. Maybe aggression or injuries... not so good when an ambulance is not a 5minute 911/999 call away.

At 14 its should be more first boyfriends, first dates, lots of support from mum when it all goes wrong and boy was a jerk or she dumps him and hearts broken etc.


You should say that you trust her and that you know she is going to do things like that when a little older as most people do...


This gives you honestly and realistic points.

You can say that you remeber things like that going wrong with friends.


That its not your daughter you don't trust but when the guys get drunk... can she fight them off and handle them when they loose it or push her into more stuff then she wants...


If she thinks she can tough love time... make her prove it...

Physically pin her down aggressively or get dad or other guy to do it and she if she could fight back or look after drunk friends...

Does she know the right first aid for that and various other drugs...


Ie don't approach it from a moral approach. but be honest in why you are worried and don't think she is ready.


Also its an exposed area... how smart are her mates say if one of them is injured, possibly seriously.


Is she good at problem solving under pressure and are her friends? Can she do what's necessary?


Its when you can handle all of that that you are ready. Not a set age its just unless they grew up in the 'bush' most kids are not so hot at handling that.


Its diferent in say a festival.

Yes there is sex, tents and alcohol.


But also stewards, lots of other folk, first aid, security, stall holders, people who for the most part will help out.

But you said 'exposed area' not the local park or a festival so they would be on their own.

So the rule should be if someone 'older' (does not hyave to be very old', does not have to be a boring saint. Could even be a party animal.

But the kind that is mature enough to keep things under control, make sure nobody gets out of hand, nobody is pushed into doing anything they don't want and if something goes wrong can handle it.

Hopefully that should help...

Your kid WILL grow up and do those things... she is only human.

But what matters is she is ready or there is someone to look after them.

Ie you do trust her. but dont recon she can handle things... So teach her to the point where she can prove she is ready.

What would be a good negotiating point would be that this time its too early as she is not ready. But what you will do is teach her and train her to be ready... ie the first aid, how to handle drunk mates, fight, survive in the wild etc. Starting now.



As for the sex bit...

Well you just had a wake up call... time you got real open and discussed ALL the ways she can get pregnant not just what she learnt in sex ed...

ie standing up, first time, on period, deff if guy pulls out before he 'finishes' especailly as guys that age last seconds and have no control on top of the pre seimin, spalshes, spills, all myths etc.

Including use condom, good, then when guy takes off said condom fingers rub against willy now has coated fingers, then couple continue 'messing around with 'coated fingers' that have not been washed.


Get the picture? As that lot is how teenagers who think they know whats what and we all learned it in class cringe cringe become mums.

If you think she is likly to be getting sexaully active, take her down to the docs YOURSELF and see she gets depro injections (ie no pills to forget as slept in sat morning after the party on fri.

And hand her the condoms YOURSELF and make her practice using them so no 'learning from mistakes you have to by nappies/diapers' for.


Ie in all be proactive, practical, REALISTIC, HONEST, and fair.

Answer 6

You are not comfortable about it for a good reason. As good as our kids are, there are always the other ones to worry about.
Also, if you let her go, knowing what is going on, you are giving your daughter your unspoken approval for the inappropriate activities.
Sorry, but 14 is too young to be going on a mixed sex overnight campouts.
My experience has shown that the more kids are around inappropriate behavior, the more accepting they become of it and start to think it might not be that bad.

Answer 7

If you did let her go, even if you trusted her, and even if she didn't willingly do anything, you are putting her in a situation that could bring harm to her from the others that obviously have no morals. Don't let her go. (And if you know that they do these things, and you let her hang around with them at all, how are you so sure that your little angel isn't participating? It's unusual to have one person sit outside the group while everyone else is doing these things.)

Answer 8

If there is any doubt in your mind whatsoever I would say no don't let her go. Even if she doesn't get involved in the drinking and such (and she more than likely will even if its just because of peer pressure) should anything else happen all her friends will be to drunk to help. Personally I wouldnt let her go if she was mine and I have girls.

Answer 9

all i have to say is my friend went camping with her family and her 15 year old daughter meet a guy up there and the 2 of them got pretty into grazing amongst areas no condom but he didn't go in her the reason i know this is her daughter is very open with me i'm 26 with a 3 yr old boy and i'm married but after her telling me that crazy **** i would make sure your daughter is very open with you wish you luck not saying that would happen but just talk with her first

Answer 10

I wouldn't let her go. It's not if you trust her it's if you trust the other people there as it's situations like that where young girls get raped, it only takes one drunk guy (more likely be a few though). It's happened to two of my friends when they were young and went to similar parties.

Answer 11

Are you serious???? 14 years old, camping, sleeping together while drinking???? Yeah, it's not about trusting your daughter, it's about trusting EVERYONE that's there. She could be taken advantage of, and if that happens, it would be YOUR fault for letting her go. NEVER let kids make adult decisions, they will end up getting raped, or even pregnant. HELLOOOOOO...don't you watch the news????