at 16 my son stole a 4 wheeler & a ring..he stole money out of my debit acct,&charged 8,000on my credit card.

Question

He admitted he was on drugs and I took him to a psychiatrist for help and to see if I couldn't get him into re-hab. He didn't want to go, and he also didn't go to the next psychiatrist meeting. He then stole approx 4,000 from my brother, because he knew we would never turn him in to law, and see him go to prison. He got invoved with selling pot, I think that's all,,, and finally he skipped town to avoid the law. He is now 29 and lives several miles away. He has straightened out, but still trys to scam which is going going to get him into trouble. He will no longer speak to me or my brother, and every day I feel so guilty....I'm depressed, and feel as if my life has just come to an end. It seems as if there is always blame for somebody elses behavior,,,,and inwardly I've taken it all. Do you think all of his problems were all of my fault...the moms????

Answer 1

I dont think you should be blaming yourself.Your son put himself in this and needs to see that the only way he is going to get out of this is GET HELP.Seems to me you are doing the best that you could do as a mother and he doesnt see it.I hope that he doesnt have kids and they turn out like this.Maybe it will take him going to prison to see that this is not a life for him to live.He is a grown man and needs to see that his mother is trying to help him out.If he isnt talking to you ,then just let it be and one day he will come to see that he will need his mother.I wish you the best of luck and hope that you and your son can come to start talking and have a relationship again.Good Luck and God Bless...

Answer 2

You never mentioned a male-father-figure in his life. Where was the father through all this? While there are those who would preach that children don't "need" a father to help explain what's good behavior to a male child, I'm one to disagree. If anyone should be blamed for the wrong paths your child took, it should be the absent sperm-donor.

It is my suspicion that if you had forcibly placed him in rehab (you do not need a doctor's recommendation in most states) -- or even gone so far as to contact the authorities for his illicit behavior (its referred to as "tough love"), your son might have seen better days sooner. As it is now, your son has begun his own life and is (hopefully) straightened out to some level of acceptable human behavior...although you say he still is a scam artist - which is never good on any level.

I'm sorry to hear that you have no communication with your son, but I sincerely hope you do still talk to your brother. Regardless of how other people may look at it, both of you have been victimized by this person, regardless of relationship.

You need to consider getting yourself into counseling now and get some help with trying to move on with your life. You are the one you need to worry about, not your "son" (whom I would consider a distant relative at best at this point, if I were you). It is unfortunate that things have come to this point; and sometimes it cannot be blamed on anything but just the way things are. You did your best, I'm sure, with raising your child. And I am saddened to know that things worked out so poorly for you and your brother.

Please consider counseling - and maybe even getting your brother involved with you (family/group sessions).

Answer 3

Certainly not... His problems have arisen for a lot of reasons but the bottom line is that they are and always will be HIS problems.

Although you must take responsibility for your past, for those mistakes that you may have made with regards to his upbringing, you were not the sole director of his behavior and choices and you were not the only one to influence him one way or another. Get it into its proper perspective and stop "killing yourself" over the past.

Now, (and I mean right now - today,) you're faced with your own problems... depression and guilt are two you've identified within the question you've posted above. It's time for you to seek some real help for yourself, if you haven't already taking care of that. If i were in your shoes, I'd see a professional counselor right away... you'll be glad you did.

ZZZZ r u randy? ZZZZ

Answer 4

Did you hold a gun to his head and MAKE him steal the 4 wheeler and ring? Did you MAKE him charge $8K on your credit card? Now, has he repaid the money he charged on your credit card? Has the law caught up with him now? Are you feeling guilt because you did not turn him in to the law? It sounds like he may be bipolar and may have been using the drugs to self-medicate. Maybe he has gotten help. You need to rethink your situation. Cut out the guilt trip and have a serious talk with your son.

Answer 5

No there is no way to know how your kid is going to turn out. It isn't your fault. You did nothing wrong. However I do think that you should have turned him in. It would've been a good way to teach him that he is not a spoiled brat and if you had turned him in then he would know that you really do care about him. Prison isn't a good thing but if he had gone then prison might have helped him and showed him that if his mom sends him to prison then anyone can. It would've helped him straighten out. It's not your fault but I think you should have turned him in and although you didn't i still respect you and your decission. Yes he is your son and you do love him so i respect you. Mad Props woman Mad Props

Answer 6

Hey, i think that you did the right thing. You tried to make him a little bit better and that is indeed an act of love from a mother to his son. He may not speak to you, buen you have to believe in your heart tht you did good, that if you didn't do those things he would have not straighten up. So, trust your heart, love your son and try to keep track of him just in casa you need eachother. Good lucl and im sure youre an excelen mom.

Answer 7

No, it is not your fault. He is an adult. A drug rehab would have been a appropriate for him to go. He know better between right and wrong. If he does not speak to you then it is his loss. It is rather hard to reach them in the age they are now. Who knows he may still change, Pray to god and hope someday he may surprise you with a call saying he is sorry for all the pain he had caused you.

Answer 8

Not necessarily, you should have made him go to his psychiatrist or made him go to re-hab. But you left this decision up to him he made his own choices, his own mistakes, he's now living his own life. It is not your fault, you were just trying to be a good mother, just remember he is making his own choices now he's an adult, if he gets into trouble he will pay the price for his miss doings.

Answer 9

**** yes they were! To begin with if I had ever done that my parents would have kicked the **** outta me. And there is no reason to be afraid of them calling social services because who cares? Give them a reason, I say. And another thing...he's 29 get over it. You've done your job. and maybe it wasn't the best you could do but it'd done now. Let him go to prison or jail. It'll either make or break him either way he needs to learn somehow. If I knew who he was I'd slap his ***. Then kick him in the groin.

Answer 10

He may be your child and of course you love him without doubt. He is also responsible for his own actions and is a grown man right now. The best thing you can do for yourself is move on with your life. He has done enough damage in your world. Speak to him when he calls but don't call him. Live your life for yourself because he is only in it for himself.