do u think i should just let this drop?

Question

Me and OH have a silly argument at least once a week over the way he speaks to me. I HATE being told to F*** off or get to F*** etc but to him its just a normal way of speaking to someone.

I think its really disrespectful and a nasty way to speak to someone. I wouldn't speak to any of my friends like that without expecting a slap! His mum and dad (married 30 years very happy) speak to each other like that and to them its just normal so obviously he's picked this up. My mum and dad are very different and if I'd heard my dad using language like that to my mum I'd have been worried!

Thing is he knows it upsets me and has done for 4 yrs now but hasn't stopped. I refuse to be spoken to like that for a quiet life.

Do u think I'm being unreasonable?

Answer 1

You are not being at all unreasonable. If someone tells you they love you more than anyone else, it is completely natural to expect them to respect you more than anyone else as well. Stand your ground on this and tell him you deserve to be treated better. Even if he doesn't see his behavior as insulting, if YOU feel insulted by it, he should see that as reason enough to stop. Caring for you also means caring about your wishes and feelings.

Answer 2

Heavens no you aren't being unreasonable! Blah, blah his parents do it....so what! If he is old enough to have a girlfriend he is old enough to make his own choices about how to behave. You have told him that you don't like it and don't want to deal with it and he does it anyway, that is the epitomy of disrespect, there is no better description of it. This isn't just about the language, this is about the fact that he thinks nothing of making the choice to continue doing things that make you miserable. This speaks volumes about his basic character and the kind of partner he will be through life, is that what you really want? If he does it on this subject he will do it on any subject because that is who he is. If you on the other hand, let him get away with it you will be teaching him that its ok to disrespect you and the stakes will continue being raised until you refuse to tolerate it anymore. You teach people how to treat you and those lessons form the basis for how you will be treated throughout your relationship. So if its not working for you let him know that it isn't and that it simply won't be tolerated and if he continues he's free to try to find another girl that will put up with it, i doubt that he will! Good luck to you!

Answer 3

Absolutely not!! Being spoken to that way is disrespectful and degrading to say the least. How would you feel if you had children with this man and you heard your son speaking this way to a woman? I would be horrified.

I would try saying something again, and express reasons why you feel this way. Ask him to think about your feelings before he speaks to you. Hopefully this will help.

Good Luck!

Answer 4

Oh my dear. You have already answered your own question. You do not have to put up with that from anyone. 4 years is enough time for him to know how you feel. Obviously he doesnt care how you feel and isnt about to change for you or anyone else. You are right in that he learned this from his parents and probably is natural for him to speak like this. But that doesnt mean you have to stick around and be treated in a way you dont like.

Answer 5

It is only normal if one thinks it is. Do you plan on getting married? Do you want children? If so do you want your children raised to think that the F word is a normal house hold word? My answer is to find some one else, because it is very obvious that he does not respect you at all. Get out while you can or quit complaining. Have you discussed this with your parents ?

Answer 6

if you continue to be silent on this he will speak to you in that manner for the rest of your life, or however long you guys are together! Can you see yourself being with him 10 or 15 years down the line, you guys get married and have kids, and he begins to cuzz at and/or in front of the kids! Then they run around talking like that to their friends and family, or adults!
THINK ABOUT THAT!

Answer 7

You are not being unreasonable, you are being unrealistic. To him, vulgarity is the norm and he had a good grounding in it within his family. You have been together four years and he has not changed. Do you seriously expect him to?

Your weekly arguments have become part and parcel of your relationship. You have to look yourself in the eye and ask whether this is how you want it to be, ad nauseam.

Answer 8

Hey, sweetie.....the writing is on the wall for this asshole! If I were you, I would pack up and move on. A more disturbing questions is why have you tolerated it for so long? You must have very low self-esteem. If you stay.......stop whining about how you feel. Why are wasting time argueing anyway? Obviously, this relationship is not working. And, probably many people are going to tell you to "talk" to him.......well, forget that.......it is wasting more time!

Answer 9

No, but here is the thing. He is not going to change because he doesn't see a problem with it. He grew up around this so it's normal to him and you can't change him. He won't change unless he wants to and he doesn't want to because it's normal to him. So pretty much, you have to decide what you are going to do. Either you have to stay with him and accept the fact that he is going to talk to you like this forever, or just move on to someone who will respect you.

Answer 10

No, your not being unreasonable and it is very disrespectful to you..how would he like it if you talked to him that way? And what happens if you ever have kids and he still talks like that? They'll pick it up to. Personally if my boyfriend talked to me like that I wouldn't speak to me until he could speak to me properly.