bdsm/swinging?

Question

Earlier, I asked this: http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=ArKjSj883bnqE23i_yjpxojsy6IX?qid=20060728085404AAiu10X

Now a related question. As I mentioned there we have done some light D/s play (with her as the domme). We have not done anything at all related to swinging. Do you all think it would be better/easier to get into the BDSM scene first and then the swinging scene (BDSM clubs, dungeons, etc)?

I ask because the "transition" into meeting others in the D/s context might not be as jarring since it's something we've already done. Yet the people that are relaly into the D/s scene seem very... intense... (to put it mildly!) and that may have the effect of scaring her off of the whole thing (D/s, swinging, etc).

Any ideas?

Just to clarify -- I know BDSM and swinging are two different things. My overall point is that I"m actually interested in getting more into both. I thought that going to BDSM clubs/parties/etc. would get her comfortable with the idea of being in front of others when we're playing, and that experience would make her more comfortable with, in a different context, exploring swinging.

Answer 1

Having taken a look at your previous question and looking at the one at hand, it seems like the obvious choice is to go where you will already have some of her interests in mind, and that would be the BDSM route.

In terms of the "jarring" imersion into the BDSM world, it all depends on the path chosen. Taking her to a paying club or dungeon is very likely to be a shocking experience. Instead, going the munch path is far better as that is where the REAL D/s is seen. Going to a dungeon, you simply see play going on, which is going to impact one view very heavily. Meeting real people who are into D/s in the context of an everyday-life setting will let you do what is the important thing, getting to know people.

Ultimately, this is what your sexual interests will boil down to. If you are looking to swing, you'll want to know with whom you are swinging. The same holds true in the BDSM world as well. When you interact with a community that you are a part of, it will be very different than something like a one-night-stand. There will still be that intimacy involved as it will be with friends instead of simply dealing with physical urges.

Your girlfriend and you will need to work out how the two of you express your sexuality. The two of you can only go as far as one of you can go. You may never convince her to get into swinging, and you may only stick with light D/s. However, at least you should have the right to communicate with her in regards to how you think and that it is wise for your relationship that she become aware of what you are.

I wish you well in your relationship.

Answer 2

First of all, BDSM and swinging are two different things. There are people who are part of the BDSM lifestyle who swing, but I think you'll find that these are rare. While a Master may share his slave with another, this is done more to demonstrate his power over her. My own Master has told me, more than once, that he fantasizes about watching me being used by a particular kind of man, but again this would be only to show that he can command me to that extent.

That said, since you have some experience with BDSM, I would go further in your explorations of that. Bear in mind, though, that this is not a hobby, but a lifestyle that affects every aspect of a person's life.

Try to find a group that meets in your area, and get involved by attending a munch (gathering), or other event. Talk to others, and observe what they do. Be open to learning what they have to teach you. You can find a good listing of groups around the country at http://www.drkdesyre.com.

Good luck to you.

Answer 3

I would explore your BDSM fascination first. That way you can at least be monogamous at first. I think swinging is more of a potential relationship killer than BDSM.

If clubs are too scary/intense, hire a dominatrix to come over and show her the ropes if you want to get into it more seriously. Read books, chat online with people into BDSM, rent films.

BDSM doesn't have to involve sex--and probably a pro dominatrix wouldn't have sex with you anyway. So that removes the whole swinging question.