need some opinions...?

Question

My husband and I have recently decided to give our marriage another try after being seperated for several months, we seperated because we fought all the time - we fought all the time because I lost all self-worth and confidence in myself and I lost all respect in my husband when he confessed to cheating on me....again. In the three years we've been together he has cheated four times. He also has a hard time expressing his feelings for me so I don't usually feel like he loves me which makes me more insecure but while we were seperated and since getting back together he has shown a lot more effort into making me feel wanted and has not shown any suspicious behavior...except one thing.....I wanted the password to his Yahoo! account to check out what kind of questions he has been asking and answering. I have no intention of going through his e-mail or anything else and he could be right here in the room as I look at his page and he insists he won't do it because he hates me snooping around

I don't see a problem in it if he has nothing to hide and I can't go snooping around his things when he's not here because he has a password on the computer.

Answer 1

If he's cheated on you before he'll probably do it again

Answer 2

Ask him what he's hiding. Be honest with him about your concerns. Tell him that b/c he's cheated on you in the past, you're still having a hard time trusting him... you want to, but it's still hard.

You're both going to have to work at this... you both have to be honest with each other... openness will help... Frankly, hun, he needs to be open with you. If he "hates (you) snooping around" even if he's in the room, I'd be suspicious...

I like the idea of going to the library. If you know his password, you can get into his account just fine... maybe change his password... maybe "answer" one of his questions to let him know that you want to work stuff out, but that he has to work at it too...

I just realized, if you know his answers ID, you wouldn't even have to know his password.. Go to the library, get onto answers, and just below the three tabs- ask, answer,discover, there's the search bar... on the right, there's a link- advance search... see what you can find out.

Good luck, but don't let him use you.

Answer 3

Once a cheater, always a cheater (especially if he has cheated that much). The fact that he won't let you look at his Yahoo! Answers account is a really bad sign that he may be at it again. The whole "snooping" excuse doesn't hold up, since he knows that you have a reason and a right to snoop right now! I'd give this guy the boot before he hurts you again.

Answer 4

If he doesn't have anything to hide I don't understand why he won't give up his password. Be cautious, you have trusted him in the past and got burnt. I would think if he was truly going to make it work with you he wouldn't be hiding out things like his password. He still wants a part of his life to be secret from you. Good luck!

Answer 5

Sounds to me like he has something to hide....go to the library (its free where I live to use the computer) or to a friends house and check his stuff...there should be a way that you can "get" him a new password because "he" lost his....and find out everything that is there...you can look at his answers and question without going signing into his...Good Luck!!!

Once a cheat always a cheat.....always remember that! ^_^

Answer 6

You know what everyone is going to tell you that if he cheated once that he'll cheat again, but I have experienced something different. My boyfriend that I am seeing right now, cheated on his ex-wife and I mean a lot! However, we have been together for a little over a year and he has not cheated on me. Grant it, it might be due to my sexual orientation and how he can bring the ladies in the bedroom if I allow it. However, he could and has had plenty of chances to cheat, but he has not done it or even remotely tried it.

Now in your case it sounds like you are not exactly sure of his commitment to you and your marriage. Here is what you must do. SET BOUNDARIES!!! Make boundaries and keep to them. Tell him that if he is really sure of your marriage working that he will say alright honey. Also tell him that if he will resent you by giving in then he is really not committing. You are the one who is the victim and you deserve the peace of mind by knowing the truth. If he really wants it then he will allow you to help him show areas that he can start proving himself. You have all reason in the world not to trust him or believe him, so now he has to prove himself. Allow him to try proving himself, but also give him ways to prove himself. If you seeing his Yahoo questions and answers will help you in believing him on something then tell him that. Tell him that I am either going to see them or it shows he has no commitment to you and the relationship. Now you don't actually need his password, but you could say. "Honey, could we sit down tonight and go through your Yahoo questions and answers together for my peace of mind?" You could also volunteer to allow him to see your Yahoo questions and answers if it might help ease him. Yes you are entitled to peace of mind but to help him know he is getting somewhere he might feel better seeing your’s as well. This is just a suggestion. Now if he says no then you know your answer for his level of commitment, because in that question you are asking to do it with him and not asking for his password.

If he starts showing improvement and starts proving himself, don’t get to encouraged to start immediately trusting him. You want to keep your guard up for a while because you don’t want to get hurt again. However, you can slowly pick pieces off your guard and allow little things to start improving. Don’t fully hold back or else you are then the one not in the relationship. Maybe go to Waldenbooks and get the 102 things to do for couples book. Then you guys can start rekindling the relationship and making things happen between you that are new and fresh. Also I would suggest you to go get a new photo album and here’s why. Everything the two of you do together from NOW till your die should be placed in there so you can look back. Also write little notes by each piece. For instance you go to the movies, save the stubs and place them in your NEW photo album for your NEW restarted relationship. Because you were separated now you are starting over fresh and you should try to place as much of the past behind you so that away you can love instead of worry.

Try these things and let us know how it goes for you. I hope the best for you. All people deserve to be happy and not worried. Take it easy and stay safe.

Answer 7

Umh fout times?!? Okay this guy my love you being that he is trying to work it out but he still cheated 4 times that is a pattern and doesnt sound like he is really going to stop. You where right to get a sepration but to get back together is questionable. I am all for a husband and wife to work things out if its doable but dont get sucked in to being his toy. If you really dont think you can trust him and he does things that make your self-esteem go down then its time to kick his butt to the curve. Husbands and wives arent supposed to keep things from each other except maybe thier gas. So really its time you but yourself first instead of him and do whats best for you.

Answer 8

He has had how many chances to treat you right? Four? five? He it not going to change. do not take this personaly, it has so very little to do w/ u. He has issues trusting himself, and he has issues knowing what he wants and how to express himself. Find domeone who will be good to u and good 4 u. Someone with less issues, u will be better off alone for awhile and then dating, u will find someone better, and then u will wonder why u didn't do this a long time ago. Good luck!!!!

Answer 9

ok you got to think what you want in a realtenship befor you take him back. do you like to be cheated on?if not why would you say it was ok if he dose...think every time you take him back you are telling him it is ok to cheet..
here let me tell you this "if you wrong me once shame on you. if you wrong me twice shame on me"don't let him do this again, and if he dose know that he needs to learn not to cheat it is not right and he might need your help....That means not going out with him again it might be the only way he learn
ps you want his password because you can't trust him.

Answer 10

cheaters never stop cheating, at least until they are buried. he not be cheating at the moment but he has a guilty conscience. that is why he is hiding info via password. good luck, babe.

Answer 11

Get marriage counseling. If he isn't hiding anything why does he need passwords?