Feeling low...points to who can make me smile?

Question

Hey there, I need a pick-me-up!The music and cookies aren't doing it for me...

I have not had a good week...a major let down from a person that I was not expecting in the begginning of the week. He just shocked and disgusted me. With that hanging I had to go to a family reunion where I had cousins I had not seen in 7 years. They weren't thrilled to see me and my siblings. We tried..
Now I'm babysitting and I just feel icky from the weather and this guys and my family and I need something to make me smile.

Just consider your good deed of the day.

Answer 1

In case your frustration level rises today, this is for everyone
who occasionally has a really bad day when you just need to take
it out on someone:

I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a telephone call that
I had to make. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered
nicely saying, "Hello?"

I politely said, "This is Patrick Hanifin and may I please speak
to Robin Carter?" Suddenly the phone was slammed down on me! I
couldn't believe that anyone could be that rude. I tracked down
Robin's correct number and called her. She had transposed the
last two digits.

After I hung up with Robin, I spotted the wrong number still
laying on my desk. I decided to call it again. When the same
person once more answered, I yelled, "You're a jackass!" and
hung up. Next to his phone number I wrote the word "jackass" and
put it in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks when I was
paying bills or had a really bad day, I'd call him up. He would
answer and I'd yell, "You're a jackass!" It always cheered me up.

Later in the year the phone company introduced caller ID. This
was a real disappointment for me. I would have to stop calling
the jackass. Then one day I had an idea. I dialed his number and
heard his voice. "Hello?"

I made up a name. "Hi. This is the sales office of the telephone
company and I'm just calling to see if you're familiar with our
new caller ID program." He answered, "No!" and slammed down the
receiver. I quickly called him back and said, "That's because
you're a jackass!"

The reason I'm taking the time to tell you this story is to show
you how if there's ever anything bothering you, you can do
something about it. Just dial 555-1212.

(Keep reading, it gets better.)

One day an old lady at the mall was really taking her time
pulling out of her parking space. I didn't think she was ever
going to leave. Finally, her car began to move ever so slowly
and she began backing out. I backed up a little more to give her
plenty of room. Great, I thought, she's finally leaving. All of
a sudden this black Camero came flying up the parking aisle in
the wrong direction and pulled into her space. I started honking
my horn and yelling, "You can't do that, buddy! I was here
first!"

The guy got out of his Camero completely ignoring me. He walked
toward the mall as if he didn't even hear me. I thought to
myself, this guy is a jackass. There sure are a lot of jackasses
in this world. I noticed he had a "For Sale" sign in the back
window of his car. I wrote down the number. Then I hunted for
another place to park.

The next day I was at home sitting at my desk. I had just gotten
off the phone after calling 555-1212 and yelling, "You're a
jackass!" (It's really easy to call him now since I have his
number on speed dial.) Then I noticed the phone number of the
guy with the black Camaro and decided to call him too. After a
couple of rings someone answered the phone. I asked, "Are you
the man with the black Camaro for sale?"

"Yes."

"Can you tell me where I can see it?"

"Yes, I live at 1802 West 34th Street. It's a yellow house and
the car is parked right out front."

I asked, "What's your name?"

"My name is Don Hansen."

"When's a good time to catch you, Don?"

"I'm home in the evenings."

"Listen, Don, can I tell you something?"

"Sure."

"Don, you're a jackass!" And I slammed the phone down.

After I hung up I added Don's number to my speed dialer. Now I
had two jackasses to call whenever I had a bad day. However this
wasn't as much fun as it used to be. So I thought about it and
came up with a solution.

First, I had my phone dial jackass #1. The man answered nicely
and I yelled, "You're a jackass!" But I didn't hang up.

The jackass said, "Are you still there?"

I said, "Yeah."

He said, "Stop calling me."

I said, "No!"

He said, "What's your name, pal?"

I said, "Don Hansen."

He said, "Where do you live?"

"1802 West 34th Street. It's a yellow house and my black Camaro
is parked out front."

"I'm coming over right now, Don. You'd better start saying your
prayers."

"Yeah, like I'm really scared, Jackass!" And I hung up.

Then I called Jackass #2. He answered, "Hello."

I said, "Hello, jackass!"

He said, "If I ever find out who you are..."

"You'll what?"

"I'll kick your butt."

"Well, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now, jackass!"

And I hung up. Then I picked up the phone and called the police.
I told them I was at 1802 West 34th Street and that I was going
to kill my gay lover as soon as he got home. Another quick call
to Channel 13 news about the gang war going down on West 34th
Street. After that I climbed into my car and headed over to 34th
Street to watch the whole thing. Glorious!

I watched two jackasses kicking the crap out of each other in
front of 6 squad cars and a police helicopter I also taped it
off the evening news!


i did not actually do this but i found it soooooooooooo funny, hope u have better days in the future.

Answer 2

Honey, give the points to "spring goth", nobody can top that!! :) ps, I hate family reunions too. They all want to talk to the people that they already know, which means that the out of towners get left out. Not a lot of fun. They didn't even include us in the "family' picture. At the last one, I stopped at the store, bought a case of "bubbles" and played with all the little kids, didn't talk to the adults at all. Had a great time. Something to keep in mind if you ever go again. Love ya

Answer 3

Just think that things will get better, guaranteed. Think that there are probably thousands of people in almost the same situation right now. That there are many more people in situations that are a lot worse than yours. That your situation really is not so bad as you think. That everybody has flaws and makes mistakes. That there's a lot that you can do to make others happy (and in the process yourself) and so many great things that you can still do. And hopefully, if you can realize this, that God loves you and wants you to experience it.

God bless you,
Your friend on the other side of the world

Answer 4

Remember that Spring day a few years back when you went outside and the world just seemed like it was yours for the taking , the birds were singing and you saw all the pretty flowers? NO? You don't remember it? Me neither ... life just plain sucks sometimes... just hang in there tomorrow is another day...Tonight grab your friends Ben and Jerry and make a pint of Chunky Monkey disappear

Answer 5

Think of the good things that have happened to you. Try to ignore tards.....Even if they are you family. We all have them that's why I don't get around people. SMILE ☺☺☺
That's about all I can do for ya! I am in the same boat today. Must be b/c of the rain or something. It will pass and tomorrow you will feel better.
~~~ Always remember to forget
The things that made you sad.
But never forget to remember
The things that made you glad. ~~~

Answer 6

save smiling, it makes human beings ask your self what you're as much as. LOL....i'm continuously smiling, it does not make me journey awkward and it does not propose that the human beings that are continuously smiling continuously have ulterior motives. i'm only for the main area a happy man or woman.

Answer 7

Here have some mama jokes, be happy:
-----------
Yo mama's so fat and old that when God said "Let there be Light", he told her to move her fat *** out of the way.
Yo mama's so fat n black, she jumped in the ocean and they thought she was an oil spill.
Yo mama's so fat that she has TB... two bellies.
Yo mama's so fat, "Place Your Ad Here" is printed on each of her butt cheeks.
Yo mama's so fat, a picture of her fell off the wall!
Yo mama's so fat, after she got off the carousel, the horse limped for a week.
Yo mama's so fat, all of her clothes have to be custom made by a contractor.
Yo mama's so fat, all the chairs in her house have seat belts.
Yo mama's so fat, all the restaurants in town have signs that says: "Maximum Occupancy: 240 Patrons OR Yo Mama"
Yo mama's so big, her belly button's got an echo.
Yo mama's so big, she can't wear an X jacket cause helicopters kept landing on her back.
Yo mama's so big, she rollerskates on busses.
Yo mama's so big, she thought Barnum & Bailey were clothing designers.
Yo mama's so big, she uses a jungle gym for a walker.
Yo mama's so big, she uses bowling balls for earrings.
Yo mama's so big, she uses the interstate for a Slip `n Slide.
Yo mama's so big, she whistles bass.
Yo mama's so big, that she climbed Mt. Fuji with one step.
Yo mama's so big, that they had to change "One size fit's all" to "One size fits most"
Yo mama's so big, they had to paint a stripe down her back to see if she was walking or rolling.

Answer 8

be of good cheer GOD will not put more on you than you can handle
what did the parrot say when the man wanted to pull both strings at once [I'll fall on my a** you chicken eating s.o.b]
happy day old geezer

Answer 9

You have free oxygen.

And it's getting better all the time.

Watch Princess Mononoke.

Answer 10

Hey girl you need to just be happy and think positive and all will be just fine