People are constantly saying I'm being unreasonable or selfish, because I don't want to have children. I'm in my early twenties so everyone says to just wait till I'm older. Boo! I've have given motherhood a tremendous amount of thought. I have even checked into getting my tubes tied. Which of course they won't allow you to do unless you've had children. It's all ridiculous. Or am I just being crazy and unfeminine?
2006-07-29 11:03:29 · 31 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Other - Society & Culture
I think you are smart and mature to have given a lot of thought to this. So many women today have children before they have a clue if they are capable to giving children what they need in life. I wouldn't rush to get my tubes tied, but don't let other people make you feel that you are doing anything abnormal.
2006-07-29 11:11:04 · answer #1 · answered by mom 4 · 9⤊ 0⤋
Who sets the standard for normal anyway? I'm a mother of five and I think each person has the right to choose whether to have children or not. By the way, I NEVER wanted to be a Mom, once I became one I decided I would be the best one I could be, because this was a task given to me personally. I have one daughter with 2 children, and one daughter in her twenties that wants no children. The choice is yours to make - tell everyone else, they are being selfish and unreasonable to try to force you to do something THEY want, instead of allowing you to do what YOU want.
2006-07-29 11:11:17 · answer #2 · answered by arvecar 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, I'm afraid in one way, what your friends are saying is true. Your whole view of the world will change after age 24, which is when you reach full maturity, both emotionally and hormonally. Males reach it at age 30. That does not mean your views about children will change, but things overall will change. I see it every day, when my regular female customers turn that age.
As for being abnormal, a growing amount of women are choosing to not have children, especially if they are middle or upper class. At those income levels, they are having less than one child, on average. In Europe, where it is much more common for women to be middle income and with an advanced education, 15 countries are now in negative population growth. We will see much the same thing happen here, if those who claim to represent the poor, would just promote blue collar fields, which have severe shortages of workers, with beginning incomes of $5000 a year more than new graduates with master degrees in business. They they did it after just six months of training.
2006-07-29 11:21:37 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're not ridiculous...it's better to know that you don't want kids than to end up pregnant and resent them or your partner for the rest of your life...people need to understand that it's a personal decision and none of there business...As for getting your tubes tied...why bother with an operation...there's plenty of birth control out there and it's becoming more low maitenace all the time -- a shot every 3 months...the pill that only gives you 4 periods a year...the patch...surgery is dangerous...one more thing...don't say that you're unfeminine, say you're feminist...that'll teach them
2006-07-29 11:12:00 · answer #4 · answered by jillymack06 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No... if you think you are going to be a bad mom. Or don't think you can handle it. I think you are being more humane because you are not having children because of some stupid selfish reason.
Although you might change your mind in the future. Who knows? You could change your mind. It is our lovely gift to change our minds and decide different things as we go along. Your life will change....
But I can not see how you are being considered selfish. Well unless you are in a relationship and he does. In which case... maybe you are not meant to be together... your life is not on the same path so who is to know????
2006-07-29 11:08:51 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
no its not ... when me and my bf first got together we said that if anything "happened" it happened but neither of us want children and we really dont. I look at them and say awww or how cute but i really just dont want one.
his parents try to talk to us all the time telling us that when we are a little older we will change our minds ... (personally marriage is pushing it)
I just dont understand with everythign going on in the world why you would want to have children..?
Since we are in our early 20's both of our parents hope that we will turn ourselves aroud and start pumping 'em out. But the plain fact is I like being able to do what I want and children are just too expensive to have these days.
Just tell them, if they want to hire someone to carry it pay for a full time babysitter then i will consider it but i a, not willing to be a stay at home mother ... why would i go to college and get my bachelors to stay and take care of children ??
kids are wonderful but they are just not for some people.
2006-07-29 11:11:54 · answer #6 · answered by tequieromucho2004 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Madam, you are not crazy or unfeminine. However, the decision of having a child should be a JOINT and UNANIMOUS decision between you and your husband. If he doesn't want children either, then tell him to get his vas deferens clamped (if their clamped, they aren't cut like as a vasectamy, but he won't get you pregnant unless he returns to the doctor and gets the clamps off). However, if he does want children, you should listen to your husband's arguments (his thesis), throw your arguments towards him about what you feel (your antithesis) and ultimately come up with a compromise (the synthesis).
2006-07-29 11:11:21 · answer #7 · answered by Tony Walls 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you have made a personal choice and it should not matter what others think about it. The doctors wont tie your tubes because you may change your mind later on..so that is a good thing. better to use good birth control until you are in your 30's and can really say never.
good for you, many women have a child and end up neglecting it because they don't realize the work in envolves.
2006-07-29 11:10:07 · answer #8 · answered by rcsanandreas 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Almost everybody agrees --- there are many wonderful ways that you can contribute to making this world a better place -- and NOT having kids may just be the answer that gives you more opportunities to do just that!!!
Stop listening to stupid people -- go out and find other more interesting and productive people who are busy working hard to help make this a better world!! Join hands together
2006-07-29 13:59:28 · answer #9 · answered by along_ride 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
People tell you that you are being unreasonable and selfish..did you think of telling them that they are nosey, manipulative and controlling and to butt out.
Unless they are willing to help with all of the responsibilites involved in child raising, they have no business telling you what to do.
Better say no, then have children and not be happy, since you will not raise happy children and no one knows where that can go.
2006-07-29 11:11:07 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋