i love my mother but she's really annoying, i love my boyfriend but i can't move with him. What should i do?

Question

my mother and my boyfriend had another fight today. it was awful. actually my mother told him a lot of horrible things and she kicked him out. i love her, but she's really unjust with my boyfriend. though we have been together for for four years and he's a nice guy who helps me a lot, my mother can't stand him. i can't move out because we don't have the money. what should i do?

Answer 1

A lot depends on how old you are and how old your boyfriend is. If you're an adult, you need to work toward becoming financially independent, even if it means working two jobs and saving every dime. Ditto for the boyfriend... then get your own place.

If you're still a teen and in school, then you need to just respect your mother and her opinions (no matter how disturbing or unjust they might seem) until you're old enough and have the money to move out on your own (with or without the boyfriend.)

It would be helpful if you could find out from her exactly WHY she "can't stand him." She may have valid reasons or it could be something as emotional as he reminds her of a boyfriend from her own younger years who wound up being a bad memory for her.

Four years... that's a long time to dislike the same guy. Could it just be that he's there all the time, hanging out at the house, and she's tired of seeing him every day? Sometimes, especially with moms and older daughters, it's something as simple as "I wish I could have just one day with my own daughter without that guy here because she's not going to be here forever and I miss the time we used to spend together."

Just a thought :)

Whatever conversation you start with her... start it with "Mom... I love you so much... and something has really been bothering me and I'm hoping we can talk about it." It's a great start to having her mind as open as it can be for the talk. Use "I" phrasing and try not to say "YOU do this and YOU do that" but more like "I feel like..." or "when this happens it makes me feel like...." or "I feel hurt when...."

Good luck to you, either way....

Answer 2

Try to see your mothers side of view. Are you an only child? Did she have problems with your father? is she a single parent?

Do you over react when you get upset with him? has your relationship been on and off? Are you under 21 years old?

I mean, she might be taking all of these things into consideration.

If you're 20 or older, you have every right to be with who ever you want, with out your mother saying anything that would make you or who you choose uncomfortable. You need to tell her, straight up, that she is hurting you, and your boyfriend, and that she needs to understand that you are an adult, and can make your own decisions... Thats the most obvious answer.

if you're under 20, your mom might be really scared and over protective of you, and feels you are too young to make that sort of decision, of being with someone..

Best advice i can give you: The more you open communications with your mom, about every little thing that you feel, even the bad and good of your relationship with this guy, the more honest you are about where you are going, how long you will be gone, when you're getting back, the more open you are about your opinions, the more she will learn she can trust your opinions. My mom is my best friend, and she would never stand in the way of any of my decisions, because she sees me making the right opinions, and right decisions every day.

Answer 3

Get a job first of all and get a man that has a good job and makes good money or one that is into work thats not scared or lazy to work. You & him or YOU save money get a place start a life. It is scary but you have to start somewhere. The place you get may not be all that but like I said you have to start somewhere and eventually sooner or later if you continue to do well and save what you can ( open up a savings and put back lil by lil dont mess with your savings) you will get a better home car etc. thats how my husband and i started out i stayed at his moms for a lil and it DROVE US CRAZY then we got us a lil place to stay not all that but something and worked and had kids and worked and now we are in a bigger and better place and eventually who knows my point is you always gotta start somewhere to succeed GOOD LUCK AND DO WHAT YOUR HEART TELLS YOU DONT RUSH

Answer 4

Try to communicate with your mother and help her see how important he is to you and everything he does to help you. Try to get her to reconsider kicking him out -- if she agrees you could even bring him back and have the two of them talk to each other, and have him explain to her why he wants to be there for you and also have him say he'll do whatever it is that she wants him to do that got him kicked out in the first place.

Answer 5

Either live by your mother's rules or get out. It is HER home and she can decide who lives there and who doesn't. When you get on your own and have to pay your own bills then you can decide who lives with your or not. Since your mother is paying the bills it's HER choice.

Answer 6

If this guy can't afford to get a place for you two to move into maybe your mother is right.
He sounds like a loser.

Answer 7

That depends.
Do you ever want to marry your boyfriend?
If not, then you can move in with him.
If you do want to marry him, then do NOT move in with him.

Why make things so complicated?

Answer 8

Get a job and get a life

Answer 9

Dump your bf, he sounds like a loser. Your mom loves you and only wants what's best for you.

Answer 10

4 years? no money? surprised mum took it for so long