Which is worse?

Question

You are married for 10 years w/2 children. Your husband beats you once leaving you with many bruises all over your body or your husband has a long term affair on you? Asking because I've noticed people will immediatley say "leave" if you are hit but say "give him a 2nd chance" when it comes to an affair. Bruises on your body heal in a week or two but bruises of an affair can last for years. Which is worse and why is one called 'abuse' and the other isn't?

I'm not being hit or cheated on. I asked the question because I've noticed people seem to think one is not at all acceptable, the other more acceptable, encouraging a 2nd chance. You don't have to visibly see bruises to be abused so I wanted to know why hitting is called abuse but affairs are not.

Answer 1

Physical abuse should never be tolerated. Why would you want to be with someone who hurts you physically and mentally? You need to get out of that relationship. The cheating is unacceptable as well. Don't let him walk all over you. You deserve to be happy and healthy.

Answer 2

Physical abuse it not okay neither is emotional and mental abuse. When your spouse cheats on you, I would consider that as emotional and mental abuse, in the end it will destroy you if the cheating continues. As far as weighing which one is worse - I would say they are both even. In physical abuse, the bruises may heal but how about the heart, the fear that he may hit again, and what if it turns from hitting to shooting the gun? Is that oaky? - not at all. In cheating, the emotional beating the heart takes is not good either, knowing that your spouse is having an affair can really cause problems like self-esteem, jealousy, bitterness and resentment. That obviously is not good for the body either. And those kind of ill will-emotions can lead to early diseases and shorty to death if your spouse continues to have an affair while being married to you. Affairs are not okay neither is domestic violence. Your husband needs some serious help because he doesn't have your best interest at heart.

Answer 3

People fight. Sometimes with words, sometimes with fists. Occassionally, even a great couple can get into a scuffle leaving someone with a bruise (think about fighting with best friends or siblings--you still love them). It only turns into abuse if it is ongoing. Cheating, on the other hand, is the ultimate betrayal. I could accept a slap across the face from a best friend easier than I could accept them betraying me. I think this is a very personal question that one must answer on their own. For me...I suppose I am a sticks and stones kind of person. However, both require the people involved to evaluate their relationship.

Answer 4

If this is about you. Then let me jump on that wagon with everyone else saying "leave" faster than a dog chasing a meat wagon. I too just ended my marriage after 12 years. My children were grown, but my stepdaugters weren't.

Abuse is abuse. Whether it is emotional, physical, physcologically, spiritually. Does not matter. The affair leaves bruises like you said that you can't see. But trust me they are there just the same. The problem with the ones inside is that they aren't validated by anyone because no one else can see them like you feel them.

The bruises on the inside are interconnected to so many parts of you your self-esteem, your self-worth, your soul, your spirit. So to me, it takes much longer to heal. It brusies who you are.

Bruises on the outside are more anger. They don't necessarily involve your soul,.spirit or the others listed above. Not that they don't hurt. I was hit physically. And I got over it. But when he hit me with the affair I have questioned every little part of my being with it's pain. It is two years and I still wake up screaming at night from the nightmares of him and her I torment myself with.

The bottom line is this. No one gets to have the right to do this do me a second time. I decide what I will put up with. No one else.

Answer 5

they both are bad accepting abuse physically shows your children that maybe when they are in a relationship that accepting it is okay as for the affair you got 10 years and 2 children invested can your heart trust that he will be faithful can you be in that relationship without further judgment or doubts if you cant "get out" nothing is worth being in pain forever because how you feel emotional effects your children you think they dont see it but they do come to a compromise about the kids and live your lives seperately find someone who loves you and doesnt need to beat you and cheat to prove it.

Answer 6

My thinking is both r abuse come on now, i took many beating n the scarring is still as well as cheating both r forms of abuse in my book and Noone deserves that either.Plz take a long look at your self and ask do u want to live like this another 10 or 20 years and what if the abuse get worse you hear all the time about about spouses beaten to death................... PLZ think.............. .look into your heart of hearts make the right decision.think about all the people that love you n how they would feel if they new how you were living. PEACE ,,,,,,,,,,,, good luck

Answer 7

I would leave in either case and have. Nobody should have to put up with being cheated on or being hit by another human. Yes this does happen to husbands as well as wives.

Answer 8

I have seen both happen to people i've known. The scars of an affair/abuse are always there. They are both as bad each other.

Answer 9

Physical abuse is more often than not a cycle. Being abused "just once" is nearly unheard of, while cheating, although nauseating, can be a one time only mistake.

Answer 10

they are both terrible things, however they also both leave emotional scares and if he hit you once he may do it again, or even have an affair again...it's a judgment call that you'd have to make.

They both appear to be in the same boat.