I feel like my husband is fed up with me. I'm very insecure. This is the man of my dreams literally. We've been together for about 7 years and married for 5 and a half years. We have a 6 year old son (I got pregnant early on in our relationship) I've been hurt before in my teenage years. I am now over that but I constantly worry about him leaving. I try not to, but it is sooo hard. He is the love of my life and I would just die without him, well, I'd live but be very sad. I have done some things to please him and played along with his sexual fantasies, but now I feel like it's gone too far and it hurts me that that's what it takes now. I want to be a better person and wife. I'm so afraid of him hurting me that he says I'm pushing him away. He is not emotional at all and I cry constantly. When I look in his beautiful brown eyes I can see what I have done. I don't know how to fix it. He has made hurtful comments after taking off for a few days. I am told that it's none...
2006-07-29 08:32:10 · 9 answers · asked by married26 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
...of my business where he's been and "if I only knew" He sleeps on the couch every night. He watches smut with the sound off, so he can hear me coming down the stairs and then denies it. His computer has porn on it. I used to watch the porn too until he started doing it on his own. He forgot to take the tape out of the VCR, internet, magazines hidden, etc. I have told him that it hurts me, but he tells me to "grow up" and proceeds to call me every name in the book. Last night I woke up at 4 am and caught him and exploded into tears and asked him why he has to do that every night when we have sex ALL the time. I let him have it whenever he wants it and I do want it too. I have anal, oral and talk dirty and I feel like my body is hot and fit and now nicely tanned. I shave it because he likes a "smooth one". I tell him about me with another woman and imitate it on his lips. Now he just focuses on my tongue while we are doing it or if I don't he closes his eyes. Guys are visu
2006-07-29 08:38:38 · update #1
Guys are supposed to be visual, so why does he close his eyes??? I ordered an all girl flick off PPV once and he didn't like it cuz the women weren't that hot, but then he tells me that it doesn't matter about looks. I even entertained the idea of a threesome and then I was "sooo hot". We went to a music festival for five days and the only way I could get him to want to go was to find a girl for a threesome there. Of course, I changed my mind and he called me a liar. I just don't think that would help me or our marriage at all. Now that I told him that I don't want to do that or the sex talk thing everytime we have sex, he lays there with his eyes closed and it seems he is not interested in just me, but only the fantasy. How do I get him to love me and keep his fantasies to himself? BTW.....I love my body and I can turn every guys' head in a grocery store and get hit on constantly. He is not perfect physically. He is a bit overweight and has a beer gut, but has the deepest...
2006-07-29 08:47:03 · update #2
...beautiful brown eyes I have ever seen. His senior pic in HS is freaking hot though! He is a nice guy to everyone around him, but with me it's like I ruined his fantasy or something so now he resents me. It just hurts so much that my outer beauty outshines my inner beauty or lack thereof. I told him I just want to be "the one" and he says I am and then ten minutes later I'm a ***** or some other nasty name. Help me please!!! Sorry to ramble on and on, but I seriously don't want to lose him and after seven years I fear it may very well be too late.
2006-07-29 08:52:48 · update #3
It seems to me that the mistake you are making is compromising yourself and what you really want in order to 'keep him'. This is causing you to lose respect for yourself, so he is losing respect for you also. You just can't live like this, eventually something has got to give. Isn't it ironic that the thing you fear most is exactly what you are creating by being consumed by that fear?
Sometimes it helps to actually think the things you are afraid of all the way through..you are afraid he will leave, ok say he does? You say you know you would live but would be very sad, sure you would, but that would pass and then what? Then you would be you! You could conduct your life in a way that makes you feel good about who you are instead of constantly giving up yourself to try to please someone else.
If you really want to keep this guy what you need to do is start finding and sticking up for yourself! There is no challenge to being with you, he knows he can just walk all over you and you aren't going anywhere. Have you ever known anyone like that? I have, it made me sick. He would do anything for me and put up with anything I did to him, so I started doing things. Finally, since he didn't get it on his own, I said look the only way you could ever impress me or even get me to begin to care about you is to tell me NO, tell me thats enough, quit letting me wipe my feet on you because right now I just have no respect for you and you can't love someone you don't respect!
Maybe if you can't find your way to that on your own you should get some help, some counselling. Not even for him, for YOU for your son! You are a mom, you are responsible for who he will be when he grows up and becomes a part of society, doesn't he deserve more of you than what you have left now? Do you want him to treat his spouse badly, expect her to put up with that, do you want him to be the way your husband is? Well thats what he is learning, from you everyday. You can't count on a man to say just because I could do it doesn't mean I should. They don't think that much.
Good luck to you..you are in there somewhere, and you are thinking about this enough to post the question so you know something isn't right about it. Don't forget, you teach people how to treat you, you've taught him he can do anything (including taking off for a few days and then saying its none of your business where he was) and you will stay and take it.
2006-07-29 08:49:39 · answer #1 · answered by dappersmom 6 · 5⤊ 3⤋
1
2016-12-20 20:07:09 · answer #2 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
okay for a start, take a chill pill (with all due respect of course!).
Step back and take a deep breath and read what you have written.
Now, think it through. Exactly what are you doing wrong in your relationship.
What are you doing right in your relationship. List all the things you are doing right in this relationship. Take a good long look at the list. Congratulate yourself for the right things that you do.
Is the porn really a problem or is it a matter of having heard from other women that he should not be watching it, enjoying it, fantasising about it?
I can tell you that you are not alone in having a partner who enjoys pormography and fantasises about other women. There are many many women who experience the same thing whether they know it or not.
Many men do enjoy the fanatasy that pornography provides. It allows them to be and to have anything at all in a sexual way even if it is only in their head.
To me it sounds very much like you and he are both very controlling in the relationship. You control by being insecure and needy. He controls by being withdrawing emotionally and physically.
Sit down and right all the good things about him and all the not so good things about him.
Did you notice that the good things you wrote here were ALL about his looks but the bad things were about his actions?
Now if you have got this far and written these lists and thought them through there is some hope for your relationship but only if you can sit down with him and be really really honest about yourself. Start by saying: "I know you are right when you say...."
Let him know you do love him and want to work things out. You would like to start the relationship over but this time you would like the two of you to decide together what is important to you both and what is important for your child.
See how it goes.
Best of luck
2006-07-29 10:37:41 · answer #3 · answered by wollemi_pine_writer 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to him. Tell him everyhting that you are worried about and see what his reaction is. if it goes well keep going and keep eye contact. Don't worry if you start crying. Women have more cemicals in there tear ducts them men:). Tell him you love him and hold him. I had a simular problem. Try to keep the house as clean as possible and show him in other ways besides sex that you love him dearly. Porn is normal. as long as it is only porn.
2006-07-29 08:40:33 · answer #4 · answered by gin 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
IF YOU ACT LIKE THAT MOST MEN WILL GET TURNED OFF..SO SMART UP AND DON"T SMOTHER HIM WITH YOUR INSECURITIES! YOU CAN DRIVE ANY MAN CRAZY WITH YOUR CLINGING ATTITUDE....!! FIND ANOTHER HOBBY BESIDES BUGGING HIM AT 4 IN THE MORNING WHILE HE IS WATCHING HIS PORN SHOW EVENTUALLY HE WILL GET TIRED AND GO TO SLEEP! TRY TO BE A GREAT COMPANY! SOMETIMES IF IT IS A NEW THING FOR THEM TO SEE LIKE PORN MALES WILL GO CRAZY AND DROOLS AND WATCH THE SHOW ALL HOURS OF THE NIGHT!! DON"T NAG HIM WITH PORN SHOWS IT IS JUST A SCREEN!!MALES AVER VERY VISUAL EVENTUALLY HE WILL GET OLD AND HE WONT BE ABLE TO SEE THE SCREEN!!...lol..
HE LOVES YOU BUT GIVE THE GUY HIS SPACE! HE LIKES HIS PRIVACY WHEN HE WATCHES HIS PORN..NO KIDS AROUND AT 4 IN THEMORNING..SO GO GET YOUR BEAUTY SLEEP! AND PUT A CUTE OUTFIT! STOP NAGGING!
2006-07-29 08:47:40 · answer #5 · answered by +++++ SPOOK ++++ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
that a shame i think he is in the wrong why is he watching so much porn?i dont under stand men especially when they are married i would diffentley be in the bed room with my wife then siting on a couch wating porn.come on over lol
2006-07-29 08:42:58 · answer #6 · answered by little ace 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
YES the one who is wrong
2006-07-29 08:36:40 · answer #7 · answered by Renegade 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No - not at all - but it does sometimes seem like that.
2006-07-29 08:36:35 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
it sounds like he isnt really into you anymore
2006-07-29 09:24:48 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋